Reached My T-Total For Rich Snobs

, , , | Friendly | December 21, 2018

(I am on a cruise ship. I get on an elevator that has a teenage girl and two women in it, with one of the women looking a bit more prim and proper than the other. Based on something they say as I enter, I assume it is a girl, her mother, and her upscale aunt.)

Aunt: “So, why was your husband wearing a t-shirt?”

Mother: “Because tonight is a casual night for dinner.”

Aunt: *in a serious, almost offended tone* “T-shirts aren’t casual; t-shirts are for the poor!”

(I manage not to laugh. The door opens and they get off. As the door closes I hear the mother say, “We were just talking about your shirt…”)

It Rums In The Family

, , , , | Related | June 21, 2018

(I am about nine and our family is on vacation in the Caribbean. I have spent most of the day down at the beach, and with the heat and the salt water I am very thirsty. There is only one stand that sells soda, and it is down on the other end of the beach. My Mom and I start walking toward it. Along the way, we run into my grandparents walking the opposite way.)

Grandma: “Where are you two going?”

Mom: “[My Name] is really thirsty, so we’re going to get her a soda.”

Grandma: “Well, I have a coke here she can have. It’s diet, though.”

Me: “I don’t care.”

(I’m just eager to drink anything. My grandma hands me her cup and I take a huge drink, and a second later I start spitting it out on the ground.)

Grandma: “It’s just diet; it’s not that bad.”

(My mom takes the cup out of my hand and takes a small sip.)

Mom: “There’s rum in this.”

Grandma: “Oh! I forgot about that.”