(I work in a bakery. A woman has come up to the counter and is being served by my coworker. I am waiting at our second till for our next customer. We don’t have a scanner; we enter the prices manually on the till.)

Customer: “Hi there! Can I get this—” *a filled roll* “and a chocolate éclair, please?”

Coworker: “Certainly. That comes to [amount].”

Customer: “That’s wrong.”

(My coworker, confused, cancels the order and rings it up again. It’s the same price. She explains the prices of each item to the woman.)

Customer: “No, that’s wrong. The éclair is [amount].”

Coworker: “We’ve recently increased our prices. They are now [higher amount].”

(I realise that she is a customer I’ve had before. Another coworker had a similar argument with her, and our boss unofficially changed that price back to get rid of her.)

Customer: *to me* “Do you recognise me?”

Me: *shaking my head* “We get a lot of customers walking through those doors.”

(I turn to serve another customer, and my coworker walks out to the front of the shop and shows the woman the sign for the éclairs. She pays the full amount.)

Coworker: *to me* “She said she wasn’t impressed with your attitude.”

Me: “Attitude? I told her the truth. I didn’t recognise her.”

(Haven’t heard from her since.)

(As a bakery owner, what I can sell unfortunately often comes down to cost, even if I personally like the item in question. So, if I can’t make money selling something, I won’t sell it. This is a summation of several of the same kind of conversations I have with potential customers on a regular basis when they find out I own a confectionery and bakery.)

Customer: “You should stock [item]! It would sell a lot!”

Me: “Okay, if I did would you and your friends buy it at roughly [price #1]?”

Customer: “Well, my friends wouldn’t, but I would!”

Me: “Okay, how often would you buy it? And how much would you buy?”

Customer: “One, and once a week!”

Me: “Okay, so, you want me to stock an item all the time that only you would be guaranteed to buy, so that you can buy it, but only one, only once a week?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Me: “Well, okay. How about this; why not just place a standing order for one once a week? It’ll be [price #2].”

Customer: “What?! Are you kidding me?! I can’t afford that! Why did the price go up? [Price #1] is much more than [price #2].”

Me: “Because you said you’re only willing to buy one [item], so I’d have to charge you for the price of only one. If I was able to sell them in volume, and thus make them in batches, I could sell them roughly at [price #1].”

Customer: “But that’s too high. I want [price #1]!”

Me: “Well, I told you I can’t make money selling one, once a week, at [price #1]. So, you want me to lose lots of money so that you can have your treat at the price you want? That doesn’t sound like a very good deal for me.”

Customer: “Well… But… but… but I want one.”

(I work in a bakery in a little village, close to two other bakeries that are quite popular in the UK. A customer and his wife enter.)

Customer: “Could I have a meat pasty, please?”

Me: “Of course. Would you like anything else?”

Customer: “No. Don’t mix up my pasty with the cheese pasty; I’m allergic to cheese.”

Me: “Don’t worry; we store the vegetarian options in a different heater from the meat products, and have to use different tongs so nothing gets passed over.”

Customer: “Good, you don’t want a lawsuit!”

Me: “There we go. £1.10, please.”

(He and his wife leave, only for him to return a few minutes later, screaming while entering the shop.)

Customer: “You daft b****, are you trying to f****** kill me?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “You gave me a f****** cheese pasty!”

Me: “Impossible, you watched me go into the meat section.”

(I start to look around for his wife, hoping maybe she can calm the situation, when he begins furiously waving the pasty in my face.)

Customer: “I should f****** sue! I’ll own you and everything your family owns!”

(I start to look at the pasty more closely and realise something isn’t right.)

Me: “May I please look at that pasty?”

Customer: “Here you go, you stupid cow.” *throws pasty* “I’m going to want a loyalty card here for life, and free food.”

Me: “Sir, this pasty isn’t from our shop.”

Customer: “Liar.”

Me: “This isn’t the markings we have on our cheese pasties; this is [Competitor]’s pasty.”

Customer: *starting to realise he’s been caught out* “No, definitely bought it from this shop. I’m sure. Look: a loyalty card will suffice, and then I’ll be on my way.”

(His wife then walks in, holding our competitor’s bakery bag and eating a pasty, surprise surprise.)

Me: “Sir, I believe the pasty I served you, your wife is eating.”

Customer: *grabs his wife by the arm and starts to make a hasty exit* “For f***’s sake, woman! I nearly got a loyalty card and free food then!”

(Apparently, he was well known for this tactic, although I don’t believe his wife normally helped his cover.)

(This happens every single week with the same woman, without fail. This lady digs through our bread, then approaches the counter.)

Customer: “What’s the date today?”

Me: “It’s [date].”

Customer: “This bread goes off [two days from date]!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It’s freshly baked bread with no additives; it goes stale quickly.”

Customer: “This is unreasonable. Why doesn’t it have a longer date?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there’s nothing we can do. There’s no more bread in the shop and if there was, it would have the same date.”

Customer: *storms out*

(I work in a bakery. Our registers often require a manager’s card to do some functions, such as deleting things or putting through refunds. Company policy states that managers must not let their cards out of their sight at all during their shift. However, because of the hindrance it causes to go searching for a manager for every minor issue, managers at my store leave their cards at the registers and instruct us to hide them, just in case the owner comes in. We have a manager who was recently demoted and transferred to our store, so she is eager to prove herself. We always have two managers on, unless it is early morning or late at night. It is the middle of lunch rush and we have a drastic computer failure. Transactions are going through, but then the orders are not showing up on the screens, and are not being filled. About twenty minutes after this is fixed, a customer comes up to me with a receipt.)

Customer: “Hello, I placed my order about half an hour ago and I haven’t gotten it yet.”

Me: “Can I have the name on the order?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s [Customer].”

(I run over and check if there are any orders under that name, but it appears to be missing.)

Me: *to customer* “So, it appears that your order never showed up on the screen, and was never completed. You have two options. Either I can bring them your receipt and they will fill your order as fast as they can, or I can refund you and give you a free bakery items for your troubles.”

Customer: “I’d like the refund. I can’t afford to wait any longer.”

Me: “All right, just come on over to my register and I’ll get that for you.”

(I pick up the manager card and swipe it, opening up the refund menu. However, the new manager notices me and drops what she is doing to run over. She snatches the card out of my hand.)

Manager: “[My Name], what in the world are you doing with [Other Manager]’s card?”

Me: “I was just processing a refund, and she left it here for us to use.”

Manager: “No! I will do it for you.”

(I cringe, because I know that her old cafe used a different system, and she has not been fully trained on the one we use. She exits out of the refund menu, and then stares blankly at the screen for a minute before asking me what to do next. I reach to press the button to bring up the manager menu, but she swats my hand away.)

Manager: “No. I will do it. Just tell me.”

(I direct her towards the right button. It continues like this the entire time, her pausing for a minute at each step and asking me for help, but not letting me do it myself. Thankfully, the customer is relatively easy-going about it, and keeps meeting my eyes and smirking.)

Manager: “And do you want that in cash or back on the card?”

Customer: “Cash, please.”

Me: “Please, can I count out the cash? I really don’t like it when other people do it on my drawer—”

Manager: “No! And here is your $17.”

(I watch, appalled, as she hands over $28, having grabbed a 20 and an extra 1.)

Customer: “You gave me extra change. I need $17, not $28.”

(She makes a point of handing the money to me instead of to my manager. I count out the correct amount and give it to her.)

Manager: “There! All refunded! Now I will go give [Other Manager] her card back.”

(She walks into the back, looking extremely pleased with herself. Once she has turned the corner, the customer starts laughing.)

Customer: “Oh, my God. I’m so sorry you have to deal with her. She seems terrible!”

Me: “She’s always like that, but I’ve learned to live with it. Now, about those free bakery items I promised you… Which one do you want?”

Customer: “Can I have one of those warm chocolate chip cookies?”

(I made sure to give her two as an apology.)