It Still Brings Me Joy  

, , , , | Right | January 25, 2020

(I own a comic book store. I’ve been in business for about a year when a popular animated movie about anthropomorphic emotions is released. As such, we have some stock related to the movie, including blind box figures of the various characters. A woman is paying for an item when her very goth teenage son — thirteen or fourteen, I’d guess — picks up one of the boxes.)

Goth: “I really wanted to like this movie, but I couldn’t relate to it.”

(He puts the box back, and stares me straight in the face.)

Goth: “The only emotions in my head are Sadness and Anger.”

(His mother rolled her eyes as I tried not to laugh, but even years later, I remember that dude and it always makes me smile!)

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He Will Always Be Wondering About Women

, , , , , | Friendly | December 22, 2019

(I’m in a local comic book store, shopping for my roommate for a birthday present. Unfortunately, I know NOTHING of comics, so I’m going in a bit overwhelmed. There are only a handful of people in there and I see no one at the counter, so I decide to look around a bit to try and figure everything out myself before I seek out an employee for help. I’m stopped, leafing through some Wonder Woman comics in an aisle when a guy sidles up beside me.)

Guy #1: “Wonder Woman, huh?”

Me: *surprised* “Oh! Hi, yeah. I never actually read any of these. I’ve only seen the movie.” *nervous chuckle*

Guy #1: *snorts* “Figures.”

(I’m now very much aware that one, he is definitely not an employee, two, he’s picking up that I know nothing of comics — because I just TOLD him — and three, he’s very much criticizing me for the lack of nerd-cred I posses)

Me: *curt* “Uh-huh.”

(I continue to study the comics and open one up, trying to ignore the guy who’s still just standing there, staring at me.)

Guy #1: “Do you even know Wonder Woman’s real name?”

Me: *knows, but want to get him off my back* “Nope.”

Guy #1: “Really? Wooow. How can you even consider yourself to be a fan, then?”

(I actually kind of laugh at how ridiculously stereotypical this conversation is getting.)

Me: “Never said I was a fan, dude.”

(I keep reading in a random part of the comic as he stands there, full-on turned towards me and staring. Finally, after what feels like FAR too long, he harumphs away to the other end of the aisle. I set down the comic and start making my way out, when another guy stops me.)

Guy #2: “Hey, you need any help?”

Me: “Oh, uh… Well, yes, actually. I don’t know where to start, though.”

(He’s dressed all in casual black, so I assume him to be an employee. He shows me around to the areas of my roommate’s favorite characters, recommends what comics and doodads he may like, and even makes some recommendations of what I may like. Eventually, after all is said and done, we pass by the original man I saw.)

Guy #1: “You know he doesn’t even work here, right?”

Me: “You don’t?”

Guy #2: *pointedly making eye-contact with [Guy #1]* “Nah, but I saw how that a**hole was treating you and thought I’d be better than that.”

(I swear, the look on [Guy #1]’s face was PRICELESS. It was a mix of shock, rage, dumbfoundment, and pain. It was like he was given a puppy for Christmas and it exploded into confetti in front of him. We kept walking before he could say another word, rang the service bell, and checked out together. I’ve never gone back to the store, but I stayed friends with [Guy #2] on social media. Unfortunately, my roommate already owned two out of the three things I got him, but he was able to exchange the two comics and was ecstatic about the third item, which he was originally saving up for. As for me, I’ll always treasure the memory of that one time a grown man practically had an aneurysm over being called out for being a jerk.)

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Feel Free To Argue

, , , | Right | October 3, 2019

(I overhear the following at my local comic shop.)

Customer: “Where are all the comics at?”

Worker: “Well, our comic racks are over on that wall. Are you…”

Customer: “No! The free ones!”

Worker: “Uh, free ones? We do sometimes have sample comics, but we don’t…”

Customer: “There was a big table full of free comics just last week! Where are they?!”

Worker: *in a tone of realization* “Sir, are you talking about Free Comic Book Day? That was over a month ago, and it only happens once per year.”

Customer: *after several moments of silence* “So, where are they?”

Worker: *in a tone of exhaustion* “We don’t have any free comic books.”

(The customer kept glaring for a bit before stomping out of the store.)

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When Comic Book Stores Need Wakanda Shielding

, , , , | Right | September 24, 2019

(I am working in my closed comic book store, unpacking after a big convention.)

Door: “BANG! BANG! BANG!”

(I see a customer pounding at the locked door of the store.)

Phone: “Ring Ring Ring!”

(I ignore the phone while I unpack, but the banging and shouting continue. I go to the door and unlock it.)

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Are you open?”

Me: “No. We’re closed today. Sorry.”

Customer: “That’s okay; I can still buy stuff, right?”

Me: “No, we’re closed.”

Customer: “But you’re here, and the door is unlocked, so you must be open.”

Me: “I unlocked it so you wouldn’t break my windows. We’re closed.”

Customer: “Oh… Can I come in?”

Me: “No, we’re closed. Sorry.”

Customer: “Yeah, but you’re here, and I just want—”

Me: “I’m here unpacking a convention, the store is not safe for customers to come in, and we are closed. We are open tomorrow from ten to nine. Thanks.” *closes and locks the door*

Customer: *as he walks away* “What an a**hole!”

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Time To Trample His Misogyny

, , , , | Right | April 22, 2019

(My fiancé and I have gone to our local comic shop and gaming store to play in a “Magic: The Gathering” draft tournament. After everyone has signed up and paid, the owner tells us to take a seat at the tables so that he and his employee can pass out the packs of cards. As he’s handing out packs, the shop employee taps a guy on the shoulder and points at the girl sitting next to him.)

Employee: “She’s not playing, so she can’t sit there.” *shrugs* “I’m not saying you’d cheat, but those are the rules so that people aren’t tempted to cheat.”

Guy: “Oh, okay.” *to the girl* “Sorry, baby.”

Girl: “That’s okay. I’m just going to take the car and go grab something to eat, okay?”

(She gets up and starts to leave the shop. The guy watches her go and notices me as she walks past me.)

Guy: *suddenly pointing at me* “Hey! If my girlfriend can’t sit with me, then she can’t sit with him!”

Employee: *without looking up from what he’s doing* “Yes, she can. She’s playing.”

Guy: *scowling* “But you made my girlfriend leave!”

Employee: *rolls his eyes* “I said she’s playing. If you want your girlfriend to sit with you, go pay [Shop Owner] $15 so she can play.”

Guy: *scoffs* “My girlfriend doesn’t want to play Magic.”

Employee: *pointing at me* “Well, she does want to play and has paid her $15, so she can sit right there with her man if she wants to.”

Guy: *grumbling* “It’s not fair.”

Employee: *groans* “Life’s not fair. But she’s paid her money and it wouldn’t be fair for me to make her leave.”

(The guy starts to complain again but a friend of ours, who is sitting next to him, cuts him off.)

Friend: *annoyed* “Oh, my God, shut up! She’s in here with him all the time! She legitimately knows what she’s doing and paid to sit her a** in that chair, so shut the f*** up or do us all a favor and leave!

(The guy sulked the rest of the evening and even pouted when I came in fourth place.)

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