Put Your Faith In The Patch

| Right | April 3, 2015

(I work on a cruise line’s guest services desk. Frequently, passengers wear little patches that prevent sea sickness. One man comes to my desk.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How can I help you?”

Man: “I was wondering what religion the people with the patches are.”

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Cuisine On Cruise Control

| Friendly | November 2, 2014

(I’m on a Caribbean cruise with a group of friends. Today we’re stopping in Cozumel, México. We’ve pre-booked an activity for the day, but we can’t remember whether or not food is included. It should be noted that Friend #2 is known for being a picky eater, and is also known for his lack of worldly knowledge. The following discussion ensues:)

Friend #1: “Is lunch included with this excursion, or are we going to just go find a taco stand or something?”

Friend #2: *angrily* “I’m not going to eat México’s tacos!”

(We all burst into laughter, although Friend #2 doesn’t seem to be quite sure why.)

Me: “Well, then, whose tacos are you going to eat?”

Friend #2: “Um… I like Taco Bell!”

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Must Have Cruised Right Through School

| Related | September 27, 2013

(We are on a cruise in western Europe. We are from the US.)

Mom: “This is going to sound stupid, but when we’re here, does the sun still set in the west?”

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Sanity Overboard

| Right | July 12, 2013

(I work for the boutiques onboard various cruise ships. Even though jeweler is my professional position, we also have emergency duties such as lowering the life-boats, guiding guests and such. Mine is to muster guests to their muster position before the abandon-ship signal is given. The guests are all sitting in the grand dining room which is at the very back of the ship.)

Guest: “So when the emergency signal is sounded, we just all come here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, this is your muster station in the event of an emergency. When the abandon-ship signal is given, we guide you to your assigned lifeboat.”

(Because there are so many guests on the ship, we don’t take them to the lifeboat when it is just a drill like this; we explain to them over the PA the procedure.)

Guest: “Why haven’t you taken us to our lifeboats already?!”

Me: “That was just explained, ma’am; as you can see, there are a lot of guests onboard, and it is really unnecessary—”

Guest: “LIES! YOU’RE LYING!”

(The guest then looks out of the window at the back of the ship; all you can see in the sea behind us.)

Guest: “THERE’S NOT EVEN ANY LIFEBOATS ON BOARD! YOU’RE LYING! YOU JUST WANT US ALL TO STAY HERE AND DIE LIKE THE TITANIC!”

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Using Flipper To Flip Out

| Related | July 7, 2013

(My family are on a cruise ship. My sister and I have just gotten in a fight about how she thinks I don’t care about her. I follow her into a gift shop, and she purposely wanders away from me. A man approaches my sister.)

Man: “Hello there.”

Sister: “Umm… Hi?”

Man: “Where are you from?”

Sister: *clearly uncomfortable* “New York?”

Man: “Where from New York?”

Sister: *clearly not interested* “Brooklyn.”

(I wander over into the man’s line of sight, pretending to look through the stuffed animals. I pick up a large stuffed dolphin.)

Man: “Oh, well how about after the cruise finishes, you and I go somewhere nice?”

Sister: “Um… no.”

Man: “Why not? I’m a nice guy, and a pretty girl like—”

(As he says this, I glare at the man and make a big show of angrily crushing the dolphin. Thankfully for him, he catches on quickly.)

Man: “Oh… uh… never mind.”

(The man flees from the store. My sister turns around, and realizes what has happened. We made up shortly afterwards!)

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