I have found myself with an order of thirty balloons that all need to be blown up and are due to be picked up in less than twenty minutes. I’m the only person running the front of the store. It takes approximately forty-five minutes to blow up twenty-three balloons due to the number of customers I’m having to ring up.

As I get down to the last seven, a customer walks up stating that the balloons are for his wife. I finish ringing my current line and go to finish his order. As I’m doing that, I start to day-dream. Yesterday, I was offered a job at a daycare making almost $4 more, with possible free daycare for my six-month-old. As I’m thinking about how desperately I need this for my small growing family, I hear a voice cut through my thoughts. An elderly woman has made her way to my register.

Elderly Customer: “Could I get some help over here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m down to the last three balloons for this gentleman right here and then I’ll be able to help you out.”

She leans around my register.

Elderly Customer: “You know, some of us are kind of in a hurry!”

My customer motions to me and tells me to go ahead, so I go to check her out. She’s broken me out of my daydream about a better life for not only my daughter but my husband and me, as well, so my customer service smile hasn’t returned by the time I ring her up. I’ve been told I have natural resting b*** face.

Elderly Customer: “I’m sorry for upsetting you, but you’re going to work so slowly, you should have told me instead of making me wait. I have so many things to do!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s really no problem. That gentleman was kind enough to wait a few more minutes on the order he put in so I could come and assist you.”

Elderly Customer: “I just feel that you should warn somebody if you’re gonna be that slow. I’m sorry if I upset you but I am in a hurry.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I apologize again, but as I’ve told you already, I’m not upset.”

She’s paid for her one greeting card, valued at a whopping $0.53 after tax, and I have given her her change. I believe this is the end of the discussion. It is not. She continues to inform me that I shouldn’t be upset and it’s my fault.

At this point, I am on the other side of the store and am done with this conversation. I assume she has either stayed in her spot or gone towards the door and haven’t thought to turn around to check, so, a bit loudly, I say:

Me: “Ma’am, I have told you I’m fine. Now have a nice day.”

That’s when I turn to speak to the man patiently waiting and realize the elderly woman has followed me.

Elderly Customer: “I want to speak to your manager. NOW!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, give me one second.”

I call for a manager and proceed to blow up balloons, at which point she decides that’s not enough and goes to find a manager on her own. My manager walks up and I explain the situation, down to the customer following me. I finish the balloons, ring up the first customer, and hear my manager and the customer talking.

Elderly Customer: “LOOK AT HER! SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE SUCKED ON THREE LEMONS. SHE SHOULD BE DISCIPLINED AND FIRED!”

Manager: “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’am, but I don’t see anything wrong with what she did.”

Elderly Customer: “SHE WAS RUDE TO ME!”

Manager: “I’m sure it was a misunderstanding, but if she was, I’m sure she had a good reason. Now, if there’s nothing else, have a nice day.”

She stormed out. My manager laughed and we joked about how I needed plastic surgery since my face is apparently rude.

Related:
A Ballooning Sense Of Entitlement

I work at an antique store. I always ask our customers if they need help finding anything or if they need help with any home projects they’re working on since we paint a lot of customers’ furniture.

My boss calls me into her office.

Boss: “I have had some complaints about you that I feel we need to discuss. I had someone tell me that you asked if they needed help with anything or if they were looking for anything and they said, ‘No,’ and you didn’t try to help them.”

I genuinely thought she was joking. She was not.

A friend comes over for movie night. I want a period piece and he wants to stay awake. We compromise with “Pride And Prejudice And Zombies,” that most delightful tribute to the spirit of Miss Austen’s wonderful women and their zombie-slaying abilities. We are both single and very platonic male-female friends. A common bond is that our jobs leave us no time to date and acceptance of our eternal bachelor(ette)-hood.

A scene comes up where the women are getting ready for a dance, which includes lots of shots of knives being hidden under garments on shapely legs in boots, and guns in bustiers.

Friend: “There, that’s all I want! Is that too much to ask?”

Me: *Pauses* “You mean, a woman who is incredibly attractive, the essence of feminine, yet can still kill you with a hairpin?”

Friend: “Yes! Exactly! And who can cook!”

Me: “Yes, [Friend], that is too much to ask.”

He enjoyed the movie.

I work the return register at my store. If a customer has lost a receipt but paid for their purchase with a credit or debit card, we can use that card to pull up a list of all their returnable transactions.

I always say this to every customer I do this for.

Me: “You will insert your card here, kind of like you’re paying, but the machine will beep and say ‘Not Completed, Remove Card.’ After that, please remove your card.”

After I say this, one of two things will happen.

The machine beeps, and beeps, and beeps.

Me: “Please remove your card now.”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t know I was supposed to take it out.”

I silently judge with a smile on my face.

Or, the machine beeps.

Customer: “It’s saying ‘Not Completed.’ What do I do?”

I silently judge with a smile on my face.

Me: “Oh, you can just remove the card now so the system can pull up your transactions.”

The sad part is that every time I tell a customer about how the process works, they nod their heads and acknowledge what I have said in some way. I have literally never had a single person follow my instructions without having to go through one of the two situations above.

My mom and I own a small clothing store. We sell high-end branded swimsuits. Two ladies want to see and try on the swimwear. They try on everything and do not buy anything.

Customer #1: “I didn’t see anything that I like here.”

I notice the neck strings of one of our swimsuits still tied around her neck under her clothes.

Me: “Do you mind giving me back all of the suits so that I can put them back on the racks?”

She does bring back all of them; I count both tops and bottoms before they leave.

Customer #2: “I think that we’ll go to [Big Box Store] and buy one.”

Me: *Thinking* “And you just tried to steal a $75 swimsuit from us?”

I told my mom about what they tried to do and she said that they were not welcome back.