You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 3

, , | Right | April 26, 2010

Me: “Good afternoon, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Can you tell me if you carry Chlamydia?”

Me: *long pause* “Um… I’m sorry, is this a plant you are looking for?”

Caller: “Yes! The pink one. You know, Chlamydia!”

Me: “Do you mean Cyclamen?”

Caller: “Yeah! Cyclamen, Chlamydia, they’re all the same thing. So, do you have anyone there that can give me some Chlamydia?”

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Brain On Recess

, , , | Right | April 22, 2010

(I am helping a customer apply for financing to purchase some items. It is around 2008.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Your application was denied.”

Customer: “Wow. I really didn’t expect that.”

Me: “Well, they’re a lot stricter with who they give credit to because of the recession.”

Customer: “The what?”

Me: “The recession.”

(Customer looks very confused.)

Me: “Hundreds of people foreclosed on their houses. The government had to pay billions of dollars to bail out the banks.”

Customer: *shrugging shoulders* “Hmm. Well, I must have missed that!”

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(Role) Playing The Fool

, , , , | Right | April 22, 2010

(A customer asks me to tell him about the store and what we sell. I point out the board games, miniatures and card games, but he doesn’t perk up until I mention a well-known table-top fantasy RPG.)

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a role-playing game. You get some people together, make characters, and play out what they do on adventures.”

Customer: “Is there a game going on right now?”

Me: “Well, no. You need to get people together and organize.”

Customer: “I’m only in town for three days.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s really a sit-down game. It takes a long time to play.”

Customer: “Where do I go?”

Me: “It’s a game you play with friends.”

Customer: “I mean for a dungeon. You know, role-play?”

Me: “I don’t…” *light bulb goes off* “Oh! This has nothing to do with that.”

Customer: “Do you know where I could go to find it?”

Me: “No! I don’t know anything about that!”

Customer: “But I’m only in town for three days!”

Me: “I can’t help you. Excuse me.”

(The customer wanders around a little longer, then asks about a poster we have for a live-action game with a picture of an immodestly-dressed woman on it.)

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “That’s an ad for a live-action role-playing game. People get dressed up in costumes and play.”

Customer: *very excited* “Can I meet her?”

Me: “What? No.”

Customer: “But I’m only in town for three days!”

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Unaware Of My Space

, , , | Right | April 22, 2010

(It is a few minutes after closing time and we lock the door. Moments later I hear the sound of breaking glass. I rush over and see a woman on the ground surrounded by glass. She had tried to walk through the door and broke it.)

Me: “Miss, are you all right?! Are you hurt anywhere?”

Customer: “No! No… I think I’m fine.”

Me: “Miss, let me show you somewhere to sit while we wait for security and the ambulance.”

Customer: “No! I don’t have time, d*** it! I have to go write this in my blog!” *runs off*

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Quite Rightly, Waiting Impolitely Is Unsightly

, , , , , | Right | April 14, 2010

(The restaurant is very busy, so food wait time is longer than usual.)

Table #1: “When is our food coming out? This is ridiculous; we’ve been waiting twenty minutes!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We are very busy right now, but I’ll be bringing out your food very shortly.”

Table #1: “Well, I hope so! You’re the worst server we’ve ever had!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Like I said, it’ll be out shortly.”

(I move to another table.)

Me: “I’m really sorry about the wait, I’ve checked on your food and it will be out shortly. I’m so sorry. I realize you’ve been waiting 40 minutes.”

Table #2: “That’s not a problem at all… Don’t worry about it.”

Me: “I’d like to offer you your meals on the house, and thank you again for your patience.”

Table #1: *overhearing* “How come WE don’t get our meals on the house?”

Table #2: *to [Table #1]* “Because WE’VE been waiting POLITELY!”

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