Dear readers,

Since we’ve started publishing Clients From Hell stories, we’ve received way more newer submissions than we ever expected! The problems of clients who don’t know what they want, make impossible demands, and grossly misunderstand your technical knowledge are nothing new, but sadly, it looks like they aren’t going away, either! So, buckle up for this roundup of some of our crazier “Clients From Hell” stories that prove that sometimes it might not be so bad in retail after all…

Bad Energy Versus Bad Blood – When Mom foots the bill, then she can complain.

Pretty Much What Most History Books Are Doing These Days – The times may have changed, but history can’t be changed.

Money Can Be Exchanged For Goods *AND SERVICES* – Hits from the comments: “That’s a fascinating attitude that I’m sure will amuse the courts to no end before they fine the pants off you, sir.” (Credit: Xodiac)

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I’m designing an invitation for a client. After I email her a proof, her mother calls me.

Client’s Mother: “Hi. You sent a proof to my daughter over email. Can you send me the proof? My daughter tried to send it to me, but I can’t see it.”

Me: “No problem, I’ll send that through to you. Can you provide me with your email address?”

The client’s mother spells out a ridiculously long email address, featuring all six of her given names at [Website].

Me: “Great. I’ll send that to you in the next fifteen minutes.”

I send the digital proof. Moments later, I once again receive a call from the client’s mother.

Client’s Mother: “I am having the same problem with this email. I cannot see the proof!”

Me: “That’s strange; I definitely attached the file.”

Client’s Mother: “Maybe the Internet is weak?”

Me: “Um, I’m not sure how that works… Is the email open in front of you?”

Client’s Mother: “My computer is open. I’ve turned it on!”

Me: *Pauses* “And is the email I sent you open on your computer?”

Client’s Mother: “Yes.”

Me: “Can you scroll all the way to the bottom?”

Client’s Mother: “Yes.”

Me: “Is there an attachment called ‘Invite’ at the bottom?”

Client’s Mother: “Yes.”

Me: “Can you click on ‘Download’ or ‘View’?

Client’s Mother: “No, no, no! I don’t want to download it! Can’t you just read me the proof over the phone?”

I’m working on a browser game with cute, Disney-like anthropomorphic animals.

Client: “Oh, Jesus f***, we can’t have furries in our game. This is supposed to be a kid’s game!”

Me: “Uh… well, I based these on existing character designs. What makes them more… ‘furry’… than the other ones?”

Client: “Ugh, they just feel wrong. Make them over and make them less like people.”

I do, and a few days later, I give him more animal-like characters.

Client: “Now they’re just animals wearing clothing. You can’t just put a hat on a rabbit and give it a sword; no one’s going to believe it’s a warrior. It’s just a rabbit with a hat.”

Me: “Okay. So… you want them to look more like people, then?”

Client: “Of course! They’re supposed to be animal people! Not animals in clothes!”

I remake the characters again, and they end up looking more like the original artwork.

Client: “Ick, they look way too much like furries now. Gross. Remember, this is a kid’s game. They should look more like… I don’t know. Looney Tunes.”

Me: “Looney Tunes don’t match with any of the art that’s already been made, though.”

Client: “Eh, just change everything, then. Looney Tunes.”

So, I remake a bunch of art to look similar to “Looney Tunes”.

Client: “No, no, no. You can’t just have characters look like Looney Tunes; we’re going get sued for copyright infringement! What are you doing?”

Me: “You… You said to make them look like Looney Tunes…”

Client: “I would never say that. This is all wrong. Redo them. They need to look more like animals someone dressed in clothes.”

I quit shortly after.

A major client contracted us to organize a conference for 1,500 people. Part of the job involved building a website and a booking platform, but the client was adamant that we use a particular third-party ticketing company that had never catered such a large, complex event before.

Concerned that the system wasn’t capable or flexible enough to meet the client’s needs, we sent numerous emails highlighting the system’s shortcomings. Each time, our concerns were dismissed. In frustration, we put together a detailed report highlighting the problems we were likely to face, but we were told in no uncertain terms that we had to use the supplier anyway.

When only a handful of tickets were sold several months into a major marketing campaign, there was an emergency meeting between the teams involved, up to and including the CEO of the company.

When the subject of ticketing came up, our client company angrily asked us why were they getting so much negative feedback from people trying to buy tickets. We politely pointed out that all the issues buyers were experiencing had been mentioned in our report and that we had said that using that supplier wasn’t a good idea. The CEO’s response?

Client: “How could you let us make that mistake?”

Oh, and the theme for the conference was “Leadership”.

I am an experienced videographer who has all the necessary gear. Someone tagged me in a Facebook post where a client was looking for someone that could do a “behind the scenes” video during their movie shoot. It was intended to take almost a week; they needed a person with their own equipment. Of course, it was unpaid, for exposure and experience, but, hey, they would provide food and the ability to capture really good scenes, and blah, blah, blah.

I skipped the post and did not reply, but they messaged me. They said they loved my portfolio and would love me to do this.

I did not want to waste my time, so I replied:

Me: “I am sorry, but I am booked for those days.”

Client: “Can you cancel those?”

Me: “You mean, cancel my good-paying jobs so I could work for free?”

Client: “Well, we promise good exposure and experience!”

Me: “You do realize that if I own expensive equipment and have lots of paying clients, I kind of don’t need exposure, right?”

They kept messaging me, so I decided to troll them.

Me: “Hey, I am looking at my calendar, and I see that I would be free from August 20th to the 27th [two months after their date]. Can you postpone your movie shoot until then?”

Client: “Are you insane? We have catering paid for, location paid for, and other staff also booked for that day. That date is simply not acceptable for us. We can’t simply cancel like that!”

Me: “Yes, that’s exactly my point.”

They never replied again.