(One day a man broke into our staff-only area and stole mine and my colleague’s purses and phones. This exchange took place about two minutes after I disturbed the burglar and he ran past me. I was in a bad state of shock.)

Customer: “What’s happened?”

Me: “Someone has just broken into upstairs and stolen our purses and mobiles.”

Customer: “Well, you know why that is don’t you? It’s because your prices are so high!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Well if your prices weren’t so high then people wouldn’t need to do that.”

Me: “I’m sorry… you believe that because you think our stock is expensive that it gave someone the right to steal my personal possessions?”

(The customer then looked around her and noticed the rest of the queue staring at her in disbelief.)

Customer: “Well it’s not that I think… I mean… some might say… I…”

(She stuttered incoherently for a while and then paid for her items in silence.)

Next Customer: “What a complete fool! Are you alright, dear?”

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(An elderly man comes into the store and buys two cigars, I place them in a bag and try to hand him his receipt.)

Elderly Man: “I don’t want that.”

Me: “Oh, okay. I’ll just throw it away for you.”

Elderly Man: “Don’t do that I need it!”

Me: “Here you are then.” *trying to hand it back*

Elderly Man: “What am I suppose to do with it?!”

Me: “You said that you needed it.”

Elderly Man: “I do! But where in the h*** am I supposed to put it!”

Me: “Your wallet or your pocket, maybe?”

Elderly Man: “It will get mixed up with everything else and I’ll have to dig it out and throw it away when I get home! I don’t want it!”

Me: “So you want me to throw it away for you?”

Elderly Man: “No, I need it to show my wife!”

Me: *confused* “Do you want it in your bag?”

Elderly Man: “Well that’s what it’s for, isn’t it–to carry things? What’s wrong with you trying to hand someone a receipt? Where the h*** would they put it?!”

(I placed his receipt in his bag and he left muttering about me. He became a regular after that, and never again did I hand him a receipt.)

Related:
Mission: Impossible

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(I rang up a customer and about ten minutes later, the woman comes back in, cuts in front of the rest of the line and begins yelling at me.)

Customer: “You never gave me my credit card back! You stole it!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I did not steal your credit card. I gave it back to you.”

Customer: “No you didn’t! I know you stole it! I demand my credit card back!”

(This goes on for ten minutes as I continue ringing up other customers, all of them staring at the insane woman screaming at me.)

Customer: “I looked everywhere and I cannot find my credit card! I know you have it!”

(She opens her wallet to show me that her credit card is missing. I spot the credit card in her wallet.)

Me: “Is your credit card a light-blue visa?”

Customer: “YES!”

Me: “…It’s in your wallet, right there.”

(She storms out with an attitude and doesn’t even apologize.)

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(I have been ringing up a customer’s purchases on the register and am just about to put through his credit card for payment.)

Me: “Sir, just sign here please.”

Customer: “No, I don’t sign.”

Me: “You have to sign so that your credit card is verified; it shows you paid for it and not someone else.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to sign. Forget about it all, goodbye!”

(The customer leaves his purchases on the counter which he’s just paid for; the electronic system isn’t actually activated by a signature. It goes through automatically; the signature is just a formality.)

Me: “Wait, where are you going? You just paid for this stuff! Are you going to leave it here? Hey!”

(The customer exits the store, and my manager motions for me to follow, with a big mean smile on his face. I sigh and run after the customer.)

Me: “Excuse me! Excuse me, you can’t just leave that stuff there. You need to come back and claim it or we’ll refund it for you.”

Customer: “Why are you following me? What’s wrong with you? Leave me alone. I told you I didn’t want to sign anything!”

Me: “I’m not going to chase you all over the city, but you should know you’ve got things in there you just paid for. You’re down $120 if you leave them there.”

Customer: “But I didn’t sign.”

Me: “It doesn’t matter if you signed anything; your purchase still went through. Now are you going to come back and get your money or your items, or are you happy with donating $120 to our store?”

Customer: “You’re crazy! I didn’t sign anything so I didn’t pay. You’re just trying to get me back there so I’ll buy more stuff! Leave me alone!”

(I decide to give it up since it’s clear this person isn’t going to listen to me; he’s convinced I’m trying to rip him off while, in fact, I’m doing the opposite…)

Me: “Suit yourself, then. Thanks for the $120.”

(Sure enough, three days later, the customer returned, angry about the store stealing money from him when he didn’t make a purchase. I rolled my eyes and left him for someone else to deal with. He was still yelling that he hadn’t signed anything.)

(We’re selling tons of over-the-counter, store-brand medications at buy one, get one free. I ring up a lady who has two bottles of cough syrup with her. She keeps a stern eye on the cash register monitor as I check them through.)

Lady: “That’s not right.”

Me: “What isn’t?”

Lady: “The coupon says buy one at $6.99, get the other one free.”

Me: “Precisely. You’re getting both of these for $6.99.”

Lady: “But one’s ringing up as $3.50 and the other at $3.49.”

Me: “That’s correct. The register divides these differences automatically.”

Lady: *growing fidgety* “But that’s not what the coupon says.”

Me: *after a pause* “Well, $3.50 plus $3.49 is $6.99.”

Lady: “So this is how you scam customers!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m pretty certain that we here at [Drugstore Chain] do not scam our customers when even basic math can rule out any differences.”

Lady: “I only want one. Put this other one back; I don’t want it. I’m not paying an extra $3.49 for this. The ad said buy one, get one free, and I’m not getting that one for free.”

Me: *head-desk*

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