Playing The Irony Card

| WA, USA | Working | May 11, 2016

(I am standing in line while the person in front of my is asking about the job offering. I didn’t catch the whole conversation.)

Cashier: “Yeah, probably the most important part of the job is making sure you card.”

Customer: “Oh, of course. I don’t want to get anyone in trouble.”

Cashier: “Wait, we are only hiring people over 21. Are you old enough?”

Customer: “Well, you did just sell me beer, so I hope so.”

(Cue a laugh from everyone in earshot.)

Tea-tering On Falling Asleep

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Working | May 6, 2016

(It is one am after my day off. I am finally admitting I’m tired and have relocated to my bed to read just a little bit more before I pass out. Suddenly my phone rings, and it’s my work. I answer expecting it to be some sort of emergency. I am the associate manager.)

Coworker: “I have a customer who just bought a can of [Tea], but it wasn’t until they opened it and took a drink out of it that they realized it was the wrong flavor. Can we trade it out?”

Me: *not quite believing I am called at one am for THIS* “No.”

Coworker: “Well, I thought I’d ask before saying no.”

Me: “If it was unopened, or something wrong with the product, yes, but not just if the customer wasn’t paying attention and messed up.”

Coworker: “Oh.”

Me: “Also, this is NOT something to make a one am phone call about. I was going to sleep.”

Coworker: “Oh. Well—”

Me: “Goodnight.”

(This wasn’t the first time he had called during third shift about such things, but not on things that would make his cash over or short be more than the allowed amount. I think he panicked when a customer complained about things and he didn’t give them their way, so he called me to relay the message to the customer instead of standing his ground. Grow a backbone! And if you wouldn’t call the manager about it at one am, don’t call me either!)

Trash-Talking Hits The Bottom Of The Barrel

, | Malden, MA, USA | Right | April 8, 2016

(I work in a city where the people have to buy city trash-bags that are expensive. We had to get rid of our trash barrel from outside the store because people started throwing away their home trash in it.)

Customer: *walking in with bag full of trash* “Do you have a barrel so I can throw away my trash?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we had to get rid of it.”

Customer: “Well, why?”

Me: “Because people started to bring their home trash to our store and leave it around our barrel because they didn’t want to buy city bags.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. Where am I supposed to throw away my trash?”

Me: “At home with your city bags?”

Must Be Another Trump Supporter

| Cornwall, England, UK | Right | April 8, 2016

(I am working a busy evening shift in my local village store. Normally our customers are fine but every now and then, one comes in drunk. My till is right by the newspapers.)

Me: “Good evening, sir. Having a nice night?”

Customer: *nodding at the papers* “They should just nuke them.”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Those d*** terrorists. We should just nuke them.”

Me: “Er… I’m not sure that would be a good idea, sir.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, for one, terrorists organisations aren’t exactly in one particular location like a country, and two, it’s never a good idea to drop nuclear weapons.”

Customer: “We should f***ing nuke them!”

Me: “Very good, sir. You have a nice night.”

Drug Tests And Cell Phones And Crocs, Oh My

| USA | Working | March 30, 2016

(Our store manager is on vacation. About a month prior, we’d been assigned a new assistant manager, who was promptly nicknamed the dictator, and a manager-in-training, who is constantly cheerful with a gratingly high voice. The assistant manager yells at employees often, but uses our store manager’s vacation as an excuse to go on a punishment spree. I get a phone call from our manager-in-training on a Thursday.)

Manager-In-Training: *voicemail* “Hi, [My Name]. We need to get your drug test scheduled ASAP! Come in today or EARLY tomorrow. Bye!”

(I have a painfully shy bladder, so I drink more than any one human being should, simply so I won’t have the chance to freeze up. I’m in the store by 10:45 am Friday. By 11:00, she finally comes to customer service where I’ve been waiting. Note: our store is not terribly big.)

Manager-In-Training: “I’m so glad you’re here since this drug test is super important! Unfortunately, I don’t have the credentials to actually authorize your drug test. But [Assistant Manager] will be here at noon!”

Me: *my stomach drops as I’m already to the point of bursting* “Why did you tell me to come early if I couldn’t actually do it until the afternoon?!”

Manager-In-Training: “I was expecting you to call back!”

Me: “Why would I call back? What was there to clarify? You said that night or early today. That’s pretty straightforward!”

Manager-In-Training: “Well, I’m sorry. He’ll be here at noon! What are your plans for the rest of the day?”

(I end up going home and peeing, seeing how I didn’t think I’d be able to hold it another hour plus the time it would take to get authorized and drive to the testing location. That night I have to work, and I am in the process of trying to both decipher and darken our weekly schedule for that department, as the managers have take to copying them painfully light. The department phone rings and I answer it.)

Me: “[Department], [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Assistant Manager: “You wanna get off your phone?”

Me: *confused* “What…?”

Assistant Manager: “I see you bent over your register. Get off your phone.”

Me: “I’m not on my phone; I’m at the computer desk trying to read the schedule since it’s barely legible.”

Assistant Manager: “You’re what?”

Me: “I’m WRITING.”

Assistant Manager: “Oh.” *hangs up*

(One of the stock people approaches, wanting to be rung out for her break.)

Stock: “They tried to write me up for my shirt today!” *gestures to her respectable black button-down shirt* “Because it’s not BLUE.”

Me: “What? Who did?”

Stock: “[Assistant Manager] and [Manager-In-Training]! I told them no, because [Store Manager] said it was okay! Even [Regional Supervisor] has seen me wearing this shirt, and he has never said a word about it! So, I told them no, I’m not signing that write-up. If they don’t want me to wear it anymore, fine, but they’re not going to write me up for something I’ve been wearing for years! They tried to write up [Coworker] for his shirt, too. I told him no, don’t sign that! You’ve been wearing that shirt since you started, and nobody said a word until [Store Manager] went on vacation!”

(It’s also worth noting that on Thursday, they sent one of the cashiers home for wearing crocs because there’s holes in them, because open-toe shoes of any kind are against the dress code, but instead of calling in a replacement, they just left the store with basically one cashier all day.)

Me: “Christ, [Store Manager] really needs to come back and reign in the kids. They’re getting ridiculous…”

(That stock person is one of his favorites, and I honestly can’t wait to hear what she tells our store manager. In the meantime, the rest of us are literally counting down the hours until his return…)

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