When People Are Too Lazy To Even Read Comic Books

, , , | Right | March 20, 2020

(I used to work at a comic book store. One day, only my manager and I are working on an early morning. An excited customer comes in.)

Me: “Hello! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hey, I just saw a [Superhero] poster outside! Do you have that movie?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t sell any movies or DVDs. That’s actually a comic book series.”

Customer: “Is it good? Do you have it?”

Me: “It is awesome, actually. But unfortunately, we’re sold out. You’ll have to wait until the trade paperback comes in.”

Customer: “Okay, but when does the movie go out, then?”

Me: “That’s not a movie, sir.”

Customer: “So, you don’t have it on DVD?”

Me: *sighs* “No, sir.”

Customer: “But it will be? When will you have it?”

Me: “It is a comic book, sir. And I don’t think it’s going to be a movie. Ever.”

Customer: “So, it isn’t on DVD?”

(I’m trying to gather all the patience I’ve got.)

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: *smiling* “Okay, I’ll come back later today to see if you’ve finally got the DVD!”

(Finally, he leaves and I turn to my manager.)

Me: “Please, let my shift be over for today.”

(He just laughed at me.)

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It Still Brings Me Joy  

, , , , | Right | January 25, 2020

(I own a comic book store. I’ve been in business for about a year when a popular animated movie about anthropomorphic emotions is released. As such, we have some stock related to the movie, including blind box figures of the various characters. A woman is paying for an item when her very goth teenage son — thirteen or fourteen, I’d guess — picks up one of the boxes.)

Goth: “I really wanted to like this movie, but I couldn’t relate to it.”

(He puts the box back, and stares me straight in the face.)

Goth: “The only emotions in my head are Sadness and Anger.”

(His mother rolled her eyes as I tried not to laugh, but even years later, I remember that dude and it always makes me smile!)

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He Will Always Be Wondering About Women

, , , , , | Friendly | December 22, 2019

(I’m in a local comic book store, shopping for my roommate for a birthday present. Unfortunately, I know NOTHING of comics, so I’m going in a bit overwhelmed. There are only a handful of people in there and I see no one at the counter, so I decide to look around a bit to try and figure everything out myself before I seek out an employee for help. I’m stopped, leafing through some Wonder Woman comics in an aisle when a guy sidles up beside me.)

Guy #1: “Wonder Woman, huh?”

Me: *surprised* “Oh! Hi, yeah. I never actually read any of these. I’ve only seen the movie.” *nervous chuckle*

Guy #1: *snorts* “Figures.”

(I’m now very much aware that one, he is definitely not an employee, two, he’s picking up that I know nothing of comics — because I just TOLD him — and three, he’s very much criticizing me for the lack of nerd-cred I posses)

Me: *curt* “Uh-huh.”

(I continue to study the comics and open one up, trying to ignore the guy who’s still just standing there, staring at me.)

Guy #1: “Do you even know Wonder Woman’s real name?”

Me: *knows, but want to get him off my back* “Nope.”

Guy #1: “Really? Wooow. How can you even consider yourself to be a fan, then?”

(I actually kind of laugh at how ridiculously stereotypical this conversation is getting.)

Me: “Never said I was a fan, dude.”

(I keep reading in a random part of the comic as he stands there, full-on turned towards me and staring. Finally, after what feels like FAR too long, he harumphs away to the other end of the aisle. I set down the comic and start making my way out, when another guy stops me.)

Guy #2: “Hey, you need any help?”

Me: “Oh, uh… Well, yes, actually. I don’t know where to start, though.”

(He’s dressed all in casual black, so I assume him to be an employee. He shows me around to the areas of my roommate’s favorite characters, recommends what comics and doodads he may like, and even makes some recommendations of what I may like. Eventually, after all is said and done, we pass by the original man I saw.)

Guy #1: “You know he doesn’t even work here, right?”

Me: “You don’t?”

Guy #2: *pointedly making eye-contact with [Guy #1]* “Nah, but I saw how that a**hole was treating you and thought I’d be better than that.”

(I swear, the look on [Guy #1]’s face was PRICELESS. It was a mix of shock, rage, dumbfoundment, and pain. It was like he was given a puppy for Christmas and it exploded into confetti in front of him. We kept walking before he could say another word, rang the service bell, and checked out together. I’ve never gone back to the store, but I stayed friends with [Guy #2] on social media. Unfortunately, my roommate already owned two out of the three things I got him, but he was able to exchange the two comics and was ecstatic about the third item, which he was originally saving up for. As for me, I’ll always treasure the memory of that one time a grown man practically had an aneurysm over being called out for being a jerk.)

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Feel Free To Argue

, , , | Right | October 3, 2019

(I overhear the following at my local comic shop.)

Customer: “Where are all the comics at?”

Worker: “Well, our comic racks are over on that wall. Are you…”

Customer: “No! The free ones!”

Worker: “Uh, free ones? We do sometimes have sample comics, but we don’t…”

Customer: “There was a big table full of free comics just last week! Where are they?!”

Worker: *in a tone of realization* “Sir, are you talking about Free Comic Book Day? That was over a month ago, and it only happens once per year.”

Customer: *after several moments of silence* “So, where are they?”

Worker: *in a tone of exhaustion* “We don’t have any free comic books.”

(The customer kept glaring for a bit before stomping out of the store.)

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When Comic Book Stores Need Wakanda Shielding

, , , , | Right | September 24, 2019

(I am working in my closed comic book store, unpacking after a big convention.)

Door: “BANG! BANG! BANG!”

(I see a customer pounding at the locked door of the store.)

Phone: “Ring Ring Ring!”

(I ignore the phone while I unpack, but the banging and shouting continue. I go to the door and unlock it.)

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Are you open?”

Me: “No. We’re closed today. Sorry.”

Customer: “That’s okay; I can still buy stuff, right?”

Me: “No, we’re closed.”

Customer: “But you’re here, and the door is unlocked, so you must be open.”

Me: “I unlocked it so you wouldn’t break my windows. We’re closed.”

Customer: “Oh… Can I come in?”

Me: “No, we’re closed. Sorry.”

Customer: “Yeah, but you’re here, and I just want—”

Me: “I’m here unpacking a convention, the store is not safe for customers to come in, and we are closed. We are open tomorrow from ten to nine. Thanks.” *closes and locks the door*

Customer: *as he walks away* “What an a**hole!”

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