This Tutor Should Have Been Screened Harder

, , | Right | April 26, 2011

(I am reinstalling the operating system on one of the student computers. I leave a note on it stating that it is out of order and that students shouldn’t touch the computer. A tutor walks in, and reads the note. He looks at the computer screen, and reads the note one more time. He then turns the computer off before I can react.)

Tutor: “I think there’s something wrong with this computer.”

Me: “Why did you turn it off? Who told you to turn off?”

Tutor: “Oh, the note said students weren’t allowed to touch it.”

Me: “Okay, there’s a loophole there, I guess. But why did you turn it off?”

Tutor: “I don’t know.”


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Up-Front Desk

, , , , , , | Right | April 21, 2011

(A guest is checking in.)

Guest: “And would it be okay if I bring a prostitute to the room later?”

Me: *startled* “Uh. Well. I guess if no other guests are in any way disturbed or affected.”

Guest: “Well, that’s terrific. She’ll be coming by at about 8:30 pm. But if she looks ugly, just send her back without giving her my room number.”

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Beyond Even The Power Of Pixel Dust, Part 2

, , , | Right | April 15, 2011

(An elderly lady comes in with a very blurry and old photo she wants made bigger.)

Customer: “This is a photo of my son. He was in a band in the eighties! I want it made bigger!”

Me: “Madam, this photo is very damaged, blurry, and old. It’s probably better that you get it just the standard size so you won’t notice the loss of quality so much.”

Customer: “What do you mean it’s no good? This photo is a good photo! I want it about A4 size!”

Me: “Okay. Do you happen to have the negative?”

Customer: “No, it never had a negative. It was taken with a digital camera!”

Me: “It must have a negative. They didn’t have digital camera’s in the eighties.”

Customer: “Yes they did! It was digitised!”

Me: “Okay, madam. I will just use this photo and make it bigger for you. It’ll take me about an hour to get it done. But I am just letting you know that the quality will be very bad.”

Customer: “It will look good, don’t you worry. That’s my son! He always looks good!”

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How To Fleece Customers

, , , , | Right | April 11, 2011

Customer: “There are lots of different kinds of quilt fibres. Which kind is best?”

Me: “Well, generally natural fibres are best. Wool is particularly good. It’s warm in winter and cool in summer. Plus, wool is fire resistant.”

Customer: “Well, now that I think about it, I’ve never seen a sheep on fire.”

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Cause Of Bad Education Is Ap(parent)

, , , , , , | Right | April 7, 2011

Patron: “Why won’t my library card work?”

Me: “Let me see. Okay, you have $30 in fines on your card. You won’t be able to use it until those fines are paid.”

Patron: “I wanted to get some books for my daughter.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Until the fines are paid, you can’t use the card.”

Patron, to daughter: “Come on honey, let’s go home. The lady doesn’t want you to learn anything today.”

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