On A Maturity Diet

| Sparta, WI, USA | Right | June 3, 2015

(Two customers approach my register one night with some two-liter bottles of Coke, some tubes of Mentos and other assorted snacks. I begin ringing them up.)

Customer #1: “Don’t worry; we’re not gonna go do the Coke and Mentos thing.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, that’s not what we’re going to go do.”

Me: “Well, I figured as much. You’d want the diet for that to work.”

(The customers trade a glance.)

Customer #1: “Really?”

Me: “Yup. It’s the artificial sweetener that helps speed the reaction.”

(The customers trade a second glance.)

Customer #2: “Mind if we go switch these out for diet?”

Me: “They’re the same price; go for it.”

Customer #1: “Thanks.”

(They exchange the bottles and as they’re headed out the door…)

Customer #1: “And we’re totally not gonna do the Diet Coke and Mentos thing!”

(The kicker? They were in their late 30’s at the youngest, judging by their salt-and-pepper beard stubble.)

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You Have A Hot Voice

| Seattle, WA, USA | Right | May 25, 2015

(I’m at the register on a slow day. A customer comes to the counter with a couple of boxes of Hot Pockets.)

Me: *scanning the boxes and singing the jingle*Hot Pock-ets!”

Customer: *deadpan* “That was beautiful… I hope that’s not weird to say.”

Me: “Not at all! Thank you!”

(Made my day!)

Toys We ‘R’ Not

| IN, USA | Right | May 18, 2015

Me: “Thanks for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: *in a strong accent* “I’m lookin’ for Taggers!”

Me: “Taggers?”

Caller: “Yes, I need some Taggers and I know ya had ’em last year, I want ’em for Easter.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I have bad hearing. Could you spell that for me?”

Caller: “What’s so hard about Taggers?” *sighs* “T-a-g-g-e-r-s; Taggers!”

Me: “Taggers?”

Caller: “Yes! Giant, stuffed, plush Taggers!”

Me: “Oh, tigers!”

Caller: “That’s what I said!”

Me: “I’m sorry we didn’t get any in this year.”

Caller: “Well do you know who might have them?”

Me: “Toys R Us?”

Caller: “Great idea! I’ll give you my number.”

Me: “Number?”

Caller: “You know, my phone number!”

Me: “Why would you give me your phone number?”

Caller: *sigh* “So you can call them and then tell me if they have any!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t dial out, but you have a nice day and I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

(I quickly hung up the phone and my manager laughed at me, until he answered the phone. It was the same woman calling back, wanting us to see if ‘Toys R Us’ had her Taggers.)

Giving His Leg A Clean Break

| WI, USA | Right | April 29, 2015

(Every month a cleaning company comes into our business to buff the tile floors. It is about 9:45 and we close at 10:00 so the last minute rush has begun. A middle-aged man enters and notices the cleaning crew mopping the floors.)

Man: *dramatically falls landing on his leg* “Ow! My leg! Why didn’t you tell me the floor was wet?” *followed by more moans of agony*

Me: “Sir, we have a problem.”

Man: “Of course we have a d*** problem! I just broke my f****** leg!”

Me: “Well… they haven’t even cleaned this side of the store yet.”

(Suddenly his yells of pain are silenced. Then, he stands up on his ‘broken leg’ and quickly darts out the door. But I did receive applause from both the other customers and the cleaning crew!)

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Drunk With Managerial Power

| USA | Working | April 28, 2015

(I work in a convenience store that takes money orders at the customer service desk. The company we do them through isn’t cooperating that day, and my manager has just phoned them for the third time when he gets paged to assist one of the front registers.)

Manager: *SIGH*

Me: “Do you want me to just take your key? If it’s just a void or something, I can do that while you fight with these people.”

Manager: “Yeah, would you? My numbers are [numbers].”

(I take the manager key, which is required for price changes, voiding any merchandise priced higher than $5, and in this case, authorizing rain checks. We have to page the managers for almost everything, and have to sit there and wait for them to show up while the customers stew. It turned out the customers in this case want a rain check for an item we no longer carried.)

Me: *to everyone up front before heading back to my own department* “I’ve got the manager key if anyone needs it. Just page me to whatever register.”

(Nobody else needs the key, and eventually the manager pages me back to customer service so I can return it to him. I go back to talk to a coworker up front with a pout.)

Me: “My brief reign of power is over.”

Coworker: “And it was surprisingly peaceful!”

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