(My university has a very long winter break which allows me to work over the holidays. I am working during the Christmas season when a customer begins to make small talk.)

Customer: “What high school do you go to, sweetheart?”

Me: “I am actually in college and am just working seasonally.”

Customer: “Oh! Where do you go?”

Me: “The University of Delaware.”

Customer: “What state is that in?”

Me: “Delaware.”

Customer: “Yes, honey, I heard you but what state is that in?”

Me: “The state is Delaware.”

Customer: “When did Delaware become a state?”

Me: “It was the first state in 1776.”

Customer: *stays quiet for the rest of the transaction*

(As a grocery store bagger, I often help people load their items into their cars. Tonight, as I walk out the door with a customer, she notices milk all over the parking lot.)

Lady: *casually, without missing a beat* “Oh, a cow exploded…”

(A woman calls into the store. She’s speaking very quietly and I have to ask her several times to repeat herself. Finally, I make out something.)

Woman: “Do you sell vibrators?”

Me: *pause* “Um, ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you again to repeat what you said. I really don’t think we sell what I think you said.”

Woman: “Vibrators.”

Me: “No. No, we don’t.”

Woman: “Isn’t this The Love Shop?”

Me: “No, ma’am, this is Toys-R-Us.”

Customer: “I want to return these batteries.”

(She puts an opened pack of batteries on the counter.)

Me: “Oh, so they didn’t work?”

Customer: “Yeah, they worked for a few weeks, but now they’re broken. They’re not supposed to expire until 2015!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a ‘best if used by’ date, not an expiration date.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “Batteries die. It’s just saying that you should use them before this date, not that they will last for three years.”

Customer: “You mean I have to buy more batteries?!”

(I work as a cashier at an electronics retailer. A customer walks up with a computer lapdesk that opens up so it can store small items. Normally, two clips hold these shut.)

Customer: “Excuse me, one of the two clips is broken off.”

Me: “Oh geez, I’m sorry! Do you wanna grab another one that’s not defective?”

Customer: “Sure…” *leaves the broken lapdesk with me*

(I give the broken one to a fellow cashier so they can take it back to the service desk and defect it out. Several minutes later, the customer returns.)

Customer: *holding a new lapdesk* “Hey! Where’s the other lapdesk?”

Me: “Oh, I gave it to customer service because it was defective. We can ring this up now—”

Customer: “But I need the first one!

Me: “Wait… why?”

Customer: *holds up a lapdesk clip* “I broke one off the new one to put on the old one!”