Me: “Hello! What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I need some more goldfish. I keep losing them.”

Me: “You lose them? How do you lose your goldfish?”

Customer: “They keep escaping when I clean the tank.”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t understand. How do they escape?”

Customer: “Well, when I clean the tank I put ’em in the toilet. When I come back, one of them’s always swum down the hole!”

Me: “I’m going to need to go over a few things with you before I sell you the fish.”

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(I work at a house museum that specializes in Revolutionary War-era history — the 1770s. In the gift shop, I am ringing out a woman and her son.)

Me: “Okay, so you’re buying a quill pen for $2 and some ink for $3. We don’t have tax, so your total will be $5 even.”

Customer: “No taxes? Is that because taxes hadn’t been invented back then?”

Me: “Actually, taxes are what we fought the whole Revolutionary War about.”

Customer: “What war?”

This story is part of the “What Are They Teaching In School These Days?!” roundup!

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(The power has gone out in the cafe.)

Customer: “I’d like a soda, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but since the power is out, we can only sell bakery products from the window.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I only wanted to use the Wi-Fi, anyway.”

(He sits in the corner, but comes back a few minutes later.)

Customer: “The wi-fi seems to be down. Could you reset it?”

Me: “No, sir. The power is out, so the Wi-Fi won’t work until it comes back on.”

Customer: “Don’t you have batteries for it?”

(I am a cashier finishing up with a customer. I gesture for him to sign the electronic pad when paying by card.)

Me: “Okay, please go ahead and sign the pad.”

(The customer takes out an ink pen and proceeds to get ink all over the electronic pad.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that won’t work. You need to use the electronic pen.”

Customer: *suddenly realizing* “Oh, I’m sorry! Look at what I did! Will this come out?”

(Before I can answer, he attempts to erase the ink several times by pushing the “clear” button.)

Customer: “Doesn’t look like it’ll come out…”

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(I work as an artifacts specialist at an exhibit featuring artifacts from the Titanic wreck. We also have a large “iceberg” to show people how cold the water was the night the ship sank.)

Customer: “Is this the actual iceberg that sank the Titanic?”

Me: “No, it’s just a frosted piece of plastic to show how cold the water was.”

Customer: “So where in this place is the actual iceberg that sunk the Titanic?”

This story is part of the Unrealistic-Expectations roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

15 Hilarious Stories About Customers Demanding The Impossible

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