I am an assistant teacher in an elementary school. I am outside with a first-grade class for PE. It’s my first day with this group — we’ve just had yet another schedule change — and I’m still getting to know the kids.

Little Boy: “Miss, how old are you?”

I always love getting this question, because kids have no sense of age and give hilarious answers.

Me: “How old do you think I am?”

Little Boy: “Seven!”

Me: “Bigger.”

Little Boy: “Eight?”

Me: “Bigger. Think grown-up numbers.”

Little Boy: *Thinking really hard* “NINE!”

Me: *Laughing* “Actually, buddy, I’m twenty-six.”

The boy is clearly confused by a number that big.

Little Boy: “Uh… Watch me throw my Frisbee!”

I work at a grocery store chain based in North Carolina. Not many people know that my chain is actually owned by a popular grocery store chain based in Ohio. As such, in any given area, you will either find my store chain or the parent store chain, but not both.

When calling our store, there are plenty of people who don’t listen to the automated message options.

Sometimes people will get through to the wrong company, and most people are fine when I explain that they called the wrong department and I have to transfer them.

Me: “[Store], Express Lane, this is [My Name]. Can I have your last name, please?”

Customer: “Is this [Parent Company]?”

Me: “No, this is [My Store].”

Customer: “It is? Then what’s the number for [Parent Company] in [Town]?”

Me: “There isn’t a [Parent Company] here.”

Customer: “Yes, there is! I know there is! I shop there all the time.”

Me: “No, there isn’t. There may have been a [Parent Company] in the area a long time ago, but there isn’t one now. However, they own [My Store], so we carry most of the same products.”

Customer: “[Parent Company] owns [My Store]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Where’s the closest [Parent Company]? I only shop there.”

Me: “Uh… I know there’s one in [Town almost two hours away]. If you hold, I can transfer you to customer service. They might know better.”

Customer: “You are customer service.”

Me: “No, this is Express Lane. People call me when they’ve placed an online grocery order and have a question.”

Customer: “This isn’t [Parent Company]?”

Me: “No. You’ve called [My Store].”

Customer: “Is there a [Parent Company] in [Town forty-five minutes away]?”

Me: “I doubt it. [Parent Company] usually doesn’t want their stores so close to our stores.”  

Customer: “But I want [Parent Company]. I Googled [Parent Company] in [Town] and came up with this number.”

Me: “That’s because they own us.”

Customer: “Well, you are just no help.” *Click*

I shop at the store across the street three or four times a week, usually for whatever I need for that day. Yesterday, I grabbed some hummus on sale and this altercation happened at the self-checkout:

Me: “This item isn’t ringing up properly. It’s not on sale like the tag says, so I’m just going to go over there to check the tag.”

Employee #1: “I can’t leave my post; you’ll need to do it yourself.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. I’m just telling you that I’m going to head over there real quick—”

Employee #1: “I can’t leave my post; you need to do this yourself.”

I walk over to the display and check the price. It’s two for $6, but most people know this just means one for $3 unless stated otherwise. Like I said, I shop often so I’m very familiar with needing to have a price corrected or matched; it probably happens a few times a month. I have a feeling there will be another problem with this employee, so I take a picture of the tag and return to the self-checkout.

Me: “Yeah, the item isn’t scanning properly. Can you price-match it?”

Employee #1: *Annoyed* “What’s the issue?”

Me: “This is supposed to be $3, but it’s scanning as $4.49. I just need the price matched.”

I show her the photo.

Employee #1: “See, that’s two for $6. You need two to get the deal. If you buy another, it’ll be correct.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s two for $6, but that just means one is $3. Some tags only work if you buy the right amount, but this isn’t one—”

Employee #1: “You need two, understand? If you get another, it’ll adjust.”

Me: “I understand what the tag says, but I know this isn’t—”

Employee #1: *Slowly* “You… need… to… get… two… for… it… to… work.”

I look at her, take the hummus out of the bag, and scan it again. Sure enough, the price does not update because that’s not the issue.

Me: “Okay, but obviously, that’s not true, or else it would be correct now.”

Employee #1: “You… need…”

Me: “Can you just get someone else over here?”

Employee #1: “Sure.”

She proceeds to hunt down a specific employee, ignoring two others who were closer — one of whom is a manager I know from my time shopping there — and instead finds her friend who’s about to leave.

Employee #1: *To [Employee #2]* “Can you explain to this person what the issue is? They’re having problems understanding why their item isn’t scanning properly.”

Employee #2: “What’s the issue?”

I show her the photo.

Me: “I just need this price-matched. It isn’t scanning as the labelled price.”

Employee #2: “It’s because that tag is expired. I can still honor the price for you.”

She enters her code and changes the price without a problem.

Me: “She was being really rude.”

Employee #2: “I mean… I can get a manager if you want.”

Me: “I don’t care enough; I just want to leave.”

Employee #2: “Yeah, good… You probably shouldn’t get a manager.”

I’m still trying to figure out what she meant by that.

Our store runs a promotion where you can get a free sub on your birthday. As a means to promote their rewards app, you get this as an automatic reward that can be redeemed any time within the week after your birthday; otherwise, you can still get the free sub the day of, provided you have your ID. Today is July 31st, and a customer comes in wanting to use the promotion.

Customer: “Yes, I wanted to go ahead and redeem my free birthday sub! I just have to enter my phone number, right?”

Me: “Is your birthday today, or were you doing it through the app?”

Customer: “Does it have to be today?”

Me: “Well, if it’s today, we can just put the discount through with your ID, but otherwise, we can use the app, and it can be any day the week of your birthday.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought it was within two weeks.”

Me: “We can still check if it’s on your app, then?”

We go through her app. If there are any rewards she could redeem, none show up. Although I’m not supposed to, sometimes I’ll give a customer the benefit of the doubt and let them redeem via ID as long as it’s within the time frame the app would have allowed.

Me: “Okay, looks like you don’t have the reward on here. When was your birthday, again?”

Customer: “The 19th.”

Me: “Oh, so that would have been twelve days ago…”

Customer: “No, August 19th.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “So… can I get my free birthday sub?”

Me: “You can come back the week of your birthday for it. Did you want to order anything in the meantime?”

Customer: “No. I just wanted a free sub.” *Walks off*

The cherry on all this? Two of my coworkers were having a completely separate conversation, and just as the customer began to walk away, one coworker said to the other, in the most unsympathetic tone he could muster, “Oh, that’s too bad.” This is basically a catchphrase for him that I know wasn’t directed at the customer, and thankfully, she was too wrapped up in wondering why she couldn’t get her birthday sub twenty days early to hear him, but the timing was just too perfect.

I have come to the customer’s home to change a flat tire. This scenario has repeated many times:

Me: “Good morning. The first thing we need to do is get hold of your spare tire.”

Customer: “I don’t think the tire has a hole in it. I think it went down because the temperature dropped.”

Me: “Do you think that tire got colder than the other three?”

Customer: “…”

Related:
A Very Tire-ing Conversation