I’m scheduled to get a root canal. I’m in the endodontist’s waiting room, half-listening to the receptionist making reminder phone calls to patients for their appointments. She finishes up her call, chuckles, and relays the call to her coworker.

Receptionist: “Hi, [Patient]. This is [Receptionist] from [Office] Endodontics. I’m just calling to remind you of your appointment on [date] at [time].”

Patient: “Oh, I’m going to have to reschedule that. That’s when I’m having a root canal.”

Receptionist: “Ma’am, this is the root canal.”

The receptionist acknowledged that she may not have heard “endodontics” or may have misunderstood what the word meant, but it was still funny.

About a decade ago when my daughter was in preschool, we had Netflix but not much else. She consequently watched a handful of toddler shows over and over again but didn’t necessarily know the same popular shows as other kids her age, including anything Disney-related.

One day, we were at the pediatric dentist’s office.

Dentist: “Aww, so who’s your favorite princess?”

Daughter: *Confused* “Me!”

I suggested he ask about her favorite Wonder Pet instead.

On my first day at my new teaching job, we had a luncheon where I somehow broke a tooth (a molar). I found a temporary tooth putty I could use to cover the exposed portion. I went to a dentist, who said I’d need a root canal, but he didn’t do that kind of work.

I had to search for a dentist who did root canals and worked with my dental insurance plan. I found one, but their next opening wasn’t for three months. I set the appointment for a Monday, three months later, and for those three months, I used the dental putty.

On the Friday before my appointment, the root canal dentist’s secretary called me to remind me of the appointment. But then, the secretary mentioned that the dentist no longer accepted my insurance, so I’d be billed the full $1,500 for the procedure. Aghast, I asked how long ago the dentist had changed insurance acceptance.

Secretary: “Oh, about a month ago.”

Me: “You knew for a month that my insurance wasn’t going to be accepted? But you didn’t call until it’s almost too late? How many people do you know who have $1,500 to spend on a whim?”

Secretary: “…”

Me: “So, instead of confirming my appointment, please cancel my appointment. Please let your boss know why.”

I had to search again for a dentist who took my insurance. Fortunately, I found one that had an opening in two weeks to do the root canal and crown.

I hate the American healthcare system.

Me: “Hi, I’m calling because I received a bill from you guys? It’s [reference number].”

Dentist Reception: “Oh, yes, for $2,300. Will that be a card payment?”

Me: “Well, just wait a minute. I haven’t been to the dentist for a while, and so I certainly don’t owe you any money. I think you’ve sent this bill in by mistake.”

Dentist Reception: “No, we don’t send bills out in error. This bill was for a root canal on October 5, for a [Not My Name].”

Me: “Okay, stop right there. That isn’t me, and I don’t want to think about how freely you just gave that information over the phone to a stranger. I’m not saying that the procedure didn’t happen. I’m just saying it didn’t happen to me; you’ve sent this bill to the wrong person.”

Dentist Reception: “No, this bill was for a root canal on October 5, for a [Not My Name].”

Me: “I think I would remember if I had had a root canal.”

Dentist Reception: “Don’t be stupid. No one just forgets a root canal.”

Me: “I think you’re proving my point better than I am.”

Some thirty years ago, I turned up for a dental surgery appointment at a hospital. It wasn’t the appointment for the surgery, just all the pre-operation X-rays and the like. I looked at the various boards directing everyone to the different departments, but I couldn’t find the dental department.

I asked a security guard where it was. He laughed and pointed at a building site. The building for the dental department was still a hole in the ground with the foundations being prepared.

He took me to an admin office, who struggled to understand how I had been sent a letter telling me to attend an appointment at a department whose building hadn’t been built yet.

They eventually tracked down that I should have been at an entirely different hospital where the dental department for the area was currently, and fortunately, there was a bus that ran between the two hospitals.

When I arrived at the other hospital, now two hours late for my appointment, I was rushed past everyone else waiting for their X-rays to the front of the queue. They must have wondered why I got special treatment.

I never did find out why everyone else’s letter told them the right hospital while mine didn’t. I just assume there was a typing error somewhere.

I did eventually have my wisdom teeth taken out in the new dental building, although that ended up weird, too. Is it normal to stick the removed teeth in a plastic bag and wedged it between the patient’s toes so they can keep them after they come around from the anaesthetic?

And if you want to keep adding to the strangeness, while I was coming around after the operation, I got to listen to a nurse arguing with an airline.

Apparently, he had forgotten his tickets for a flight, and the airline had insisted that he buy a new ticket on the spot. The theory was that if he was telling the truth, there would obviously be a spare seat on the plane that he could have, and they agreed that they would then refund the cost of the original ticket afterward.

They did not, and he was now screaming down the phone at someone demanding his money back. Either he didn’t expect any of the patients to be awake enough to listen in or he didn’t care.

No idea if that process is something common for airlines in that situation, but it clearly wasn’t winning them any customer service awards.

Along with listening to the nurses trying to calm down the next person to come out of surgery after me who had a full-blown panic attack as she first awoke, it was a very surreal experience all around.