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(I work in the music section of a bookstore. One day, we caught one of our regulars shoplifting and banned him. The very next day, he walks in as if nothing happened.)
Me: “Dude, you aren’t allowed to be here. You were banned.”
Customer: “Why?”
Me: “You stole a CD from me.”
Customer: “But I gave it back!”
This story is part of the Stupid Criminals roundup!
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A lady walks in with a bunch of change in her hands.
Lady: “Can you give me a dollar bill for all this change?”
Me: “Sorry, it’s against company policy to open the register unless I am making a sale.”
Lady: “But you just opened the register for that kid.”
Me: “Yes, because I was making a sale.”
Lady: “This is bull-s***. You aren’t helping me because I’m Hispanic!”
She starts swearing at me in Spanish and English.
Me: “Have a good day, ma’am.”
She continues yelling.
Me: “Have a good day.”
She is still yelling.
Me: “Ma’am, I am going to have to ask you to leave.”
The lady is about two feet away from me and throws all of her coins at me. I didn’t move because I was in shock. She managed to not hit me with one single coin.
Me: “Ma’am, you dropped your change.”
This story is part of our Confused-With-Spanish roundup!
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Customer: “Uh, yes, I need the grey paint for the carpet. Which one is best for the carpet?”
Me: “Sir, we do not have a paint for carpet.”
Customer: “Yes, yes. No… no. You do not understand… see, I need to paint carpet, yes? You tell me which one. Yes, yes?”
Me: “Sir, like I said, it is not advisable to paint your carpet. It will harden and you will not be able to remove it, so I cannot recommend a product at this time.”
Customer: “No, no, you see wrong. I paint floor of car. It is very cheap, I like to paint the carpet, it is cheap, yes? So which one, which one?”
Me: “Sir, I don’t think you understand me when I tell you that it is not possible to spray paint carpet. You may dye it, or you may try to remove the stain. I could show you where–”
*customer cuts me off*
Customer: “No, no, you see, I need paint. For carpet, yes? And you show me which one. Yes? We do this now.”
Me: “…okay. Try that grey one over there.”
Customer: “Is it good for carpet?”
Me: *blank stare*
*pause*
Me: “Sure, why not?”
Customer: “Yes, yes, thank you!”
Me: *sigh*
(This guy with a thick Bosnian accent comes up to me.)
Customer: “I am looking for beekels.”
Me: “Beekels?”
Customer: “Okay…”
(I show him where are the bagels are.)
Customer: “No, Not bread. Beekles.”
Me: “Um…”
Customer: “The kind you put in fridge.”
Me: “Oh.”
(I go to the freezers and show him the frozen bagels.)
Customer: “NO! NOT BREAD! BEEKLES!”
Me: “I can’t… I don’t know… uh…”
(He walks away. A few Aisles away he sees it and picks up.)
Customer: “This is what I was looking for.”
Me: “Oh, pickles…”
(It is Christmas time, and we are all extra wary of credit card fraud, so we are required to check IDs with all credit card purchases.)
Me: “The total is $17.88.”
(Customer pulls out a credit card.)
Me: “Will that be credit or debit?”
Customer: “Credit.”
Me: “All right. Do you mind if I see your ID?”
Customer: “What if I do mind?”
Me: “Then we’re at a stalemate.”
(I folded my arms, and looked at her straight in the eyes.)
This story is part of the Clueless With Credit Cards roundup!
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Read the Clueless With Credit Cards roundup!
This story is part of the Christmas Eve roundup!
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