(Back in the day, my boss calls me up at seven am on my day off to tell me that the drawer was short $80 from the night before when I closed, ruining my one day that week to sleep in.)

Boss: “So, the drawer is short $80. Is there anything you want to tell me?”

Me: “I don’t know; is it stuck in the safe drop? The flap is loose in the drop slide.”

Boss: “No, I checked.”

Me: “Are there any discrepancies in the cash out? It looked balanced to me. Did I mess up?”

Boss: “Not that I could see. The drawer is balanced and the printout looks solid, so the only thing that’s off is the deposit safe.”

Me: “Then I have no idea. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Boss: “Ok, but just call me if there’s anything you want to tell me.”

(Twenty minutes later he calls again:)

Boss: “You know, I still can’t find that $80.”

Me: “Well, crap.”

Boss: “And I looked at the security footage, and I didn’t see anything suspicious, but it was only you and the trainee working last night, and you were the only person handling the cash register.”

Me: “Darn. Are you sure it’s not stuck in the loose panel in the safe drop?”

Boss: “No, it’s not.”

Me: “Okay, then. I don’t know what to tell you.”

Boss: “Well, listen, I know you’re tight on money lately, and I just think it’s funny that there’s $80 missing from the safe on a night you were working. I respect you, so if you took the money and you bring it back right now I won’t get mad, and I won’t fire you.”

Me: “Well, [Boss], I respect you, too, so I’m going to put it this way. I have on numerous occasions caught my coworkers stealing from you and immediately reported it to you and you handled the situation. Since I’ve started working for you you’ve repeatedly said that I’ve saved you money because of changes that I’ve made in ensuring certain policies are adhered to, and since you’ve hired me you’ve passed every corporate and health inspection with a margin of five percent. You know very well that I have integrity and that I have always acted in the best interest of your business.”

Boss: “Well–”

Me: “And when you hired me you trusted me to be your number two to watch out for all of your franchises, train all of your employees, and take care of all of your stores, and you gave me a lot of freedom and a lot of responsibility, and you trusted me. A lot. You gave me the master keys to all four of your stores, I have the alarm codes to all four stores, I have the safe codes to all four stores, I have the computer password and access to all of your files in the office that track your accounting, and I know the password to tell the alarm company that tells them not to send the police in case I accidentally set off the alarm anyway.  All this means that at any given day I could walk into all four of your restaurants and steal every penny you have in all four safes AND THEN I could go into the office, blip the security footage, and fudge the accounting so you wouldn’t know it was missing for weeks until you ran your quarterly paperwork — which would have given me plenty of time to skip out on you and cover my tracks even more. If I were going to rob you I would take a hell of a lot more than $80. It’s simply just easier to work a full week every week at minimum wage and get a paycheck every Friday. Robbing you would be too much of a hassle, no matter how easy you’ve made it for me. You keep telling me and everyone else that I’m so smart, so think about it. Am I dumb enough to get myself fired over a measly $80? Please stick your hand INTO the safe and feel UPWARD into the drop slide to see if the envelope is stuck in the loose panel.”

Boss: “…oh. Okay, I’ll look again.”

(A half hour later he calls me back.)

Boss: “Hey, so, I found the missing $80. The corner of the envelope got stuck in the loose panel of the drop safe and it was hanging out of the flap instead of falling into the safe.”

Me: *facepalm* “That’s great, [Boss]. See you tomorrow.”

(I still had that job for another two years after that — and no, he didn’t take any further precautions against theft, even after I told him all of the ways I could potentially screw him over. I guess that at the end of the day he really did trust me.)

Me: “Okay, your total is [total].”

Customer: “I have this five dollar off coupon.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, as it says on the coupon, the five dollars off are only for purchases of $25.00 or above, excluding tax.”

Customer: “But I have $25.00.”

Me: “Yes, but that’s including the tax. Your total before tax is $24.90 which is what the coupon counts. You can grab a candy or something to make it enough.”

(The lady stands there for ages angrily reading all the exclusions on the coupon.)

Me: “Uh… so did you want to grab a candy or…?”

Customer: “IT DOESN’T SAY THAT ABOUT THE TAX ON THIS COUPON!”

Me: “It’s a law that coupons can’t be used on tax, not store policy, so they wouldn’t write it on the coupon—”

Customer: “IT DOESN’T SAY THAT ABOUT THE TAX ON THIS COUPON. I’M CALLING THE BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU.”

(She then throws the coupon and storms out, leaving her purchases. All right, lady. If they printed every single consumer and business law on a coupon, it would go out the door!)

(I work in a store that has a tech counter. One day, while I’m working the register, I slip into the office to change my walkie-talkie, as mine has died. I overhear this gem between one of my managers and a tech while in there.)

Manager: *checking old records in the computer* “We can’t do anything for him. He hasn’t made a purchase here since 2013. That’s why he doesn’t have any coupons.”

Tech: “Well, can we give him a manager coupon? The guy’s about to blow his pacemaker.”

(The manager laughs so hard she almost chokes on the soda she’s sipping.)

Tech: “Seriously. I don’t want to stand too close to him; I think his blood pressure’s getting so high the mic in the walkie might just be enough to set it off.”

(I had to get back on register. I have no idea if the tech convinced her to swing a coupon.)

I work in a restaurant that has double-decker coffee makers, meaning you brew a pot in the normal fashion, put the finished pot on a burner above the brewer, then make another pot.

A regular would always ask for a cup of coffee “from the fresh pot,” meaning the pot that was newly made instead of the one on the top burner. He never listened when I told him that the coffee on the top burner was only sitting there long enough for the second pot to be made.

After a while, it became annoying.

One day, I happened to look up and saw him making his way toward the restaurant. The second pot had just finished brewing, so I immediately switched pots. Sure enough, the regular made his usual request for the “fresh pot.” No problem, sir! He never noticed the difference.

(I and a friend are sitting in a fast food place, eating our food and talking. We are both trans (MTF) and are very early in our transitions, so it is noticeable. We have just finished our burgers and are about to get up to leave, when the store manager walks over with two small desserts. She places them on the table in front of us.)

Me: “What’s this? We didn’t order dessert.”

Manager: “It’s on the house. This is just my way of saying congrats on living your lives the way you want. I have an aunt that’s a member of the LGBT community, and the stuff she has to go through on a daily basis… I can’t even comprehend. This is just my way of showing support.”

(The manager walked away, and my friend and I began tearing up. It was years ago, but it made our day, and I will never forget that kindness!)

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