(The store I work for is a little different in that we don’t hand-ring the stuff we sell; instead, the price gets hand-keyed in and classified into a department. If you were to purchase an item that was $19.99 from the home goods section, your receipt would show, “$19.99 Home Goods.” Because of this, we have a large problem with fraudulent returns where someone will purchase an item, slap the sticker on something we don’t sell, and then bring the unwanted item back in to return. All of the return cashiers, myself included, have gone through several meetings where if something just seems off, or if the item doesn’t look like anything we sell, then we should get verification from the department head first. It’s been a busy, stressful day where I have done way too many returns, following policy the whole time. As I have been employed here for a few years now, I know most of the stock we have. When it’s time for the department heads to come gather their returns to replace on the shelves, the department head storms over to me with a lamp I returned earlier.)

Department Head: “[My Name], did you return this lamp or did [Coworker who is currently on lunch]?”

Me: “I did. Why? What’s wrong with it? I inspected it thoroughly.”

Department Head: “Why didn’t you call me up here before you returned it?”

Me: “They had their receipt, so it wasn’t necessary to call you.”

Department Head: “And how old was their receipt?”

Me: “It was less than a week old; why does that matter? If it had been too old, it would have shown as non-returnable when I scanned the receipt in.”

Department Head: “Well, you had one pulled over on you. We don’t carry this lamp, so now I have to toss it out, and we lose that money.”

Me: “Since when do we not carry that lamp?”

Department Head: “We have never carried this lamp.”

Me: “Well, that is really crazy.”

Department Head: “I know my department! And I know we have never carried that lamp.”

Me: “Well, if that is the case, then this lamp has been frequently returned before.”

Department Head: “No, you’re the only one that has done that.”

Me: “Okay, for starters, I have only had a few bad returns, and that was shortly after I first started. And another thing: I sold this lamp only five days ago, to the people who returned it today. I remember it so well because I thought it was a very beautiful and interesting lamp. So, either it is a new item that you haven’t noticed yet, or someone else fraudulently returned it before I did so that I was able to resell it.”

Department Head: “You sold this lamp?”

Me: “Of course. I even had a conversation with the couple that bought it, as they weren’t 100% sure it would be a good fit, and I explained to them our return policy.”

(She turns around and stalks off towards her department. About three minutes, later she comes back to the front and I see her pull my CSM to the side. The two of them talk for about 30 seconds before she walks off again.)

CSM: *to me* “She said she carries that lamp, and it’s a brand new item that just came in on Thursday, so she hasn’t even seen it yet.”

(Thursday was the day I sold it to the couple.)

Me: “I wonder why she couldn’t just come over and tell me that.”

CSM: “Honestly, I think she was embarrassed.”

(I never did get an apology from that particular department head, but she has been a little nicer towards me since that interaction.)

(My workplace encourages us to switch the lights off when there is no one in the bathroom. Most workers hit the light-switch once they enter the bathroom to turn the light on, and again when they are leaving to turn it off. I am sitting in one stall with the lights on. An unknown person enters and hits the button, causing the light to go out. I am now sitting in the dark. Luckily, there is a switch to turn the light on from inside the stall. I promptly hit it. The other person then walks into the stall next to mine and finishes quickly before me. As she is leaving the stall, she hits the button again, causing me once again to sit in the dark. I promptly switch the light back on, too.  After she finishes washing her hands, she leaves the bathroom and hits the button yet again. In turn, I switch the light on from inside my stall. I hear the person stop in her tracks and hit the button a fourth time. I turn the light back on again and wait. After a couple of seconds, she turns the light off a fifth time. I switch it back on and decide to say something.)

Me: *clears throat* “I am still in the stall, sorry.”

Other Person: “Ah, oh…” *waits a couple seconds and hits the button a sixth time, then leaves*

Me: *sitting in the dark yet again* “Okay, then.”

(While it was a little annoying, I also found it quite funny, as I couldn’t understand how she could turn the light off six times without noticing me switching it on again, especially after I announced my presence.)

I work at a coffee shop, and the owners are terribly cheap. We have an air conditioning system that breaks down every year, and this year is no exception. We are in the middle of July and it’s blazing hot outside. Indoors, we only have two small fans set up on either side of the store as an attempt to keep things cool. Workers regularly dart to the back to get a drink of water, since we aren’t allowed to keep a drink on us in the front.

One of my coworkers who was on deli goes into the back for a drink; I agree to cover her while she is gone. Usually, people only take a minute for a drink of water, but after almost ten minutes she still isn’t back. Once there is a break in food orders, I go look for her. I search all over the place, including outside, in the washrooms, and even in the walk-in-freezer, and she is nowhere to be found. I have another food order, so I give up looking for the time being.

A little bit later, I need to grab some butter from the fridge, which is large, but not a walk-in. I open the door and find my coworker sitting in it, head between her knees.

Turns out, she was working deli, which has a toaster that was radiating heat. The heat from the toaster, combined with the already sweltering heat from the weather, overwhelmed her and gave her heat exhaustion. So, she went to “get a drink of water,” and sat in the fridge to try and cool herself down. While in the fridge, she felt nauseous and dizzy and put her head down to help herself get over the feeling.

However, when I open the door, I don’t realize any of that information and think I have just stumbled upon a corpse that was stuffed in the fridge. I let out such a loud shriek that all of my coworkers come sprinting over to see what is wrong. When we have all figured out what happened, they laugh their tails off at me for being scared.

They now frequently hide in the fridge and jump out at me. On the bright side, because of the incident, our owners have finally paid to fix the air conditioning, which has made working in the summer much more bearable.

(In our weekly lab meeting, one of my colleagues is presenting a complicated experimental plan with a lot of procedures over the course of several days.)

Boss: “You’re putting yourself at risk here by having so many steps. Every step you take…”

Me: “Every move you make?”

(The store I work for hires non-violent ex-cons. One of my coworkers was a thief who stole electronics. Recently, some electronics have gone missing. When reports started two weeks ago, he had been here for a few months already. Many have a feeling it’s him but don’t want to falsely accuse just based on past behavior. Our managers have said to keep an eye out and that valuables can be kept in a locked office; an internal investigation is under way and they’ll get the police involved when required. One coworker, however, goes straight up to the ex-thief.)

Coworker: “Hey! I know it’s you. There’s no way it can be anyone else. Hand that mp3 player over. You have no right to get into my bag!” *pushes*

Ex-Thief: “I swear, it’s really not me! Let them investigate.”

Coworker: “No one needs to. You’re a d*** thief and we all know that!”

Manager: “Hey! Calm down. We said we’d investigate. If he’s the thief then he’s going back to jail, but if not, a false accusation is hurtful.”

Coworker: “This is ridiculous. It. Is. Him. I’m calling the police right now.”

Ex-Thief: “You know what? Why not just call the police and get this over with?”

Me: “I think we all know he’s the likely suspect, but he’s innocent until proven guilty.”

Ex-Thief: “[Manager], how about I take a few days off work, perhaps?”

Manager: “I think that would be fine.”

Coworker: “No! He’s going to just leave and we’ll never see him or our missing stuff again!”

(In the end, the managers did an immediate search of the employee room. They found a missing cell phone wrapped in an eyeglass cloth… with the company name which someone remembered that the angry coworker had glasses from. Yes, HE turned out to be the actual thief, and it was proven by security camera later. His “missing” mp3 player turned out to be in his own bag. Police agreed.)