Administrator: “It was just wonderful! The French class was singing Feliz Navidad in French!”

(I am a below-the-knee amputee and have to visit my doctors quite frequently, so it gets a little funny when they ask their questions.)

Nurse: “Do you have a fear of falling?”

Me: *looks at her, looks at missing leg* “Um, yes.”

Nurse: “Do you have trouble walking?”

Me: “Um… That would also be a yes.”

(Somehow it never occurs to them that I am missing my leg, yet the information is right in front of them.)

(It’s my birthday.)

Mom: “I’m so glad you decided to come into this family.”

Me: “Yeah, well, it wasn’t really my decision. It was way comfier just hanging out in your uterus, but, of course, you had to kick me out against my will. You are the worst landlord ever.”

Mom: *laughs*

(I’ve been working at my current job at a college campus bookstore for some time now. Students get their textbooks here, and we also sell supplies like pencils, notebooks, and art supplies, and we have [University]-themed merchandise for football fans of the school. These are the type of questions I get on a weekly basis…)

Customer: “Do you have bath bombs?”

Customer #2: “Do you have [University] lingerie?”

Customer #3: “Do you sell cell phones?”

Customer #4: “Do you have [Rival University] stuff?”

Customer #5: “Where’s my final?”

Customer #6: “I accidentally returned my book too early; I need it to study for my final. Can I have it back?”

(I work at [Coffee Shop] as one of the closers. Almost every night, a girl comes in around ten minutes before closing. My coworkers hate it, but she’s always polite and tips, so I try to not be annoyed. Lately though, she’s been coming five minutes or less before closing, annoying my coworkers and managers. One night, she comes in at 9:59 and one of the workers who’s covering the closing but works mornings greets her.)

Coworker: “Hey! Back again for more coffee?”

(The customer blushes but nods, places her order, and leaves her usual tip. After she leaves my coworkers begin to talk.)

Coworker: “I get that we have to provide service until 10, but that doesn’t mean she can walk in at 9:59 for freaking coffee. What on earth does she need caffeine for at this time of night?”

Shift Coverer: “She’s actually a night chef. She works overnights and also has a second job across the street at [Restaurant] as a line cook. She probably needs all the caffeine she can get. Besides, at least she’s nice and has simple orders.”

(After that, it was a little hard to get mad at her for walking in so late and keeping us around an extra five minutes. And it taught me a lesson about judging.)