Me: “IT help line; this is [My Name].”

High-Maintenance User: “Hi, [My Name]. Remember when you did all that work on my computer yesterday? Well, I can’t log in this morning! Did you do something to the network last night?”

IT “doing something to the network last night” is the primary cause of all problems, according to this user.

Me: “Noooo…”

I am already going to unlock the account.

Me: “Let’s get you unlocked here.”

High-Maintenance User: *Frantic typing* “It still won’t let me log in! Did you do something? Let’s just reset my password!”

During this whole time, he is not letting me answer. But if he wants to reset his password, no skin off my nose.

Me: “Okay… the new password is [new password with numbers and letters].”

High-Maintenance User: *Increasingly frantic* “It’s still not working! It’s not… Oh, wait. I had the Number-Lock key off. That’s why I couldn’t log in, to begin with!”

Another satisfied customer… for now.

I’m head lifeguard at an outdoor pool. One of my duties is to make sure the pool is still safe for customers when storms approach. If the lifeguard on duty sees storm clouds, they call me if they don’t see me already heading out, as my house is in view of the pool. I follow very simple guidelines; if I see storm clouds, I announce the risks and warn everyone that the pool may be closing. If I hear thunder, I make a show of evacuating the pool and starting a large clock for fifteen minutes; if no risks are shown by the end of the clock, I allow them back in. If rain starts or I see lightning, the pool is closed for the rest of the shift. If there is another shift scheduled later on in the day, I reevaluate the risk then and reopen if necessary.

This particular day, I see lightning at 1:00 pm and the next shift is from 4:00 pm to 8:00 pm. I’ve been assisting the families with packing up their belongings and watching children as their parents get the cars ready while the lifeguard on duty is cleaning up the office and locking up.

I am shouting as families are finishing up packing cars.

Me: “If the storm has stopped by 4:00 pm today, please feel free to come back! If not, please come back any other day and let us know you were here today for a rain check on the admission fee!”

I start filing the admission forms in the rain check binder when a family van drives up and a mom comes running towards me. The lifeguard is returning equipment to the lockers at this time.

Mom: “I want entry for me and three children.”

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot allow you entry while there is a storm active.”

Mom: “Oh, this little thing will blow over. Give us entry.”

Me: “Ma’am, lightning just struck nearby not ten minutes ago.”

Suddenly, some thunder cracks.

Me: “And that’s thunder right there. Even if it wasn’t raining, that means I couldn’t allow you entry. Please do not make an issue of this. It is for the safety of you and your children.”

Mom: “WELL, GOD WANTS US TO SWIM! A LITTLE RAIN FROM HIM ISN’T A SIGN THAT IT’S DANGEROUS!”

As if on cue, lightning strikes a tree just outside the pool’s premises. The tree is close enough to the equipment lockers that I hear a shriek and rush over, ignoring this woman, to check on my lifeguard. I find her huddled behind all the lockers, shards of bark embedded in the door of HER locker. I immediately take a picture of that door and help this girl into the office to let her calm down. I then turn to the woman and show her the picture.

Me: “Ma’am, God just tried to kill my lifeguard to stop you from swimming. I don’t know what else to tell you, but the pool is closed and will remain closed until I can get someone to look at that tree.”

I closed the office window in her face and shut the blinds. As the gates were already locked, she could do nothing but try to shout at us, but the wind drowned her out.

When she finally calmed down, I ended up driving the lifeguard to a nearby clinic to have her checked out in case she was hurt. She ended up being fine, but the pool was shut down for two weeks as the lightning strike ended up frying out the filtration system.

The crazy mom? She ended up reporting me every day of the shutdown for not letting her kids into the pool.

I work for a bank. We have just had a major flooding event — the third 500-year flood in two years. Unfortunately, a post office roof collapsed, and that particular post office processes most of our mail.

We receive notice that mail will be seriously delayed, and a lot of it was destroyed. We have notices up online and in our lobbies, and we have tried to tell people verbally, back-date payments which may have been mailed during that time, and issue new checks to people who may have been mailed a check during that time. It’s been stressful, to say the least.

Caller: “I mailed a payment check almost a week ago. Why has my account not been updated?”

Me: “I do apologize. The major post office on [Street] had a roof collapse, and our mail has been seriously affected. However, I—”

Caller: “Unacceptable. What are you going to do about this?”

Me: “Well, as I was saying, if you’d like to pay a different method, I can effective date your paym—”

Caller: “No. I want to pay with the check that I mailed. You probably have it and threw it out.”

Me: “I can assure you that I did not. Now, if you pay a different way, I can back-date your payment. If we do get the check, we can shred it—”

Caller: “NO. I demand to be compensated.”

Me: “I’m sorry, compensated how?”

Caller: “Just waive this loan payment for my inconvenience.”

Me: “No, I’m afraid that can’t happen, but there are several other methods of payment that I can help you with, and I assure you there will be no late charge added.”

Caller: “Y’all should have thought better before you used a post office that is just going to collapse with the first little rain.”

Me: “…”

Caller: “Whatever. I’ll just pay online.”

After we hung up, I looked at the loan payment history and realized that every single payment ever has been paid online, this person has never mailed us a check before now, and they are always trying to dispute late payments. I seriously think they saw our mail delay notices and decided now was a good time to get a late fee waived.

I work at a large store. My manager always puts customers before her employees. 

Manager: “[Coworker], did you purposely embarrass a customer?”

Coworker: “How did I embarrass them?”

Manager: “She said you ran her card twice after it had already been declined once. You shouldn’t embarrass people like that.”

Coworker: “I wasn’t trying to embarrass her. I thought it was the machine’s fault.”

Manager: “We literally fixed those machines two days ago! I’m afraid you’ll have to be written up for this.”

My coworker walked away, confused. I know for a fact that my coworker wasn’t trying to be malicious, but at the same time, she’s not the brightest crayon in the box.

I am the manager of the animal department at a pet store. I am ordering animals when someone pages for help to the fish department.

One of the other managers has beaten me to it and I see him going to catch large feeder goldfish for a woman and a small child, probably around three.

I talk to him about what is going on and he admits to not talking to the lady about size requirements and how big these goldfish can get. We ask her what size tank she has and she says it is a two-gallon. The fish she asked him to catch are already about three inches long and would not even be able to move in a two-gallon tank.

Me: “Ma’am, goldfish require a minimum of a thirty—”

Customer: “Just give me the d*** fish.”

Me: “No, ma’am, I cannot do that. They cannot survive in a two-gallon tank.”

Customer: “They are just twenty-cent fish; just give them to me!”

Me: “No, ma’am, they would slowly suffocate and poison themselves with their waste in a slow, painful death. I am not doing that. I don’t generally recommend anything in that small a tank, but you could probably have a female betta in that tank.”

Customer: “My daughter does not want a betta; she wants a goldfish. Are you going to tell her why she can’t have a goldfish?”

Me: “If you really want me to get down on my knees at her level and tell her she can’t have a goldfish because your tank will slowly torture and kill the fish, I will. I don’t feel it is my place to say something like that to a child, but I will if you really want me to.”

Customer: “Are you the manager?”

Me: “I am the manager of this department.”

Customer: “Get me the store manager.”

Me: “Will do.”

As I was leaving, I heard the mom tell her daughter that we were mean and evil and wouldn’t let her have any fish because we were just so mean and wanted to see her cry. I resisted the urge to turn around and tell the little girl that no, her mom just wanted to torture animals and was too cheap to buy her what she needed. I went and got the store manager and told her what happened and what was said. She told me to stay away and calm down.

About ten minutes later, she came back. She refused the sale and had to argue that a twenty-cent life is still a life. The customer tried to say that anywhere else would sell her the fish. The manager told her that company policy for us is no. She left, vowing to call and complain.

My boss and I are sure we were not the first store to tell her no, based on her immediate response to my informing her of goldfish requirements.

Related:
It Doesn’t Get Betta