(My husband has called me back from work because he is excruciating pain. By the time I get home, I can’t find him. I finally track him down in the bathroom, hugging the toilet while expunging his insides. I’m really, really scared at this point because he does not act like this, ever! I finally get him into the car and drive to the emergency room. His pain is increasing and he’s still vomiting. I get to the hospital and am watching for signs that point to the emergency room. Remember, I have never driven anyone to the hospital before, and I am freaking out!)

Husband: “Watch out for the speed bump.”

Me: “I see it; it’s fine.”  

(It was not fine. I hit all five speed bumps too fast, and unevenly, making us rock back and forth, causing my husband to cry out in pain, but I got him into the emergency room. It turned out he had a kidney stone. While laying in bed, he turned to me and told me I was never to drive him to the emergency room again.)

(I am working a 4:00 pm to 1:00 am shift at a very large grocery store chain. We have assistant managers for each department, and one of them plays a prank on the entire store. The store is open 24/7 and third shift comes in at 10:00 pm, with assistant managers taking over for each other a little earlier, but there’s a bit of an overlap with my shift. We have a room that controls security cameras but also has controls for the music that plays on speakers throughout the store. For some reason, third shift managers cannot get into this room. Around 9:00 pm, our department notices something out of the ordinary.)

Me: “Hey, hasn’t this song played before?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I think you’re right. Maybe it’s just a really short loop through the playlist.”

(A couple minutes later.)

Me: “No, this is definitely on its own loop. Somebody put it on repeat. Can we see if a manager can get in there and fix it?” *finding a third shift manager* “Can you get in the control room to change this music?”

Manager: *visibly annoyed* “None of us on third shift have access to the control room. We’re seeing if a manager from another shift can come in to let us in. If not, we’re just going to have to suck it up until morning.”

(No one came in to change the music. From 9:00 pm until 7:00 am, when new managers came in, Justin Bieber’s “Baby” played on repeat. Third had to work their entire shift listening to that song over and over again. Customers also had to endure it all night. Thankfully, we got off at 1:00 am, but it was still really annoying. I’m not sure if the manager who pulled it off was disciplined at all, but it’s by far the most epic prank I’ve experienced in the workplace. Years later, I still know every word to that song.)

(Jazz band class has let out early, so a bunch of us are gathered in the instrument closet, hanging out. The conversation turns to movies.)

Trombone: “The saddest movie moment when I was a little kid was when Mufasa died.”

Me: “Wait, who?”

Trombone: “Mufasa, from The Lion King.”

Me: “Oh. Never seen it.”

Everyone: “What?!”

Trombone: “No way! That movie was my childhood! You must’ve been living under a rock!”

Alto Sax: “Under a rock, under another rock, under the world, under the universe…”

(While he’s talking, one of the vocalists enters the closet and hears our conversation.)

Vocalist: “Why’re you making fun of [My Name)?”

Alto Sax: “Well, we were talking about movies, and–“

Vocalist: “So? Just because she hasn’t seen some movie—”

Alto Sax: “—she hasn’t seen The Lion King.”

Vocalist: *jaw drops* “Under a rock, under another rock…”

(It’s been a year, and they still joke about me living under lots of rocks. And in case anyone is wondering, no, I still haven’t seen “The Lion King.”)

(Overheard while waiting in line to order Chinese food:)

Customer: *at counter* “…and then I’ll have the spring rolls.” *pulling out his credit card* “So, how long ago did you move here from China?”

Employee: “Oh, I’ve been here for 11 years. But I’m actually not from China; I’m from Taiwan.”

Customer: “Really? Then why aren’t you working at a Thai restaurant?”

(I am a 13-year-old girl. My family goes to a small, very relaxed church. They actually advertise that you can wear anything to church; it doesn’t matter. Being a teenager, I wear mostly band shirts and black everything. I’ve heard some grumblings behind my back about what I wear, but I don’t mind too much. There is a couple and their little girl who are fairly new to our church, are obviously well off, and always show up in expensive suits and dresses. They have been nothing but nice to me so far. I help out a lot with the children services during the sermons. It is Easter and everyone is taking pictures, so I have dressed up with a fancy black skirt and light green blouse and done my hair and makeup. I’ve received a lot of compliments about how I look. After pictures, I am in the children’s room playing with the younger ones. The well-off couple’s little girl, who is about four, comes over and touches my hair.)

Little Girl: “Your hair is so soft and pretty!”

Me: “Thank you! I love your hair, too!”

Little Girl: “Yeah, you actually look nice for once!”

(With that, the little girl ran off to play with someone else. I know she was trying to compliment me, and I also know who she heard that from. Don’t underestimate what you say around your kids!)