Literally Singing Your Praises

, , , , , | Learning | September 22, 2017

(I am helping out some students during breakfast. I’m the music teacher, and have only seen the new students for one class at this point. This happens with a kindergarten student whose older sister I have taught for three years.)

Student: “I remember you!”

Me: “I remember you, too!”

Student: “You’re the singing girl!”

Me: “I’m the music teacher, yes.”

Student: “No! You’re not a teacher! You’re the singing girl!”

Making A Boob Of Them All

, , , , , , | Friendly | September 20, 2017

(I start puberty early, and by the age of ten, I have a well-developed chest, while most of my classmates are still very flat. I was constantly teased long before this, but the other girls have started a loud campaign to convince everyone that my breasts are fake. One day, I am in the girls restroom when the head “mean girl” and her friends surround me.)

Mean Girl: “Look; we all KNOW you’re stuffing. You can’t fool anyone! Just admit it.”

Me: *fed up at this point, I lift up the front of my shirt and flash the entire group* “Trust me; they’re real.”

(I then left without saying another word. While I was still teased for a variety of other reasons, somehow no one ever questioned my breasts again.)

It Looks Like Pokémon Isn’t In The Cards

, , , , | Learning | September 13, 2017

(At my school, there is a storm drain in the middle of the playground. Nobody thinks much of it until we hear someone yell.)

Kid: “HEY, THERE’S A POKÉMON CARD IN THERE!”

(Everyone rushes over and looks down. Sure enough, there is a Pokémon card lying face down at the bottom of the storm drain. Every day, for about a month, everyone tries to open the cover or stick things through to try to get the card, but to no avail. One day, everyone is called by the principal into the auditorium for a surprise assembly.)

Principal: “Today I want to talk to you about safety. I have noticed for a while now that everyone seems to be crowding around the storm drain at recess. That is very unsafe, and there is no reason why anyone should try to mess with the cover… because I got the Pokémon card.” *he pulls a worn, crumpled up Pokémon card from his back pocket* “As you can see, it’s just a Pidgey, nothing special.”

(Thinking that this was just a way to get us to stay away from the storm drain, we still looked in to check at recess. The Pokémon card was gone.)

A Leap Of Logic

, , , , | Learning | September 8, 2017

(I teach third grade, and we are talking about diversity. I ask the following question:)

Me: “Which would you hate more: being stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of your life, or having a birthday on the 29th of February?”

(We’d talked about leap years already, and it hadn’t occurred to them that some people might, perhaps, be born then, meaning a birthday celebration only once every four years! Their consensus? The misery of a birthday only every four years was FAR worse than being confined to a wheelchair; after all, wheelchairs were “COOL!”)

That Isn’t How This Home-Works

, , , | Learning | August 30, 2017

(This happens in first grade, on the day after we get our very first homework assignment.)

Student: “Mrs. [Teacher], I gave the homework assignment to my mommy, but she didn’t want to do it.”

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