At my store, radios are worn by managers, customer service clerks, department managers, and personal shoppers. Because so many people wear radios, conversations are kept as short as possible and very rarely last over a minute. We also have earpieces so customers can’t hear our conversations. Too often this happens:

Customer: “Where is [item]?”

Me: “Where is what?”

Customer: “[Item].”

Cue management conversation on the radio.

Me: “I’m not sure. Let me ask.”

I pause since I can’t talk when others are talking on the radio, but I have my finger on the talk button ready to ask once the conversation ends. The customer gets impatient.

Customer: “Aren’t you going to ask?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I have to wait. They’re talking at the moment.”

The customer waits all of five seconds.

Customer: “Ugh, forget it! You’re clearly useless.”

He stormed off just as the conversation ended and I was able to ask.

I am helping a customer who is talking to me about how he just got back from a funeral for his grandmother and how he is glad to be back. I finish ringing him up and he uses a gift card worth $100.

Me: “All right! That’s a pretty nice gift card!” 

Guy: “Yeah, it’s my dead father’s.”

Me: *Pause* “I hope that wasn’t your inheritance.”

I am working in the box office on a slow Sunday. Our theater chain offers online showtimes, ticket purchases, and information about each theater, when the location is chosen. A family of four approaches the box office and my coworker greets them.

Coworker: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “I’d like four for [Movie], military discount.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t have a military discount.”

Customer: “Your site says you do.”

Coworker: “Some of our theaters do have the military discount, mostly ones near bases—”

Customer: *Interrupting* “Your site says you have it.” *Turning toward his son* “Show it to me.”

Coworker: “If you call our corporate office and complain, that is the only way we might get the military discount.”

The customer is not paying attention, forcefully telling his son to show him the site on his phone. By now, my coworker is getting understandably upset; she has tried explaining to the customer that the military discount is unavailable at our particular theater. I am trying not to laugh, because I understand that the father is calling his son out about being wrong.

Son: “See, it says right here!” 

The son holds his phone up and the customer looks at it.

Customer: “WISCONSIN?!”

Son: “What?”

Customer: “We’re not in Wisconsin!”

He turns back to my coworker.

Customer: “What time does the movie start?”

Coworker: “It starts at 7:25, sir.”

Customer: *Checks his watch* “All right, four for the movie.”

My coworker tells him the price and completes the transaction. As they pass through the doors, we hear the customer scolding his son sarcastically about “taking a road trip.” We’re silent until the doors shut behind them, and then I burst out laughing.

Me: “How did they get a Wisconsin zip code out of Virginia?”

(I work a second job delivering pizza after my day job. One night, my wife texts me and asks me to bring home some items from the grocery. Since it’s almost midnight, I go to the supermarket just down the street from my pizza store before they close. After getting the items, I go to the one lane that’s open, which is attended by a cute woman in her twenties. She addresses me in an overly friendly manner, like we’re old acquaintances.)

Cute Cashier: “Hi, [My Name]! How’re you this evening?!”

Me: *slightly taken aback* “Um… I’m good.”

Cute Cashier: “I haven’t seen you for a while, [My Name].”

Me: *still wondering how I know this woman* “Well, I usually shop at the [Store] near my home in Maryland.”

Cute Cashier: “Oh, you’ve got quite a drive home, [My Name].”

Me: “Yeah, I wouldn’t make it to that store before they closed.”

Cute Cashier: *finishes checking me out* “That’ll be $10.24, [My Name].”

(I hand her cash and take the receipt.)

Cute Cashier: “Bye, [My Name]! Drive safe!”

(I walked away, still confused as to how I knew this woman. I looked down at my items, and then I noticed: I was still wearing my delivery uniform which had my first name embroidered on it. I turned around and pointed at my name; [Cute Cashier] nodded to confirm she was just messing with my mind.)

I finish ringing up an older lady and she sees on the register’s screen where her Brunswick stew rang up more than she thought.

Customer: “There’s a sign back there that says that stew is $2.99.”

Our store policy is to go check for the sign or tag that the customer said they saw to make sure if it’s in the system right or if the customer is right.

Me: “Okay, I’ll go check. I’ll be right back.”

I get there and it rang the correct price but beside the item is one that is sold out. The tag on the shelf does have $2.99 on it. I know I should probably check to see the name of the item but it has been a long day, I am getting off in less than ten minutes, and it is on the bottom shelf which means that I would have to bend all the way down to read the name, so I don’t.

Me: “It is $3.69. There was an item right next to it that’s sold out; that was $2.99. I can take the stew off if you don’t want it.”

Customer: “Then what was the item that is sold out?”

Me: “Some other brand of beef stew that was sitting next to it.”

Customer: “What brand?”

By her tone, I can tell she’s basically accusing me of lying about the sold-out item.

Me: “I’m not sure. If you want, I can show you the tag.”

Customer: “Fine, just take them off.”

We have to call the manager-on-duty to take anything off unless it was the last action performed, so I call her over the intercom.

Me: *To my manager* “This lady saw the wrong price tag for this—” *points to cans* “—and I need you to take it off.”

Customer: *To my manager* “I saw a sign that said it was $2.99, but he told me that it was for an item that’s sold out, but he couldn’t tell me the name of it.”

Manager: “I’ll go check when I take this back.”

My manager takes the cans of stew off and takes them back to the shelf. The customer pays for the rest of her groceries.

Customer: “If it’s sold out, you should take the signs down.”

Me: “It’s a shelf tag. We need those to order items and to keep the space open on the shelf. I’m sure we have more of that item coming in tomorrow since it’s sold out, so we need to keep it on the shelf.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, I guess we were both wrong.”

She then left. I still have not figured out what I was wrong about, but I did find out what that item was the next day when I walked by it, fully stocked on the shelf.