(I work in a grocery store. I realize that some people will recognize me and ask for help if I’m off the clock or out of uniform. I have already clocked out, and I have my coat on and my purse on my shoulder. A regular has stopped me to say hello and we exchange a few pleasantries. From behind me I hear a SLAM and I turn and see a woman glaring at me as if I have personally offended her. She slams her cart into the register right behind me and throws her stuff onto the belt. I admit, it has been a long day and I am already at the end of my rope, but the way she proceeds has me respond in a less than professional way.)

Customer: “Well?! Are you going to f****** help me or not?”

Me: “Nope. But one of the ladies on one of the three open registers can.”

Customer: “Are you f****** serious? You’re just standing there slacking off. Now, stop being so f****** useless and help me. I’m a customer. You’re working for me. C***.”

Me: “Ma’am, again. I cannot help you. I am off the clock and headed home.”

Customer: *begins shrieking* “Get me a manager right now! This is ridiculous! I DEMAND YOU RING ME OUT! MANAGER! MANAGERRRRRR!”

(The manager who has taken over for the night shift has run over upon hearing the screaming.)

Manager: “Ma’am… She is a manager. And she’s going home. She has her coat on. But if you bring your items to register one, two, or three, one of the ladies there can help you. And please, I do have to ask you to stop cursing, or you will be asked to leave. [My Name], have a good night!”

(I said goodnight to the kind regular I had been talking to, and as I continued to walk out I could hear the woman shrieking again. I got home to a text that she had thrown her eggs at the night manager while screaming a slew of curse words, and had to be escorted out by security.)

(It’s Christmas time and it’s super busy. I’m working in the jewelry department, helping an older woman pick out a pendant.)

Customer: “Oh, well, these look nice.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, they’re actually on sale, too. Let me grab some other pieces you might like.”

(I turn to see a man jogging towards the entrance of the store. A second later, our loss prevention man comes running by, jumps, and flies through the air, tackling the jogging man to the ground.)

Customer: “I think those two men are fighting, sir.”

Me: “Just checking the walls, ma’am.” *trying to act nonchalant to avoid causing a scene*

Customer: “Oh, you watch Fawlty Towers?”

(The woman completely forgot about the wrestling match one aisle over and I managed to make a delightful commission. Thanks, John Cleese.)

(My sister is a counter manager in a department store for a mid-level makeup brand. One day, a customer comes in to return an anti-aging serum.)

Customer: “I need to return this. It’s making me sick.”

Sister: “Do you mean it’s causing a rash?”

Customer: “No, it’s making me physically ill!”

Sister: *now really confused* “Are you having an allergic reaction?”

Customer: “No, I get sick to my stomach every time I take it!”

Sister: “What do you mean, ‘when you take it’? How are you using this?”

(It turned out the customer had been SWALLOWING the serum. The directions for use on the bottle clearly said to rub a couple drops of it into one’s face, but she skipped the reading part, saw the medicine dropper attached to the cap used to measure it out, and decided that meant it was to be swallowed. She had been ingesting this serum twice a day for a couple of weeks before she’d had enough, because it wasn’t fixing her wrinkles!)

(A big department store has recently declared bankruptcy and is closing down. All the stores are now in liquidation. The new prices are clearly marked on the labels and any additional discounts are marked in bright posters all over the store. On top of that, this is pretty big news in general which has been covered by many media outlets. I am shopping with a friend because I have an old gift card that I want to use it before the store closes forever. I am next in line and am browsing the “impulse buy” section. I am standing about five feet away from the customer in front of me, who is at the cash ringing her items through.)

Sales Rep: *tells woman what the total is*

Customer: “No. That’s not right. They were on sale in the flyer.”

Sales Rep: “I understand, and I do apologize. The thing is, we’ve gone into liquidation, so we can no longer honor those prices. As you can see on the tag, this is the liquidation price; plus, there’s a 20% discount.”

Customer: *stares at the employee as if he is speaking in a different language* “What?! But it’s in the flyer!“

Sales Rep: “I can go check with my supervisor and see if I can put it through for the flyer price.” *leaves*

(I continue to browse a rack of flip flops that are behind the customer, four or five feet away.)

Customer: “CAN YOU PLEASE BACK AWAY, JUST LIKE A FEW FEET?”

(I do not realize she is speaking to me, since I am not very close to her and I am within the area blocked off for lining up, and there’s people behind me, so I don’t really have anywhere to move to. I just ignore her and think maybe she’s talking to someone else.)

Sales Rep: *returns* “Hi, so, I can’t make any changes to the liquidation prices.” *begins to explain to her what a liquidation is and why he can’t make any changes*

Customer: “Well, can you just ring it in at the sale price from the flyer, and then ring it in at the liquidation price so that I can see the difference?”

(The sales rep begins ringing through the items to compare prices. I step back into line, away from the flip-flops. I am now three or four feet away from the customer, but I am by no means “too close,” as I am standing in the marked area for the next customer in line to wait. The customer, who is now arguing about what ends up being about a $1 difference between sale price and liquidation price, suddenly turns to me.)

Customer: “CAN YOU PLEASE BACK AWAY FROM ME A FEW FEET?! I CAN’T FOCUS WITH YOU STANDING SO CLOSE!”

Me: *fed up, as we have been waiting on this woman over ten minutes* “Yeah! Okay!”

(I left the line and went to a different cashier elsewhere in the store. I was next in line there, as well, and was done with my transaction in about two minutes. I had to walk past the original register and noticed the same lady was still there, arguing about her store points, with a line of over ten people behind her. Her purchase was just four pairs of socks. Also, the cashier who checked me out told me that customers have gone crazy with the sale; she witnessed a woman slap a complete stranger across the face when she thought she was trying to step in front of her in line.)

Years ago, my husband’s uncle was shopping for lingerie for his wife. Unfortunately, he really did not know anything about bra sizes, let alone what size his wife wore.

When the saleswoman asked about size, [Uncle] doffed his hat, looked around, and said, “Seven and a half.”