Leave Your Baggage At The Checkout

, , , , , , | Right | April 7, 2011

(I am checking out a customer.)

Customer #1: “No, no, no! I want the fruit in a separate bag.”

Me: “No problem. I was just going to do that anyway.”

Customer #1: “No, I want them separate. They’ll get squashed.”

Me: “So, separate from each other?”

Customer #1: “Yes, of course! Or they’ll get bruised.”

(By this point, the customer has been rude enough. I put each piece of fruit in its own individual bag while he pays. When he has rushed off, both I and the next customer notice he has left three of the four bags of fruit behind.)

Me: “Sorry, just be a second.”

(I run to a coworker not on register.)

Me: *to coworker* “The previous customer left these behind. He’s wearing a red cap and a black t-shirt, heading out the exit by the bank.”

Coworker: “On it!” *dashes off*

Customer #2: “After all that fuss, and he forgot about it!”

Me: “The sad thing is, I’d put money on it somehow being my fault.”

Customer #2: “No, surely not?! It was sitting on the bench, plain as day.”

Me: “You’d be surprised, really. Most people are rational, but in this job you really do get to see all types. Some people just can’t take responsibility for their own actions, and we’re easy targets for blame.”

Customer #2: “That’s sad, but you’ve got me as a witness!” *smiles*

(The first customer storms back to my register.)

Customer #1: “You stole my shopping! Where is it? You kept it to make me look like a fool!”

Me: “It’s okay. It’s right here.”

(I hand over the bags, smiling.)

Customer #1: “Where were they? You hid them behind the register?”

Customer #2: “No, they were right there on the bench with the rest of your shopping.”

Customer #1: “Oh. I thought you’d forgotten to pick them up from back there.”

Customer #2: “They sent someone after you, too.”

Me: “It’s fine. It looks like you were in a rush. Have a good day!”

(The first customer scurries off grumbling and clutching his bags.)

Customer #2: “I thought you were just kidding! I had no idea people could be so stupid! And so very rude to you for his own mistake! I’d never blame any of you for something like that.”

Me: “I know. That’s what makes you one of the good ones!”

1 Thumbs
4,271

Through The Looking Staff

, , , , | Right | April 6, 2011

(I am standing next to the counter. A customer walks right up close to me, looking at me intently.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “What?! I don’t want to talk to you! I just wanted to look at you!”

1 Thumbs
1,741

Reason For Refund Holds Water

, , , , | Right | March 31, 2011

Customer: “I’d like to return this hat; it didn’t meet my expectations.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t return this for you. The hat is wet.”

Customer: “I wouldn’t call it wet. That’s a bit presumptuous of you, isn’t it?”

Me: “I don’t think it is. It’s wet.”

Customer: “And where does it say in your returns policy that all items must be dry?”

1 Thumbs
2,282

Polymorphic Pleasantries

, , , , | Right | March 28, 2011

(I am calling a Housing Trust tenant to arrange a new time for us to re-glaze her shower screen. The maintenance centre has just called to say this particular elderly lady has several doctor’s appointments. These conflict with her original appointment time.)

Me: “Hello. This is [My Name] from [Glazing Business]. How are you?”

Tenant: *chirpily* “Oh, terrible. It’s this blasted weather, you know.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Tenant: “That’s alright, love. How are you anyway?”

Me: “Alright, thank you. I agree with you about the weather, though. Anyway, I was just calling about–”

Tenant: “Oh, yes. I am all dizzy, and my head hurts. And it doesn’t help that I’m allergic to the sun.”

Me: “That must be very frustrating. I just spoke to–”

Tenant: “And I’m polymorphic! If I go outside and change form, they’ll get me!”

Me: “That’s not a good situation to be in at all. Anyway, I understand you’ll be going into hospital on Tuesday morning. We need to change your appointment time. Is–”

Tenant: “I hope I win the $20mil in the lottery this weekend. Then I can move to Tasmania. Oh, the weather in Tasmania! I hear it’s beautiful and cool over there. Not like here!”

Me: “Yes, I’ve heard that too.”

Tenant: “Oh, you’ve been there? What’s it like?”

Me: “No, but I do have it on good authority that it is definitely cold.”

Tenant: “Oh, good. I hate being in this pension house. If I win this weekend, I will move to Tasmania and get rid of the pension. They can’t get me there, because it’s over the strait.”

Me: “It would be wonderful if you did win. Can we come Tuesday afternoon to fix your shower screen?”

Tenant: “Hang on darling, I’m blind.” *papers shuffle* “Sure, love. I’ll be home from the hospital by then.”

Me: “Fantastic. It was lovely talking to you!”

Tenant: “And to you, dear! When I win this weekend, you can have a share.”

Me: “That’s very kind of you. Have a lovely weekend!”

Tenant: “You too, dear.” *hangs up*

1 Thumbs
2,100

His Logic Has More Than Meets The Eye

, , , , | Right | March 19, 2011

(A customer walks in with a pair of glasses.)

Me: “Hi. How can I help you today, sir?”

Customer: “Do you mind pushing the lenses out of this frame for me? My wife wants just the frame for her lab work. She would like to use them as safety glasses.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. The frame would be useless if I pushed the lenses out.”

Customer: “No. She’s going to use them as safety glasses in the lab.”

Me: “Are you sure, sir? It wouldn’t meet the standard of safety glasses if it doesn’t have any lenses.”

Customer: “Yes! I’m 100% sure that they will work as safety glasses without any lenses.”

(I remove the lenses for him.)

Me: “Okay. If something was going to fling into her face, what would protect her eyes?”

Customer: “These safety glasses!”

1 Thumbs
2,128