Self-checkouts were new at this time, and everybody still used cash. It was before tap-to-pay had really caught on.

I was monitoring the self-checkout area; it was my job to sort out problems. This bloke came through the self-checkout with headphones on and a great big army camouflage coat. He had a basket of stuff. No big deal. He seemed to know what he was doing, and nothing beeped and flashed at me to tell me to sort something out, but he was taking a long time to pay, so I went over in his direction to see what he was doing.

It turned out he had a pocket full of small coins — not even silver, but copper stuff — and he was feeding the coin feed from a big handful, coin by coin by coin. It was taking him ages, and he was holding up the line for everyone else. There were only about eight machines, and not all of them were working.

Me: *Firmly and politely* “Sir, that’s enough coins. You’ll clog the machine.”

Customer: “I’m getting rid of my small change. I thought you’d be happy to not have to refill the change drawer.”

Me: “You’re going to have to stop that and use proper money.”

But he ignored me and carried on.

I summoned a manager to summon security — I’m not allowed to do that myself — but by the time, he arrived and I told him what was happening, the bloke in the coat had finished and was casually strolling out of the door with his stuff. I checked the machine, and it looked as though he must have paid the full amount because there were no alarms on it.

I made sure to keep an eye out for him coming back and pulling that stunt again, but I didn’t see him again when I was on self-checkout duty.

I’m met with the unpleasant surprise of having less than $10 in my bank account, which isn’t right at all. I then notice that I was charged a courtesy fee — sometimes called an overdraft fee — and I immediately go to the bank, because the math just is not mathing correctly, no matter how I slice it.

Me: “Hello. I was wondering if you could help me with this courtesy fee I’ve got. See, I was charged an overdraft fee yesterday, but I shouldn’t have been.”

Clerk: “Well, I see here that you had items pending. Those do get taken into account, so if you charged something to your card, that money is still gone and we charge a fee if you overdraft.”

Me: “I understand that, but my question is this: do you charge an overdraft fee only if the account is in the negative?”

Clerk: “Yes, only if there is no money or not enough in the account to cover a purchase do we charge a fee.”

Me: “Then how did an overdraft fee wind up on my account and get taken out, but I am not in the negative?”

Clerk: “Pending purchases do count, I’m afraid.”

Me: “No, I understand that. But on [date], I was charged $33 for a courtesy fee, and as you can see from my statements, I was not overdrawn. And here, yesterday, it happened again. My account has not been negative once in the past three months, but you’ve charged me an overdraft fee four times, starting on [date].”

Clerk: “Um… Oh… Yeah, I can see… Hmm…”

Me: *After a pause* “Perhaps a supervisor could help?”

Clerk: “Yeah, I’m gonna call my manager…”

After the manager arrives and reviews my account statements, he makes a few phone calls.

Manager: “Ma’am, I am so very sorry. I have no idea what happened, but you’re absolutely correct. There was no reason you should have been charged overdraft fees. We’ll refund those fees immediately.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Manager: “We will not be able to waive any other fees for you at this time, as this is a courtesy, so—”

Me: “I’m sorry, did you just say you were refunding the money you took from me as a courtesy?”

Manager: “This is a one-time courtesy we can do for you. Is there anything else I can help you with at this time?”

Me: “Yes, I would like to close my account. If you’re going to charge me overdraft fees incorrectly and then say that I’m getting the money back as a courtesy, I would like to bank elsewhere. I’ll take my account balance as a cashier’s check.”

I walked across the street to the local credit union, where I got an extra hundred bucks for signing up with them. I’ve never had a single issue with them.

I’m waiting in line at the gas station and have the pleasure of being behind a total jerk. He finishes his transaction and then asks:

Customer: “Can I trade in this twenty-dollar bill for two tens?”

Cashier: “No, I’m sorry, but we have limited change right now, and I’m not allowed to do that.”

Customer: “Are you serious?”

Cashier: “Yes, I’m sorry. it’s company policy when we are low on change.”

Customer: “This is so f****** stupid. It’s ridiculous.” *Turns in my direction* “It’s ridiculous, right?”

Me: “Well, since the sign on the outside says, ‘[Gas Station],’ and not, ‘Bank,’ I think it’s pretty reasonable.” 

He just stormed out of the store. There was a bank literally across the street from this gas station.

It’s Saturday and I’m making a cash pickup from the tills and there’s a check in the till that’s drawn on a bank that closed fifteen years ago after being bought out by another bank. I show it to the cashiers and tell them about it. Our store director went to high school with the person the checks belong to and confirms they were stolen.

Cut to the next Monday. There’s a customer with a couple of large items. She pulls out one of the exact same set of checks and starts writing it out for $380.

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t take this check.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, to start with, [Bank] has been closed since 2005; this check isn’t any good.”

Customer: “It’s my daughter’s check, there’s a [Bank] still in El Dorado.”

Me: “No, ma’am, the [Bank] in El Dorado wasn’t a part of this chain when it was open, and it’s actually a credit union. This check clearly says [Bank] in Malvern. Also, it’s not your daughter’s check, this check is stolen. I know the person these belong to.”

I had an account with this bank when it was open. They were a really good bank, so I know a bit more than a normal person would.

Customer: “Well, I never…”

Me: “It doesn’t matter, I cannot and I will not take this check for this purchase.”

At this point the lady storms out. I can’t quite get her license plate but I get a good description and call the police department. Upon reviewing the cameras, we discover that the lady had an ankle monitor on. Fifteen minutes later, they come back, pull into the parking lot of the law office next door and go in. I run out, get a tag number and call the police, who show up and make an arrest.

Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “I’ve been robbed!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Can you please give me the details?”

Caller: “I went to the bank and their ATMs aren’t working! They’re withholding my money! My money!”

Me: “So, no one has taken any money away from you?”

Caller: “My money is in that bank, and they’re not giving it to me!”

Me: “Ma’am, that is not an emergency for 911. Please take it up with the bank.”

Caller: “It is an emergency! They don’t open until 8:30, and I need that cash now!”

Me: “Ma’am, the only reason you would call 911 about your bank is if it was being robbed. You are not being robbed, and if you call again, you could be charged with taking up an emergency line for a non-emergency.”

Caller: “So, you’re saying that you’ll only come out to the bank is if it’s being robbed? Fine, I’ll call you back!” *Click*

Thankfully, we didn’t get any reports of a bank being robbed that morning.