Our cruise has just passed the halfway mark, so we’re returning to Florida the same way we came. I’m greeting passengers as they enter the restaurant for breakfast.

Me: “Good morning, [Passenger]! Would you like your regular table?”

Passenger: “Sure, I’d love to—hey! What gives! You changed it!”

Me: “Changed what, sir?”

Passenger: “I liked that table because it gets the sunrise! But now the sunrise is on the other side of the ship!”

Me: “Yes, sir, we’ve turned around since yesterday, so—”

Passenger: “Put it back!”

Me: “Put what back, sir?”

Passenger: “The sun! I want the sunrise at that table!”

Me: “I’m afraid that’s impossible, sir. However, if you want to enjoy the sunrise, you can take a table on the other side of the restaurant. I can get you a table—”

Passenger: “No! I want that table! And I want the sunrise!”

Me: “As I said, I’m afraid that’s impossible, sir.”

Passenger: “This is terrible customer service! I’m going to complain to Guest Services!”

Me: “You are welcome to do that, sir.” 

I know someone in Guest Services, and told them that later on today they were likely to get “a real doozy” and that they should practise their explanations as to why [Cruise Company] cannot control the literal sun.

I work in an upscale boutique at a resort in the Caribbean. A customer is holding a dress and clearly unimpressed.

Customer: “This costs how much? I could get the exact same thing at home for half the price.”

Me: “It is a locally made piece, exclusive to the island.”

Customer: “Still. That doesn’t justify charging double just because I’m on vacation.”

Me: “You’re also paying for the craftsmanship, the import taxes, and the convenience.”

Customer: “Convenience? You think it’s convenient having to walk all the way from my suite just to find out your prices are a joke?”

She stuffs the dress back on the rack aggressively and storms out.

Manager: “It’s amazing how many people come here to unwind and end up wound tighter.”

Anyone who has worked on a cruise for any period of time can tell you that guests look for any and all excuses to complain and find ways to get any little something extra they can. I’m working at the guest services desk, so I get to field a lot of these complaints and questions:

Guest: “Do you all sleep somewhere on the ship or do you stay somewhere else?”

I assume the guest is joking – my mistake.

Me: “Every night all the crew is picked up by helicopters and taken to a hotel and brought back the next day to serve you.”

This guest wakes up in the morning and goes straight to guest services.

Guest: “I couldn’t sleep all night because of the noise from all the helicopters! They kept me awake! What are you going to offer me for it?!”

Me: “Ma’am, there were no helicopters. Yesterday was simply a jest, all the crew live aboard the ship.”

Guest: *Embarrassed but backtracking.* “Well, then… what are you going to offer me for making a joke?!”

That was my first and last time joking with the guests.

Related:
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 12
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 11
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 10
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 9
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 8

I’m a type one diabetic. I was on a cruise ship with my family, and sometimes I would be stopped on my way out of the ship because of my insulin pump. (It can’t go through an X-ray scanner.)

I was stopped at one point with this other guy, who jokingly asked me:

Guy: “What are you in for?”

Me: “Insulin pump.”

Guy: “No way!”

And he took out his pump! We laughed and shared diagnosis stories.

The next day, he came up to me in the buffet, thanking God he’d found me. His pump wasn’t waterproof, and he’d jumped into a pool. He’d also forgotten to bring insulin vials that could fit into a manual pen. I was able to give him insulin, and we got some coffee together.

We never traded contact information, and I never saw him again, but he was a cool dude.

I live in the USA, but I am on vacation in the Caribbean. No one from work has my actual phone number, and my work phone is obviously switched off.

I suddenly get a barrage of messages from my boss on my personal Facebook and Instagram.

Boss: “I need you to work tomorrow!”

In reply, I just send back a picture of myself at the beach.

Boss: “I’ll pay for your ticket back!”

Me: “Nope.”

I blocked him. When I got back the next week, he tried to reprimand me, but he stopped when I said I would go to Human Resources with the evidence that he had harassed me via my personal social media accounts while I was on my first vacation in five years.