Might Be Accurate For Some Of The Kids

, , , , , , , | General | August 13, 2018

When I was still in middle school, my mother worked as a principal for an elementary school. When she was employed there, the school used a bus company called “The Little Britches Buses” for the kindergartners to pick them up and drop them off from school, as well as to take them on field trips.

One day, due to a scheduling error the buses ended up running very late, so, as the principal, my mother had to send out an email notifying all the kindergarten teachers of this occurrence. The computer in my mother’s office was a pretty old model, and some of the keys were a bit sticky, especially the R key.  

She was kind of in a rush to get those emails out, so she didn’t notice her mistake until it was too late, and ended up sending an email that read:

“The Little B****es Buses are going to be late today.”

Thankfully, all the teachers either understood her mistake or were laughing too hard for her to get in any trouble.

What The Duck?

, , , , , | Learning | July 28, 2018

(My teacher momentarily leaves the classroom during a book reading and as expected, the class descends into child-anarchy for five minutes. Just conversations about TV shows and whatnot, but one boy sitting next to me is reenacting a scene, instead. He is yelling all the lines exaggeratedly, and even laughs in the place of the laugh-track used in sitcoms. I am not very social and don’t feel a need to talk to anyone purely because the teacher is absent for a few minutes. I am actually trying to finish the story we have been reading, but the boy next to me is making it impossible. While mustering the courage to ask him to quiet down, I am debating whether to ask politely or try and assert dominance: “Can you be quiet?” or “Just shut up!” What comes out instead is:)

Me: “Can you just quuck up?!”

(The surrounding kids that heard me went silent before bursting out into even louder laughter.)

Loud Boy: *laughs* “Sure, I can quack up! QUACK QUACK QUACK!”

(I groaned in shame and put my head down until the teacher came back. The next month was spent with me feeling humiliated while being taunted with “quack” jokes for my word fumble. Like other moments during that age, it was either quickly forgotten about or turned into a fond memory I learned to laugh at myself for.)

I Plead For Fifth

, , , , , , , , | Learning | July 26, 2018

At my younger sister’s elementary school, the library books were divided up by grade. Theoretically, a sound idea. Practically… not so much. My sister was a pretty advanced reader for her age, and so she wanted to read books ahead of her grade level.

The librarian refused.

My mother wrote a note giving her permission, and talked to my sister’s teacher, who spoke to the librarian in hopes of convincing her… to no avail. In her mind, third graders read third-grade books, second graders read second, so on and so forth.

The thing was, though… the librarian had control over what books my sister could take off the shelf or check out. What books she read during library time? Nothing she could do.

My third-grade little sister would very deliberately check out books from the public library that were fifth grade level or higher… and then serenely sit right in front of the fifth-grade bookshelf, reading her book without a care in the world.

I’m pretty sure she’s one of the reasons that librarian only lasted another year.

Disapproves Of His Own Approval

, , , , , | Learning | July 11, 2018

(I’m responsible for adding pictures to our school’s webpage. My former principal was insistent that he approve every photo before I posted it.)

Principal: “You added photos to the webpage yesterday.”

Me: “Yes.”

Principal: “Didn’t I tell you that I had to approve every picture you posted?”

Me: “Yes… but you sent those pictures to me. I didn’t think they needed to be approved.”

Principal: “It doesn’t matter.”

Me: “So, when you send me pictures for the website, I have to send them back to you for approval?”

Principal: “Yes.”

(I think he’d just forgotten that he was the one who sent them to me, and didn’t want to admit being wrong. Still, every time he emailed me photos, I’d send them right back to him for approval. It was never withheld.)

You Can’t Candy-Coat This

, , , , , | Learning | July 6, 2018

(I’m subbing for a second-grade class and have just lined them up for recess.)

Me: “[Student], go put your coat on. It’s cold and windy out today.”

Student: “I can’t find it.”

Me: “Check your locker.”

Student: *opens locker* “It’s not here.”

Me: “Is it in your backpack?”

Student: “No. I looked.”

Me: “Is it at your desk?” *checks with her*

Student: “No.”

Me: “Were you wearing a coat when you came to school this morning?”

Student: “I don’t know.”

Me: *sighs* “Okay. Let’s just go outside, and if you get cold tell me.”

Student: “Okay.” *plays for a while then runs over to me* “I’m cold.”

Me: “Go inside and ask the nurse if she has a coat or sweater you can borrow.”

Student: “Okay.”

(She comes back out a few minutes later with a coat TIED AROUND HER WAIST, and plays like that for the rest of recess. Later, at dismissal time:)

Student: “Hey, I found my coat!”

Me: “Oh, good. Where was it?”

Student: “In my backpack.”

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