(I am at a coffee shop. I have quite an unusual name, which is always spelt wrong by strangers. Because of this, I decide to shorten my name to what only members of my family call me, because I don’t want to waste time spelling it to the barista. However, the shortened version of my name is quite common.)

Barista: “What’s your name?”

Me: *gives shortened version of my name*

Barista: *writes the name on the cup for my drink*

(A short while later, after I’ve been waiting for the drink…)

Barista: “[Drink] for [Shortened version of My Name]!”

Me: *stands there for a couple of seconds, then looks around* “Oh, s***! That’s me!”

(I work at a well-known cafe. There are two sets of registers, but the menu only hangs over one set. We do have a lot of paper menus for our guests to look at, which also list all the ingredients to our food. I am working at the registers that don’t have menus hanging over them. An elderly woman approaches my register.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am! How are you this afternoon?”

Customer: *angry* “I’m fine, except for the fact that I can’t even see your menu! This is such an inconvenience that I have to strain my eyes to see it!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. Would you like a paper menu? They list all of our items so you can see them up close and personal.”

Customer: *ignores me and orders as if she already knew what she wanted*

Me: *finishes ringing her up* “Okay, that’ll be ready shortly. Thank you, ma’am. Have a nice day!”

Coworker: “Why did she complain so much about the menu if she already knew what she wanted?”

Me: “You got me.”

(I have been working at a local coffee shop for about three months. We offer three different daily coffees: A light roast, a dark roast, and a decaf. This happens almost every day.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Coffee Shop]! What can I get started for you today?”

Customer: “I want a large, dark, light roast, please.”

Me: *slams head against wall*

(I  work as a barista for a popular coffee shop chain. It’s coming up to closing time, and my coworker and I are the last two left on shift. My coworker is on drinks and I’m on till. We have a customer come up to the counter and place an order:)

Customer: “I’d like a mocha and one of those caramel shortcakes.”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. Just give us a moment to get that ready for you!”

(Our cakes come pre-sliced, so they are virtually all the same; regardless, I try to sell it like the best one there, to make them feel special.)

Me: “Here we go! Picked you out the best slice I could see!”

Customer: “Um… No.”

Me: “Is there a problem with this one?”

Customer: “Well… It’s not got a lot of chocolate on it?”

Me: *looking between the slice and the identical 20+ slices left in the chiller* “I think you’ll find that each slice is exactly the sam—”

Customer: “NOW, SEE HERE! I’ve been eating caramel shortbreads since before you were born! And I’ve had them from your shop many times before! Give me another one!”

Me: “Right away.”

(I take the plate and I pick up the slice with tongs, put the slice back, pick up the same one again, put it on a new plate, and hand it back over.)

Customer: “See?! Was that so hard!? I won’t be sold short; I know what my caramel shortbreads look like!”

(She paid with a huff and stormed off with her coffee and cake. I should add that all our cakes are behind glass, so she could see the whole thing. My coworker was desperately trying not to laugh out loud as the customer walked away.)

Me: “Hey! How are you today?”

Customer: “Great! Hey, do you have hot chocolate, but like… over ice?”

Me: “We can do a chocolate milk for you, absolutely!”

Customer: “No. Hot chocolate, but over ice.”

Me: *sigh* “Yeah, we can do that for you.”

Customer: “Awesome!”

Me: “What size would you like?”

Customer: “Uh, medium.”

Me: “Okay! Anything else for you today?”

Customer: “Nope! That’ll do it!”

(I hand him his drink in a cup we typically serve hot drinks in; we make an exception for cold milk.)

Customer: *drink is already in his hand, so he’s felt the temperature, which is very well cold* “Oh, sorry, but I wanted this iced.”