Me: “Hi there. Welcome to [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a chicken nugget kids’ meal.”
Me: “Alrighty then, what would you like to drink?”
Customer: “Sweet and sour.”
Me: “Okay, ma’am, but what would you like to drink?”
Customer: “I just told you, I want sweet and sour with my nuggets!”
Me: *catching on to their game* “Okay… what would you like to dip?”
Customer: “Coke!”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, before your photos were printed the technician noticed that they have a–” *ahem* “–content which we cannot print.”
Customer: “This is because I was nude, isn’t it?”
Me: “Well, that wasn’t the deciding factor in itself.”
Customer: “Are you saying that there is something wrong with the human body? That it is obscene?”
Me: “No, I cannot comment on that. But the use of certain… toys… in your photography did cross our line.”
Customer: “Well? What are you going to do for me?”
Me: “While I am forbidden to make and sell you the photos, the negatives are still yours. You can have them once you pay the processing fee.”
Customer: “Hmmmpph! Well, you can at least tell me how I looked!”
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(The store in question is very small: eight aisles, total, in a nice, easy-to-see square configuration.)
Customer: “Where are your batteries?”
Me: “Aisle three.”
Customer: “Where?”
Me: “Aisle three…” *points* “… just behind you.”
Customer: “Oh. Which one is aisle three?”
Me: “The one with the ‘three’ on it, sir. In between aisles two and four.”
Customer: “Thanks!” *wanders off into aisle two*
Boss: “Don’t do that again.”
Related:
You Can Lead A Horse To Water
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Very Pregnant Girl: “I want to get my eyebrow pierced.”
Me: “I’m not piercing you until you pop out that kid.”
Very Pregnant Girl: “Why not? I have my ID; I have money!”
Me: “You’re pregnant.”
Very Pregnant Girl: “So?”
Me: “Whatever I do to you, your baby feels. When you get pierced, your adrenaline rises and your blood sugar drops.”
Very Pregnant Girl: “Well… the opposite happens to me!”
Me: “Okay, that doesn’t make any sense, but fine. Your adrenaline drops and your blood sugar rises. It’s still affecting your kid negatively. Kinda like how you can’t drink or smoke when you’re pregnant.”
Very Pregnant Girl: “My mom smoked with me and I smoked with all my kids and we’re all fine!”
Me: “…”
This story is part of our Even More Dangerous Parent’s roundup!
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Customer: “Hi there, I was wondering if you could help me?”
Me: “Of course. What are you after?”
Customer: “Well, my son is a huge Star Wars fan and he really wants one of those lightsabers.”
Me: “Not a problem; we have plenty of them. Was there any particular one you were after.”
Customer: “Do you have one of the ones that come out of the handle?”
Me: “We have several pop-out ones. They also make a sound.”
Customer: “Oh, okay.”
(They walk off and pick some of the different designs up and walk back to me.)
Customer: “Hi again.”
Me: “Did you find one?”
Customer: “Not the one that he wants.”
Me: “Well, we also have some better ones in the window. Would you like to see?”
Customer: “Yes, please.”
(I get a prop lightsaber out of the window and show it to them.)
Customer: “Hmm, it doesn’t seem to be the right one.”
Me: “Unfortunately, that’s all we really do.”
Customer: “So you don’t do the one that cuts things?”
Me: “Erm, the ones that cut things?”
Customer: “You know, the ones from the movies.”
Me: *giving up* “Erm… you could try [Toy Store], they should do them.”
Customer: “Brilliant, thanks very much.”
(If that wasn’t bad enough, it happened about three times in the past year.)
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