I work at a very prominent fast food chain in the college that I go to. It’s my last year and I’m an assistant manager. It’s the second-to-last day on the job. I have never gotten a single ridiculous customer until this point.

A foreign exchange student comes up to order with his girlfriend next to him. I do the spiel and ask for his order.

Student: “I want that burger.”

He points at a special slider we’re selling momentarily.

Student: “And water.”

Me: “Do you want to make that a meal? And what size water do you want?”

Soda fountains are behind us. We do a $1 cup charge for a cup of water of any size versus $3 for bottled water. I assume he wants the $1 cup of water like every sane person I’ve ever served.

Student: “BURGER MEAL AND WATER!”

He turns to his girlfriend.

Student: “What is so hard to understand about that? Stupid girl.”

His girlfriend starts tugging on his arm.

Me: “Okay. Small, medium, or large-sized meal?”

Student: “Large!”

Me: “Okay. Your total is [amount].”

He pays and then turns to his girlfriend, saying something along the lines of, “Idiot girl.” He pays but then looks at his receipt. He then comes back.

Student: “WHY IS THIS MORE THAN WHAT I PAID BEFORE?! WHAT IS THIS $1?!”

I’ve never seen him before and I don’t know what he ordered before. I explain the meal and pricing.

Student: “Not what I want! STUPID GIRL! GIVE ME [BURGER]!”

He points at the basic BBQ onion ring burger. His girlfriend is just timidly standing beside him, looking embarrassed.

Me: “So, you just want that burger instead of [Special Slider]? And no fries?”

Student: “Yes. NOT HARD TO UNDERSTAND, STUPID GIRL!”

I changed his meal. I was so mad that I stepped off the floor to cool down. I went to my manager upstairs and explained to her that I was off the floor so I didn’t punch the guy in the face.

She then went down to take over so there was someone on the floor supervising. In the fifteen minutes I was off the floor, he managed to berate the other cashier, the fry cook, the burger assemblyperson, and my manager.

He yelled at the other cashier because of his water not being the water he wanted and threw the cup at my manager. He caused such a scene that other customers waiting stepped in and told him to knock it off.

Turns out he had bought the special slider but only bought the burger and a small fry for his girlfriend last time but couldn’t comprehend why a large-sized meal was more than he paid before, or that he chose another burger and it cost more because it wasn’t the size of a slider.

Oh, well… I’m glad I don’t have that job anymore.

Two young boys are sitting behind me on a flight to San Francisco. As we land, [Boy #1] says: 

Boy #1: “Hey, I recognize this place!”

Boy #2: “[Boy #1], you live here.”

I am working as a server at a popular beachfront restaurant.

Me: “What can I get you to drink?”

Guest: “I’ll have an iced tea, but with no ice.”

Me: “I can get you a tea with no ice, but it won’t be cold.”

Guest: “Well, then, why do you call it iced tea?!”

Me: *Pause* “Because it’s normally served with ice in it.”

Guest: “Fine, I’ll have it with ice, just as little as possible!”

My spouse, son, and I have flown from the east coast to attend an extended family gathering. The day of the gathering is big and energetic, and we all have fun catching up with each other.

Around eight pm, my son comes to me and asks if he can go back to our hotel room, and since he looks tired and I saw him talking and playing with the others all day, I let him. I inform my spouse that I am taking our son back and I think nothing more of it.

My dad thinks otherwise, however, and comes to me the next day.

Dad: “Where were you and [Son] yesterday? I only saw [Spouse] at the gathering.”

Me: “We were there. I was talking with our relatives and [Son] was playing with his cousins.”

Dad: “You sure? I tried looking for you at ten and you were nowhere to be found.”

Me: “Oh, we were in our room by then. I think he came to me around eight and asked if he could go back, so I went with him.”

Dad: “Why didn’t you stay longer? You know we only see everyone else every few years, right?”

Me: “Yes, but [Son] was tired. He was playing and talking a lot yesterday and was clearly at his limit.”

Dad: “He’s too young to be saying he’s too tired! You should have made him stay until everyone else was done!”

Me: “Yeah, but [Spouse] didn’t return until midnight. I really don’t think [Son] would have made it until then.”

Dad: “[Son] is going to be lazy if you keep coddling him like this!”

My dad walked away after that. The funny thing is that I’ve been very attentive to my son’s desire to stay at gatherings as my parents always stayed long after everyone else left and my siblings and I were beyond tired and irritated while our parents chatted. I just don’t want my son to become discouraged from going to social gatherings like I was for a while.

I’m one of the groomsmen in my buddy’s wedding this weekend, and today I went to pick up my tuxedo from the rental store. There were no issues, everything fit perfectly, and I had already paid in full during the initial fitting a month ago. I’ve got a somewhat unusual body shape; I’m six feet tall, but most of my height is my torso. During the fitting, I had the same pant length as one of the other groomsmen, who is significantly shorter than me.

A half-hour later, the best man texts me to remind me to pick up my tux. I tell him that I already did, and he says that he is at the store and was told I haven’t been in to pick it up yet. Confused, I call the store.

Employee: “Hello, this is [Rental Store]; how can I help you?”

Me: “Hey, I was just in and picked up my tux. It was under [My Name]. But my buddy [Best Man] was told I haven’t picked it up yet, and I just wanted to make sure everything was kosher.”

Employee: “Someone else got your tuxedo?”

Me: “No, I got my tuxedo, but I guess someone told him I hadn’t?”

Employee: “So you got someone else’s tuxedo?”

Me: “No, it’s mine. It fits fine, and the colors are right. I doubt it’d fit anyone else, anyway.”

Employee: “So… what did you want me to do?”

Me: *Pause* “I’ve just realized how pointless this call is.”

The employee had a good laugh, I apologized profusely, and now I can never rent a suit from that store again without feeling profoundly embarrassed.