(It’s been one of those days, and halfway through my shift I get a phone call.)

Me: “Electronics!”

Caller #1: “I need a wireless phone.”

Me: “A cordless handset, as in a house phone?”

Caller #1: “Yeah. It needs to be cordless.”

Me: “Sure, we have plenty! Do you have a specific brand in mind? We have [Brand #1], [Brand #2], [Brand #3]…”

Caller #1: “Wireless.”

Me: “O…kay. Do you have a price range?”

Caller #1: “I need it wireless.”

(At this point I give up. I go and get a price range and tell her they range from $10-$120. She gets fed up for some reason and hands the phone to someone else, claiming that she can’t understand me. This person’s attitude is even more sour!)

Caller #2: “Can they call?!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am……”

Caller #2: “Good.”

(She immediately hangs up. Later, the original caller comes in to the store and asks me the same questions. I show her a phone and I give her the same answers.)

Customer: “Huh… Okay. Well, I’ll just come back then.”

(And then she proceeded to put the box in the wrong spot.)

(I work in a department store’s shoe department. We have a display pair of shoes out on the sales floors for customers to see and we have the boxes for the shoes stored in our stockroom. On this day we have received a shipment of a couple dozen new styles of boots for the fall that I, since I am the only one scheduled on this busy day in the department, have not made displays for yet.)

Me: *notices a woman looking at some of the boots with an unhappy expression and goes up to her* “Hello, ma’am. Are you finding everything you are looking for today, or do you need any help?”

Customer: “Yes. I am looking for a tall, black leather boot that is on the plain side and I’d prefer it to be more dressy. I will be wearing it with leggings so I want it to be more form-fitted to my legs, but I can’t seem to find one like that here or anywhere!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, we did get a shipment of new styles in this morning. Due to us being on the busy side I haven’t had a chance to put them on display yet, but I think they would be exactly what you are looking for. Would you like me to bring them out for you?”

(She nods and tells me the size. I go, pull them from the stock room, and show them to her.)

Customer: “Oh, my God! Those look like exactly what I want!”

(The rest of the interaction goes on with her trying on the shoes and talking about how perfect they would be with all her outfits. It goes very smoothly up until I go to check her out.)

Me: “So these boots are currently on sale for $79.99. I know the price is up there but [Coupon A] would take off 20%, [Coupon B] would take off 30%, and [Coupon C], if you add your $20 top you have in your cart, will take $50 off your entire purchase.”

Customer: *suddenly very agitated* “These boots shouldn’t be coming up for 80 bucks! They should be free!”

Me: *confused* “What do you mean they should be free?”

Customer: *rolling her eyes, with a mocking tone* “They don’t have a display with the price or tickets on them! They are not marked any price. That means they should be free!”

Me: “No, they do not have the price or ticket marking the price. But the ticket does not determine the price of the boots. Our system does, using the barcode on the box.” *points to the barcode with UPC on box* “That is why they are coming up about $80.”

(The customer snatches the box of boots and holds them to her body, gives me a death glare, and starts shouting.)

Customer: “I don’t care what your machine says! They should be free because they aren’t marked the price! Either you give them to me for free or I’m leaving!”

Me: *snatching the box back* “Well, I hope you have a great rest of the day, then!”

(I turned to return the boots to my stockroom. The woman just stood there in stunned silence with her mouth open. After a second she huffed and stomped away, never to be seen in shoes again.)

(I am working at a national chain office supply store. There is a rewards card that gives points for each purchase, which earns special coupons, gift cards, etc. that are sent to the customer’s account. In order to use the rewards, customers have to either print the email or show it on their phone. Customers can look up their accounts on the website and they get email notifications when rewards are sent. It is against company policy for employees to access rewards accounts for customers. A customer is at the checkout, about to pay for furniture she is buying.)

Me: “…and your total is [amount].”

Customer: “Oh, no, I have my rewards card.”

(She hands me her card, and I scan it to apply the points to her account, then hand it back to her. She just stands there for a bit, so I repeat:)

Me: “Your total is [same amount].”

Customer: “What? I gave you my rewards card. Why didn’t the discount apply?”

Me: “Oh, sorry for the confusion. It’s not a discount card. When I scan it, the points from this purchase go to your account.”

Customer: “I know, but I think I have rewards to use.”

Me: “Do you have them with you?”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “NO! You SCANNED the CARD!”

Me: “Right, but the computer doesn’t read what rewards you have available. It just gives you the points from this transaction. If you got an email saying you have rewards to use, you can print it off, or show it on your phone if you have a smartphone.”

Customer: “No, thanks. You can just look it up for me.”

Me: “I’m not authorized to access your account.”

Customer: *smiling like it has suddenly become clear* “OHHH, okay! I authorize you.”

Me: “I mean I’m not allowed to because corporate says so; I could lose my job. And even if I was allowed, this computer isn’t able to do that.”

(It’s a computer that is only connected to the store’s internal network, not the Internet, and it is basically a cash register.)

Customer: “Fine! I’ll just go to [Competitor]!”

(A coworker and I had taken the furniture, which was very heavy, off of a high shelf from the back room and carried it up to the register at this customer’s request, so after she stormed out without buying it, we had to put it back.)

(This happens in the late 80s. I have just bought a house and am having a housewarming party. My friend shows up with her new husband, a guy I’ve never met. I give them a quick tour, including my study.)

Friend’s Husband: *spotting my computer, which is one of the original IBM PCs with two floppy drives* “Is that your husband’s computer?”

Me: “No, it’s mine.”

Friend: *rolling her eyes* “Don’t mind him. He doesn’t think women are intelligent enough to use computers, that’s all.”

Me: *thinking* “How charming.”

(I get busy with host-related stuff. I happen to see my friend and her husband racing out the door as though their a**es were on fire. They don’t even say goodbye.)

Me: “Huh, that’s weird.”

(I didn’t think anything of it until the following day. I went to turn on my computer, and to my horror, it made a terrible grinding noise. I turned it off and investigated. SOMEONE – and I think we all know who – had shoved a floppy disk in backwards. Luckily, there was no permanent damage.)

(Years ago, before my mom became a little more Internet-savvy, this would happen often.)

Me: *shows a funny Youtube video*

Mom: “Who is that?”

Me: “Huh? What?”

Mom: “Who is that? Is it a friend of yours?”

Me: “No, it’s just a video from the Internet. I just wanted to show you because it’s funny.”

Mom: “But how did you get the video if you don’t know the person?”

Me: “It’s just on the Internet. People post stuff online.”

Mom: “Why would they do that?”

Me: “Because they can!”

Mom: “Eh, I don’t think it was very funny.”

Me: “…”

(This also used to happen with pictures of random people on the Internet, much with the same result.)