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Some People Will Make Ice Cream Out Of ANYTHING

, , , , , | Friendly | April 19, 2021

I am on a bus waiting to take me back to my cruise ship when a very sophisticated European lady sits down with an ice cream cone. A very southern lady from the USA is seated behind her.

American Lady: “That ice cream cone looks sooo good! What kind is it?

The European lady answers in a heavy accent.

European Lady: “Mango.”

The southern lady looks very shocked as she repeats what she thinks she heard.

American Lady: “Mountain goat?!”

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A Well-Done Interaction Is Rare

, , , , | Working | January 7, 2021

My sister and I are getting lunch at a restaurant. Our waitress is taking our order when this happens.

Waitress: “What will you be having?”

Sister: “Just a burger and fries.”

Waitress: “How would you like that cooked?”

Sister: “Medium, please.”

Waitress: “Sir?”

Me: “I’ll have the roasted chicken with potatoes, please.”

Waitress: “And how would you like that done?”

Me: “Wha?”

Waitress: “How would you like that done?”

Me: “I’m confused…”

My sister is now doubled over with laughter.

Waitress: *Mildly annoyed* “How. Well. Would. You. Like. Your. Chicken. Done?”

Me: *Amused now* “Let’s go for well-done.”

Waitress: *Snarkily* “Coming right up.”

Unfortunately — fortunately? — my roasted chicken did not come out burned to a crisp but was rather moist and tasty.

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Cruising Your Way To Some Excellent Tips

, , | Working | July 8, 2020

I’m on a cruise ship in the Caribbean with my wife, her parents, and her two sisters. We agree early on that every night we will have dinner together, and we will go early enough to beat the rush. It’s one of the first nights, and we have a very friendly waitress taking our order, bringing us our food, etc.

The next night, my parents-in-law decide they want to try the ship’s Teppanyaki restaurant, so it’s just the three daughters and me. We end up coincidentally at the same table, with the same waitress. What happens next surprises us.

Waitress: “Good evening, Ms. [Sister-In-Law #1], Ms. [Sister-In-Law #2], Ms. [Wife], Mr. [My Name]. Where are Mr. [Father-In-Law] and Mrs. [Mother-In-Law]?”

We are shocked. We have not told her our names; she must have read them on our ID cards which we showed her when ordering drinks. Just as amazing is what happens next:

Waitress: “Do you want iced tea, water, ginger ale, and Diet Pepsi again?”

This was our correct order from the previous night.

From then on, every night, we asked specifically if we could sit in that waitress’s section. Once, they even pulled her off of buffet duty to wait our table — for which she thanked us profusely. 

Once, the hostess started bringing us somewhere else, and we saw the waitress already putting our drinks at our regular table. Despite her efforts to discourage us, my father-in-law left her a massive tip.

I know it’s not reasonable to expect that wait staff will remember your name and order, but when it does happen, it helps make the meal a bit more special.

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Missing Part Of The Picture

, , | Right | June 2, 2020

I am the assistant manager of sales in the photo department onboard a cruise ship. We sell a lot of cameras and we have a special on a waterproof cameras that comes with a kit: 4GB card, rubber case, and a floating strap.

A guest just bought one and I explain to him how to use it. The next day, he’s back.

Guest: “Hey, uh… Listen, I lost my camera.”

Me: “What happened?”

Guest: “Well, I went snorkeling, and I forgot to put on the floating strap, so it fell down and I couldn’t find it. I want to buy another one.”

Me: “All right, no problem. I’m sorry you lost your camera. Here, let me bring you another one and show you how to put on the floating strap.”

I bring a new camera, show him how the floating strap is attached, and go through all the details. I have to add that I have the very same camera and I have never had issues with it and the floating strap works great.

Fast forward to the next day. The same guest comes back.

Guest: “Uh… Yeah, I lost the other camera, too.”

Me: “What? Again? How?”

Guest: “Well, I didn’t put on the floating strap and I went on a snorkeling excursion and I dropped it in the water.”

I am speechless!

Guest: “So, uh… Can I have another one for free?”

Me: “Sorry, but no.”

Guest: “But I already bought two of these; you should give me another one for free!”

Me: “Thanks for your business, but I’m afraid it won’t change my answer. You can’t have a $300 camera for free.”

He actually complained to guest services and I got a call from the hotel director. When I explained to him what happened, he couldn’t stop laughing.

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Reached My T-Total For Rich Snobs

, , , | Friendly | December 21, 2018

(I am on a cruise ship. I get on an elevator that has a teenage girl and two women in it, with one of the women looking a bit more prim and proper than the other. Based on something they say as I enter, I assume it is a girl, her mother, and her upscale aunt.)

Aunt: “So, why was your husband wearing a t-shirt?”

Mother: “Because tonight is a casual night for dinner.”

Aunt: *in a serious, almost offended tone* “T-shirts aren’t casual; t-shirts are for the poor!”

(I manage not to laugh. The door opens and they get off. As the door closes I hear the mother say, “We were just talking about your shirt…”)

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