My partner and some of our friends play a tabletop RPG on a weekly basis. One member of the group lives in another city and Skypes in; I’ve never met him in person. During the first game session, I wander through the room.
Me: Hey, everybody. Hey, [Skype Player], I’m [Name].
Skype Player: Oh hi, [Name]. I know you, you’re [Partner’s] sister!
Me: Uh…no, I’m his girlfriend.
Skype Player: Then how is your name [Name]?
Me: …because it…is?
Skype Player: Wait, wait, I thought [Partner’s] girlfriend was [Sister’s Name, which sounds nothing like my name].
Game Master: You caught him, [Skype Player]. [Partner], we’ve been meaning to talk to you about how creepy it is that you and your sister sleep in the same bed.
Me: Also, while we’re on the subject, why does your girlfriend live with our parents?
Partner: Ehn, they just like her better.
Skype Player: All right, all right, it was an honest mistake!
A couple of weeks later, during another game session, I’ve poured myself a beer and get one for [Partner] too.
Partner, in his character voice and pretending it’s part of the game: Ooo, ale!
Other Player: Where’d you get that?
Me: The beer fairy brought it to him.
Other Player: I didn’t know your sister was the beer fairy!
Skype Player: I hate all of you.

My husband passed away a few days before my birthday this year. On my birthday, I received some typical birthday reactions as well as condolences but two in particular stick out.

Friend # 1 (through text message): I hope you had a funnish birthday today.
Me: If funeral planning gets you going, then sure.

Later, at a restaurant with my family, I have this exchange.

Friend # 2: I have a gift for you in my car.
Me: Oh, thank you.
Friend # 2: It’s a dead body.
Me: Bad timing.

I know people deal with death with humor and want good things for those they care about but I wish they had just stuck with “Happy Birthday”.

Brother: Hey, you want to see something cute? There’s this miniature doberman that just showed up at the house!
Me: SO CUTE
Aunt: *sees dog* No. No way. I told you that I was willing to get a new cat, but not a dog.
Brother: …
Me: …
Me: But his name is Cat.
Aunt: I know a cat when I see one.
Me: Clearly not, this is Cat.
*the next day*
Mom: Have you met our new dog? Your brother named him Cat. Isn’t he adorable?

My best friend my whole life has a rather large family. He has a brother who was 2 years older than him, a sister 2 years younger than him, twin sisters 7 years younger than him, a brother 9 years younger than him, and a sister 11 years younger than him. His uncle and grandparents also lived with them from time to time. When he was a sophomore in high school, his older brother passed away from cancer. Then, the next year his family was involved in a car crash that killed his uncle and brother and crushed his youngest sister, causing her arm and leg to be amputated near the shoulder and knee. That time, he became very depressed. In school, he started hanging out more with his sister, who was a freshman.
I came upon this scene a few minutes after it started, but Friend and his sister filled me in on what had happened. Basically, between classes, Friend and his sister had been walking through a famous shortcut hallway. Another kid, famous for being a bit of a jerk, started yelled something like “Hey, Junior! Nice freshie you got there, Pedophile
!”.
Now, Jerk’s friends weren’t very nice people, but even they were advising him against harassing Friend further because of his family situation. He instead said something along the lines of “Oh, boo-hoo! Your brothers died? Well, guess what? Everyone dies at some point. Besides, he probably had it coming to him anyways.”
My friend yelled “Shut the f*** up, you f***ing b***ard!” just as I showed up. He was usually very calm and easygoing, so I knew that something was wrong, as was the eccentric history teacher that was walking past. The teacher politely inquired “What is going on?” Jerk said “Thank goodness you’re here! That kid was just yelling at me for no reason!” Teacher smiled and said “I doubt that is true. Friend here doesn’t yell. In fact, I had no idea he could even speak. Moreover, his family is going through a tough time at the moment, with multiple deaths less than a month ago. You, on the other hand, have had a history of harassing your classmates. Let us walk calmly to the principal’s office.”
Long story short, he was suspended for a week and a half. That’s not the whole end of the story. That Friday, I was helping Friend and his sister babysit their younger sisters, and we decided to go out for dinner. I was pushing his sister’s wheelchair and holding his younger sister (she adores me and hated her wheelchair), when we ran into Jerk and an older man and woman who were later found out to be his aunt and father. The father in particular was a very scary man, what with a thick moustache and looking like he had never heard of a volume that wasn’t yelling. Jerk paled when he saw us, while the father grew furious. He yelled “Is this that kid who you were bullying earlier? Apologize! Now!”. and so Jerk apologized meekly. Then his aunt gave us pamphlets about the suicide prevention hotline that she worked at. I could here them yelling at Jerk as they left. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

I’m working as the cashier in my colleges’ underground pub and a customer comes to order
Customer: does the panini come with fries?
Me: no, fries cost extra
Customer: so what does the it come with?
Me: chips come free with the panini
Customer: oh yeah, ok, I’ll have that then
Me: so the panini with chips?
Customer: yes, with the chips
I ring him up and all is well. He comes back up to me after receiving his food.
Customer: I ordered fries with this and I got chips
Me: no you ordered chips, that’s what comes with the panini
Customer: *walks away*