(I’m on order-taker and cashier one night when we run out of the most popular flavour of sundae topping, chocolate. Most customers are fine with just taking one of the two other flavours we offer, including this guy, who’s order has been going as normal until this point, if not a little too long. I remain my happy, polite self throughout this whole time, however.)

Customer: *pulls up to the first window* “I’ll have to change the combo to a medium, I only have $20.”

(This is no issue, so I automatically change it on my screen. That only brings his order down to $20.90. I apologise to the customer and ask him what he’d like to take off.)

Customer: “I don’t want to take anything off!”

Me: “Sorry, but you’ll have to take something off to get under $20.”

Customer: *suddenly pulls out a $50 note from somewhere in his car and snaps* “NEXT TIME HAVE F****** CHOCOLATE, THEN!”

(I work for a cell phone provider, primarily setting up new lines of service. I have two trainees sitting with me so they can listen to live calls.)

Me: “Hi. Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need to reconnect my wireless home phone? My home phone? The phone? It was disconnected today, and I need to reconnect it. You can do that? Right? You can do that? I want my activation fee waived, too. Speak to your supervisor, yeah? Your supervisor will waive it?”

(The whole time, it sounds like he’s talking with one breath, extremely fast.)

Me: “Well, let me see. May I have a phone number on your account?”

(He then proceeds to list off ten different numbers, all without taking a break. Finally, I get one that pulls up an account. Even if a line is disconnected, we can still see it on the account. There are at least sixty disconnected home phone lines. In the minute it takes me to pull up his account, he is continuously saying, “Hello? Hello?” despite me reassuring him that I’m still on the line. I pull up his notes on the account, and he has been adding on the home phone, getting the activation waived, and then removing the line two to three days later. This has been going on for at least five months. In fact, last time it happened, it happened to my coworker. An instant disconnect is known as churn, and if it happens enough, you can be fired, so I’m extremely hesitant to even do the order.)

Me: “Sir, can I ask why you disconnected your phone today? I see it was just added on two days ago. I also see that this is a frequent pattern on your account. Is there a residual issue with your phone? We should be able to fix any concerns.”

Customer: “Well, to be honest, I thought it was going to be too expensive. I know better now. Can you waive my activation fee? Go to talk to your supervisor. Can you waive my activation fee?”

Me: “I will try, but you’ve received at least $180 of credit this month alone. Is the phone going to remain active, or are you planning on disconnecting it?”

(For the first time since we started speaking, he goes quiet. After about thirty seconds he speaks again.)

Customer: “Yes. Tomorrow.”

(My trainees started laughing, just bewildered. I told the customer I was going to place him on a silent hold, and went to speak with my floor support. They told me we couldn’t waive the activation fee, and to flag down his account for fraud because they thought there was more going on. By the time I got back to my desk, he had hung up. I wasn’t gone for more than two minutes. The trainees told me that the entire time, he’d kept saying, “Hello? Hello? Hello?” without faltering once. I noted the account to not give him any more credit, and as I was filing the claim to send to our fraud investigation team, I noticed that someone else had added on his home phone and given him a credit, and the customer had already disconnected it again.)

(I’m a cashier in a grocery store that does a lot of donation drives, so sometimes customers get really upset when they happen back to back. That was the case for this story:)

Me: “All right, your total is going to be [dollar amount] today. We’re doing a back-to-school donation drive to give supplies to local schools. Would you like to give a pack of pencils for—“

Customer: *interrupting me* “NO! I’ve been a teacher for nineteen years. Kids don’t use pencils to write; they use them to stab each other!”

Me: *pause* “Okay.”

(I’m the only cashier at the registers. A male customer walks into the store and approaches me.)

Me: “Hello.”

Customer: *mumbles something that I don’t catch*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, could you say that again?”

Customer: *stares at me*

Me: “I didn’t quite catch what you said. Could you say it again?”

Customer: *just stares*

Me: “Are you looking for something here at the store? I can call someone up to help you.”

(He continues to stare. Other customers are approaching the register.)

Me: *to the first customer* “I’m sorry, sir, it can be hard to hear things up here sometimes. Are you looking for anything particular today?

([Customer] continues to stare. The other customers are watching this all, looking confused. I’m at a loss at what to do next.)

Me: “Okay… I’m going to help these people now, unless I can do something for you?”

(He said nothing. So, I turned to the other customers, greeted each one, and started ringing up their purchases. After another moment or two of staring, [Customer] turned and left the store.)

(Between work, college, and an apprenticeship, I have currently worked 10 days out of 11 straight without a day off. Needless to say, I’m a bit testy, and I don’t like arguing with stupid at the best of times.)

Customer: “I want to cancel my order.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. May I ask why?”

Customer: “Your service is terrible.”

Me: “My apologies. What seems to have happened?”

Customer: “I rang this morning, and I spoke with a concierge, who transferred me to another department to deal with my query, and they fixed that. Then, I had another query, so I was transferred again, and they sorted that. And then, I thought, you know what? I’ve been transferred too much. I want to cancel! And then, lo and behold, I had to be transferred to you.”

Me: “Okay. First off, I’m sorry you feel you have had poor service, but let me get this right. You’d like to cancel because you were transferred to the departments you needed to speak to regarding your queries?”

Customer: “Well, yes, but when I ring the bank they never transfer me.”

Me: “Okay, well, we are not the bank; we are [Telecoms Company], with many more departments specifically trained to handle your queries. Everything you have described could easily be resolved online yourself to save you calling in, too. I’ll be honest with you, sir; it’s nine am on Sunday morning, the sun is out, neither of us wants to be on the phone and that is understandable, but just to confirm, I do have to ask you this and I apologise that it’s blunt, but do you want to cancel because we fixed your issues?”

Customer: “I said I want to cancel.”

Me: “You are cancelled. Have a good day.”