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It’s All Downhill From Here

, , , | Working | August 4, 2016

(My dad works for Ski Patrol, and is sitting in on a morning meeting about mountain safety…)

Lecturer: “Just remember: If you find yourself standing on slope that is moving, you are in an avalanche.”

Coworker: “Um… DUH!?”

Stick A PIN In My Heart

, , , | Romantic | January 20, 2016

(The customer is an elderly gentleman.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, yes, I am trying to access my voicemail, but I don’t remember my PIN.”

Me: “Oh, that’s all right. Let’s get your account pulled up and we will see if we can update your PIN.”

(We get the account pulled up and I change his PIN for him. I always make sure things are working before I let my customers go.)

Me: “All right, if you would like to go ahead and call your voicemail and make sure the PIN works?”

(The customer does so and the line goes quiet for a few moments. When the customer finally speaks up, he is much quieter than before.)

Customer: “Thank you so much. My wife left me a voicemail to pick up some groceries a few months ago. She passed away last month. I just wanted to hear her voice one more time.”

Me: *sadly speechless*

No More Grand Grande Requests

, , , | Right | November 16, 2015

(I go to my local [Coffee Chain] and step in line behind three high school students.)

Student #1: “I’d like a grande caramel brûlée latte with a double pump of caramel and extra whipped cream.”

Student #2: “I’ll have a venti iced pumpkin spice latte with three shots, extra whipped cream. Don’t put too much ice in, please.”

Student #3: “I’ll take a grande caramel brûlée frappuccino blended coffee with extra caramel and extra whipped cream.”

(Throughout this transaction, the barista is polite and efficient. I approach the counter and order my usual.)

Me: “Grande latte, please.”

(The barista looked up and mouthed the words “thank you” before completing my order. Made my day!)


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Luckily They Found It A-Mew-sing

, , , , , | Working | October 19, 2015

(My vet calls me with the results of some tests he’s done on one of my cats.)

Me: “Hello?”

Vet: “This is [Vet] from [Clinic]. Is this [Cat]?”

Me: “…Meow?”

Vet: “It’s been a very long day.”


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Totally Estupido

, , , | Learning | October 1, 2015

(I am getting started in my Spanish 1 class during freshman year. It is worth noting that our high school is pretty much a compilation of three other middle schools, so many of the students don’t know much about each other, nor the traditions of all the other middle schools.)

Teacher: “Does anyone know any full sentences in Spanish?”

Me: *raises hand* “I can say the Pledge of Allegiance.” *begins saying the Pledge in Spanish*

Student: *interrupts* “Wait, wait! Why the f*** are you saying the Pledge in Spanish?”

Me: “Um… because some of the kids in our school didn’t even know English. We said the Pledge in Spanish and English in the mornings.”

Student: “But they’re in f***ing America! They should know how to speak English! It’s SO stupid to say the pledge of allegiance in Spanish.”

Me: “If it’s so f***ing stupid for you to say the Pledge of Allegiance in Spanish, then why are you bothering to learn Spanish in America?”

Other Student: *plays MLG air-horn sound from his phone*

(The student dropped the class. I wasn’t punished for my cursing. Best start to freshman year ever.)