I work at a coffee shop/cafe part-time. It is a Sunday, and we closed at 1:00 pm. It is 2:15, and I am still there because we clean the place TOTALLY after every shift. The door is locked, of course, and the signs are flipped to “Closed.” All lights are off.

Then, a woman walks in and sits down at a table.

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we closed at 1:00.”

Customer: “What? That’s way too early! I want lunch!”

Me: “On Sundays, we don’t serve lunch at all and only have a breakfast menu. How did you get in? I’m sure I locked both doors.”

Customer: “Well, I was able to jiggle it open.”

Sure enough, she did; the lock bolt was partially protruding but apparently hadn’t caught well enough. Apparently, our lock would make a loud click after one and a half revolutions, which implied that it was bolted, but the key had to turn TWO full revolutions before the bolt was completely engaged. She had tugged on the door, felt it stick, and simply given it a vigorous shaking until it jiggled open. I had missed the sound because I had been in the back.

I stood there in a WTF moment. Then, as gently as I could, I guided her back to the door and suggested that she was lucky I didn’t have her arrested for trespassing and for forcing the door. Then, I relocked the door, this time making sure the lock was thoroughly engaged.

I work early mornings at a pharmacy. There is a bagel shop on the way to work, so when I have money to spare, I get a rainbow bagel. The default is usually to toast the bagel, but I prefer my bagels not toasted. I get up to the counter after waiting in line.

Me: “Rainbow bagel with cream cheese, not toasted.”

Employee #1: “Not toasted?”

Me: “Not toasted.”

I pay and I see a rainbow bagel go into their toaster from over the counter. I’m a little suspicious, but I shrug it off at first; maybe someone else got a rainbow bagel.

Employee #2: “Rainbow bagel with cream cheese?”

I go up and take the bag. It feels warm, but it is under a heat lamp.

Me: “Not toasted?”

Employee #2: Not toasted!”

I took my bag and left. When I got to work, I found that the bagel was not only toasted, it was BURNT. My rainbow bagel was more black than any other color. Even worse, I didn’t have time to go back and have them fix it. That was a long, hungry day at work.

When I got my first job, I worked at a wildly popular tourist location in their cafe. Now, being a young eighteen-year-old at their first job, I did everything to a T. Working food service isn’t hard, but the customers never make it easy for you.

On this particular day, it was quite busy and I couldn’t see the end of the line. The kitchen was throwing orders up to the pass, and each cashier’s transaction was probably no more than two minutes, so we were constantly moving. It was required of us to also upsell as much as possible — not that we were rewarded for it or anything, but if the manager didn’t hear us try, we would get talked to.

I had done a bunch of fairly easy orders and customers could see how busy we were, so they were generally quite nice to us… except for this one lady, her husband, and their child who was definitely way too old for a stroller.

This lady came up, ready to order, but she had a question.

Customer: “I just wanted to know what the grilled cheese is? Like what is that?”

In all honesty, I was a little shocked because it’s not like a grilled cheese was like… a food from a different culture? I could understand if it was literally any other food, but a grilled cheese is quite common in North America. This woman was speaking North American English with no accent.

Me: “Um… it’s two pieces of bread with a few slices of cheese in between, and we grill it on a panini press.”

She didn’t really seem to understand the concept.

Customer: “So, it’s like a sandwich?”

Me: “Yeah, they just grill it so that the cheese melts and it’s crispy.”

Customer: “Um, okay. I’ll get one of those, then.”

Me: “Okay, cool. Would you like it with some fries and a drink?”

The lady instantly froze. I repeated the question and she just blinked.

Me: “Did you want fries and a drink, or did you just want the grilled cheese by itself?”

Customer: “I don’t know what that means.”

Me: “Oh, uh… did you want it as a combo? With fries? And a drink?”

At this point, this lady was getting really annoyed, and I really probably should have ended the conversation there, but alas, she went on.

Customer: “I don’t know what that means. I just want a grilled cheese.”

Me: “I was just asking if you also wanted fries and a drink?”

And then she absolutely lost it.

Customer: “I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! THAT’S TOO MANY OPTIONS! I JUST WANT THE GRILLED CHEESE! WHY ARE YOU BEING SO RUDE?!”

Her husband also chimed in and started yelling at me, saying that this was terrible customer service and it was too complicated to understand. I literally just stood there waiting for them to finish. The lady ended up demanding that someone else take their order because I was making it difficult for them.

I pulled someone else to go help and walked into the kitchen and began crying instantly, mostly out of frustration because it was literally not that confusing. I watched through the kitchen doors as the guy helping this lady tried to calm her down, but she was throwing hands like her life depended on it.

To this day, any time I see a grilled cheese, I just get flashbacks.

I worked in a very popular, large, cool, and trendy beachside cafe in the 2000s. The owner was a South American Australian. He manned the coffee machine and took orders for coffee also. To the customer, he had no personality or sense of humor and would not speak unless spoken to. But to his staff and friends, he was a warm-hearted, intelligent, funny, fair, generous, and honest guy. Here are some quotes I can remember from him, all uttered with no expression on his face whatsoever, always.

Customer #1: “Could I have a double decaf, soy mochaccino, please?”

Boss: “Why?”

He would then just not make it, and when the customer came back asking where their coffee was, he would give their money back and point at the door.

Customer #2: “This latte isn’t hot enough. I asked for it to be very hot!”

Boss: “If you can hold it for five seconds, you can have it for free.”

They couldn’t.

Customer #3: “I’m not paying ten dollars for a pie.”

Boss: “You can have it for free if you promise never to come back.”

He delivered a plate of breakfast to an outdoor roadside table.

Customer #4: “I said no toast!”

[Boss] took the toast from the plate and frisbeed it into the back of a passing truck.

His actions made no difference to the popularity of his business at all. Even the most entitled jerks weren’t game to take him on. He was a true legend in hospitality; I tip my hat.

I used to go to this café most Saturday mornings for coffee, tea, cake, etc. One Saturday, a new hire served me my usual carafe of coffee. About ten minutes later, I saw [New Hire] clearing things from tables, but I didn’t pay much attention.

A minute or so later, I was about to pour more coffee from my carafe, but it had disappeared! I realised that [New Hire] must have cleared my carafe, even though it was still half-full. Looking over at the area where they deposit cleared-away items, I saw my carafe, so I rushed to reclaim it.

A week later, I ordered a panini. Some minutes later, I saw [New Hire] emerge with a panini and float through the café looking all around him. I assumed he was looking for me but just didn’t see me, or maybe it was for someone else, whatever. [New Hire] came floating back through, still carrying this panini, and I nodded to him to try to suggest it was me he was looking for, but my nod just didn’t register with him and he went back to the kitchen prep area. Thirty seconds later, he came through again, still with the panini, and this time, I spoke to him.

Me: “Hi, I think that might be mine!”

New Hire: “Weuerghe?”

He looked at me as if I were from another planet.

Then, he sailed right on, floating through with this panini. He came floating back, but before he reached my part of the café, he plonked it in front of a woman a few tables away. The woman looked gave the panini a baffled look, lifted up a corner with a knife, said something to her friend, stared back at the panini, and then started to eat it. She didn’t finish it.

I didn’t want to rush over to grab the panini, just in case it wasn’t actually mine after all, so I waited instead. About fifteen or twenty minutes went by and I’d still not been served. Then, I noticed the manager was at the counter.

Me: “Oh, hello. I ordered a cheese and chorizo panini about half an hour ago and it’s not arrived as yet.”

Manager: “Half an hour ago? That’s too long.”

[Manager] leafed through something.

Manager: “Looks like it got done, so I don’t know what happened to it. I can give you a refund, or do you still want one?”

Me: “I’d still like one, actually. I’m getting hungry now! Seriously, no problem with the wait. I just wondered what had happened as you’re… Actually, I did notice that [description of the new hire] was going round and round with a panini…”

[Manager] immediately closed his eyes, slumped his shoulders, turned his head away, and sighed. It was obvious from his body language that [New Hire] had screwed up before.

Manager: “Okay, I’m very sorry. I’ll do myself right now.”

I watched [Manager] take over the food prep area, working furiously, and very soon after, he came round with my panini.

Another week later, [New Hire] was still there, still fulfilling orders. I ordered an Earl Grey tea. When it arrived, it was clearly not Earl Grey. I took it back to the counter and told [New Hire], who didn’t say anything. He just stared at it stupidly. [Manager] overheard what I had said and ordered [New Hire] to make me an Earl Grey.

Another week later, [New Hire] was no longer there.