A Likely Story, Teach

, , , , , | Learning | April 22, 2019

(I’m in the fifth grade. I turn in a math assignment. A week later, I get it back, torn up. This is what is written on it, paraphrased.)

Teacher: “You did a good job. My dog thought so, too.”

(That was the first time I’ve ever heard about a teacher’s dog eating homework!)

This Driver Is Driving People Crazy

, , , , , | Learning | April 21, 2019

(I’m a teacher. The music teacher and I are unloading a bus in the morning when a grown woman gets off. This is not unusual; sometimes parents ride with their children when they’ve had behavioral issues on the bus. The woman goes to the edge of the parking lot and starts talking on a cell phone.)

Music Teacher: “Notice anything strange about that woman?”

Me: “No, what?”

Music Teacher: “She’s not on a cell phone.”

(I look again. She’s not on the phone. She’s just… talking. By this time, the kids are all in the building.)

Music Teacher: “I’m getting the principal.”

(The woman approached me and began talking. It became immediately obvious that she was not all there. She wandered off and the police were called. As it turns out, she was a mentally disturbed woman who had just randomly climbed on the bus that morning. The bus driver was a substitute and didn’t ask the woman her business. When the woman began ranting to the busload of children, the substitute driver didn’t radio for help or advice, but just went along on her route. When the woman got off at the end of the line, the driver didn’t inform anyone what had been going on. The driver no longer works for the district.)

Thin Mints Know No Gender

, , , , , | Learning | April 19, 2019

A few years ago, I took my turn one week as the “mystery reader” for my daughter’s first-grade class. After reading to the children, I gave them two boxes of Girl Scout cookies to share.

One boy’s bottom lip began to quiver and his eyes welled with tears. He asked in a small voice:

“Can boys have Girl Scout cookies?”

The Number One Joke Of The Day

, , , , , | Learning | March 30, 2019

(In elementary school, our computer teacher starts off class every year with keyboarding practice. She does this by calling out each letter a couple of times followed by, “space” — for example “A, A, space” — which we then have to repeat as a class as we type it. We’re up to the letter P.)

Teacher: “All right. Everyone always wants to laugh when they hear me say, ‘P, P, space.’ So, if you’re going to laugh, do it now.”

(She actually gave us thirty seconds to laugh and get it out of our system before continuing with the lesson. And you can bet we did.)

Student Used Semantics: It Was Super Effective!

, , , | Learning | March 28, 2019

(I am a kindergarten teacher when Pokemon cards are hugely popular. They grow to be a distraction in class.)

Me: “All right, put all your Pokemon cards away. I don’t want to see them out in class again.”

(Five minutes later, I see a kid messing around with his cards.)

Me: “What did I just say? Didn’t you hear me say, ‘No Pokemon cards out in class.’?”

Kid: “But Mr. [My Name], these aren’t Pokemon. They’re Digimon.”

Me: *pause* “You got me there.”

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