Client: “I need your agency to develop a robust morale-boosting program for the top 100 ‘leaders’ in our region during our annual team-building retreat. We want them to feel that they are an integral part of the company.”

Me: “Certainly. Perhaps you can share with us in greater detail why the company wants to do this.”

Client: “Oh… Because we’re going to lay off, like, forty of them right after the retreat.”

Once upon a time, I worked in a small office for a company that planned a very large event. We all had many duties and wore many hats, but most of us were pretty obsessed with the event that we created.

One day, the owner of the company and her vice president decided it would be a great idea to hire someone to specifically take care of social media outreach, which was a fairly novel concept at the time (2010ish). We had a press and media representative, but she was too busy to deal with Facebook and Instagram as much as necessary to build a real presence.

As the person technically in charge of Human Resources (and payroll, and accounts, and specific venues, and inventory, and, and, and…) I started the recruiting process. As part of the job posting, I mentioned that we would be very interested in looking at examples of social media postings they had coordinated in the past, so please send links.

We mostly received links to college event pages on Facebook or private events that these individuals had promoted via social media. One candidate, however, missed the point entirely and shared a link to her personal Facebook page.

Nearly every picture — including her profile picture — was a snapshot of drunken debauchery. Now, as a very open-minded person in charge of HR, I was willing to let a few unflattering items pass. After all, who amongst us hasn’t done something stupid, only to regret the evidence later? Since the candidate was just twenty-two, I figured she was in her “wild oats” days and perhaps hadn’t done a thorough scrub of her Facebook.

But after another two minutes of perusal, it was clear that her account was strictly dedicated to broadcasting her inebriated shenanigans. As a human being who spent my own twenties doing all sorts of questionable things, I understood. As a professional trying to recruit someone for a role that required exceptional social media skills, I was appalled.

I let her down easy with a note that said:

Me: “While it looks like you’re having a good time, I’m looking for more business and marketing-oriented social media skills.”

To which she, who had majored in Communications in college, replied:

Candidate: “I didn’t realize that’s what the job was about.”

I hope she’s doing well today.

We do planning for big events like weddings, conventions, etc. I receive a call from a client who has just been sent an itemized bill for a large wedding.

Client: “You’ve f****** overbilled me! I’m not paying this much!”

After she has called me every bad word in the English language, I am able to look up her bill. After going through it with her:

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I think I have found the mistake.”

Client: “I knew it! I’m gonna call your manager and—”

Me: “It looks like we underbilled you by $1,000. It seems there was a misplaced zero. I am terribly sorry this happened, and I can understand why you were so upset. I’ll just go through this bill one more time to ensure we haven’t underbilled you for any other items.

The silence on the other end of the line was so beautiful.

I work for an event management company. We were organizing an event for a client overseas. As a part of the welcome kit, the client wanted a layout map of the hotel, so I got the detailed layout map from the hotel and put it in the guide. After sending it to the client for approval…

Client: “I don’t like the map. Can you get me a better one?”

Me: “This map is from the hotel. It’s the most detailed map they have.”

Client: “Try and find an alternative one on the ‘net.”

Me: “I don’t think any other websites will have a better map of the inside of the hotel than the hotel itself.”

Client: “Try Google Maps.”

I am planning a birthday party for a client’s six-year-old daughter.

Client: “Oh, and [Daughter] loves Beyoncé!”

Me: “Haha, of course! We can get the DJ to play lots of Beyoncé.”

Client: “Can you try to get her for the day?”

Me: “Get… Beyoncé?”

Client: “Yes. Please check if she’s available.”

Me: “She won’t be available, ma’am.”

Client: “How can you know?! You haven’t checked yet! Call her!”