(I work in a coffee shop. My coworker is on her break, leaving me alone. I am helping somebody in the lobby as a lady comes by the drive-thru.)

Me: “Thanks for choosing [Coffee Shop]; I’ll be with you in a moment.”

(I finish serving the lobby guest, and go back to talking on the headset.)

Me: “Thanks so much for your patience; I do appreciate it. What sounds good today?”

Customer: “Can I get a 16-ounce hot chai?”

Me: “Absolutely! Anything else?”

Customer: “No, that’s all.”

Me: “I’ll see you at the window!”

(The customer gets to the window.)

Customer: “I don’t see why I had to wait when there’s no one in front of me.”

Me: “I’m so sorry about the wait; I was helping someone in the lobby, and we are short-staffed at the moment.”

Customer: “There’s absolutely no reason I should be waiting like that! Customers come first!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but, like I said, I was helping another customer in the store.”

Customer: “This is horrendous service! I’m very close with the owner and her family. I’m going to call her and see to it your employment is terminated!”

Me: *laughs* “You do that, ma’am! Have a fantastic night, and here’s your chai!”

(My coworker happens to be the owner’s daughter. I ask her about this lady.)

Coworker: “I have no idea who the f*** that lady is; she can f*** off.”

(She never did call the owner.)

(I am working the register one busy Saturday with two of my other coworkers. A kind, older gentleman steps up to order while talking to someone on his cell phone.)

Me: “What would you like to order?

Customer: *points to the phone* “My wife would like to order a coffee. Here.”

(He hands me his cell phone and I, without thinking, take it as though it is the most natural thing in the world.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. What would you like to order today?”

(She says something about iced coffee and I ask her if she would like cream and sweetener in it. At this point, the older gentleman points to the phone.)

Customer: “It helps if you put it on speaker.”

(I press the speaker button and continue with the order, after which I hand the phone back to the man and he pays. One of my coworkers gives me a weird look and I explain:)

Me: “Just go with it. Maybe he didn’t want to be an interpreter.”

(I work in a coffee shop.)

Customer: “I’ll take the chai tea with the sugar-free milk, or whatever you have.”

Me: “…”

(It’s been a long, busy afternoon and I’m trying to serve people whilst preparing food. I go to serve a customer but realise the banana bread behind me is burning, so I pull it out whilst I am still listening to her order. She is speaking very softly, so I ask her to repeat her order. In the most patronising way possible, she repeats her order.)

Customer: “I’ll have two small mudslide mochas with soy sauce.”

Me: “Uh… Did you mean soy milk?”

Customer: *instantly sheepish* “Oh, yeah. I guess so.”

(She scoffed like somehow it was my fault she said the wrong thing, paid, then walked away.)

(The store is full and the line long. Whilst I’m waiting for my drinks to be made, I overhear this:)

Cashier: “Do you have a points card?”

Old Man: “No, I don’t.”

Cashier: “Would you like one? You get points for every hot drink you buy and earn points for free drinks.”

Old Man: “No, don’t bother. I had one, but no one else took it.”

(I turn around, guessing at what he is implying, and try to tell if he is joking. His stern look tells me otherwise.)

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir. No one else took it? You mean other [Store] locations?”

Old Man: “No! Other coffee shops. I tried it in the one down the road. They told me that they wouldn’t take it. It’s a scam.”

Cashier: “Sorry, sir, do you mean [completely different Coffee Shop]?”

Old Man: “Yes, I went in there, and I spoke to the manager.”

Cashier: “Sir, our ‘loyalty’ card is for customers shopping at our store. That store has nothing to do with us.”

Old Man: “Well, that is just stupid.”

(I could see the cashier’s face as they struggled and gave up trying to explain the concept of a loyalty card that doesn’t reward you for being loyal!)