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Some Recipes Contain No Margarine For Error

, , , , | Right | December 7, 2010

Customer: “Hi, could you point me in the direction of the butter?”

Me: “Of course, it’s just over here.”

Customer: “Do you have these in liquid form? Like watery?”

Me: “I’m not sure what you mean.. Did you want cream?”

Customer: “No, no, like liquid butter?”

(At this point I look at the customers shopping list: it’s a recipe list for pancakes and it clearly says ‘melted butter.’)

Me: “You want to buy melted butter? You know you can just make that, right?”

Customer: “Oh, really? You actually make it yourself? How do you do that?”

Me: “You just put regular butter in a hot pan and it melts.”

Customer: “Wow! That’s fantastic! Thank you so much!”

H2-Woah

, , , , | Right | December 3, 2010

(At the cinema the water is really expensive. The bottle we sell costs $5.10 but anywhere else it would be $2.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Customer: “I’ll just grab a water, thanks.”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be $5.10.”

Customer: *shocked* “$5.10!?”

Me: “Yeah, sorry, just our prices.”

Customer: “But it’s water. You know, that s*** comes from the sky, right?”


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Not Quite Getting To Beirut Of The Matter

, , , , , | Right | November 26, 2010

(An elderly man, his son, and a nurse stop by the hospital cafe. The man is looking at the soft drinks in the fridge.)

Man: “I want a lemonade!”

Me: “Are you allowed to have lemonade?” *to son* “Isn’t he diabetic?”

Son: “No, he’s Lebanese.”

Will Never Get Past The Conceptual Stage

, , , , , | Right | November 23, 2010

(A customer comes to my register with prenatal vitamins and a book on conception.)

Customer: “The tablets scanned at $32.50. They’re supposed to be $20!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll just get someone to check the price. Won’t be a moment.” *checks* “No, I’m sorry. $32.50 is the correct price.”

Customer: “$32.50 is way too expensive! I don’t want to conceive that much!”

Likely Not A Fan Of Spell Checking

, , , , , , , | Right | November 15, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want to return this laptop I bought from you yesterday.”

Me: “Oh, really? Why? Is there a problem with it?”

Customer: “Yes there is! It has witchcraft in it!”

Me: “Witchcraft?”

Customer: “Yes! When I tried to install a program on it, it said it was starting a wizard. Wizards and witchcraft are evil! I don’t know why you would sell such things at a store like this!”

Me: “Ma’am, a ‘wizard’ on a computer is just the name of the program that helps the install process. It makes it quick so that it is like magic, hence the name ‘wizard’.”

Customer: “I don’t care about your make-believe hullabaloo religion! It goes against my beliefs to have anything to do with that type of thing! Now give me my refund so I can be out of this evil place!”

Me: “Sure, ma’am, this way.”