Mom: “See you later, alligator!”

Me: “After a while, yellow-bellied sapsucker.”

Mom: “WHAT?!”

(When my daughter is very young — around two years old or so — she sometimes has trouble sleeping. Her dad will hold her in one arm, rocking her gently, while using his other hand to play a computer game — “Knights of the Old Republic” is a favorite at the time. She usually goes off to sleep fairly quickly… but not always. One night, my husband has just encountered an enemy in his game. As he prepares to act, a little voice suddenly pipes up:)

Daughter: *with bloodthirsty enthusiasm* “Kill it, Daddy, kill it!”

(My husband switched to reading while rocking her to sleep after that.)

(I have a four-year-old daughter.)

Daughter: “What did you get Mom for Christmas?”

Me: “I’m not telling. You’ll tell her.”

Daughter: “No I won’t!”

Me: “Are you sure you won’t tell her?”

Daughter: “I’m sure.”

Me: “Dishtowels.”

Daughter: “Mom! He got you dishtowels!”

Me: “And that’s why I didn’t tell you what I really got her.”

(This happens when my nephew is barely two years old.)

His Dad: “Can I have a hug goodnight?”

Nephew: “NO. No hugs, no kisses! Go cry!”

When I was thirteen, inline skates were all the rage, so I begged my dad to buy me some. I was a quiet kid, and I never begged, but I really wanted those skates. After a while, he did, along with all the pads to protect my knees, wrists, head, and elbows from injury. 

I put them all on, and for some reason I decided to go to a parking lot which had a slight slope, and try skating down it. I figured the slope was good for beginners. It was a good idea in my mind, but when I actually did it, I sped up, panicked, and tried to stop, but skates are slippery and I couldn’t. I half fell, half rolled down the slope before landing on my face and hands and scraping my palms and cheek. 

My dad, who had been watching, howled with laughter and I sat there, embarrassed and humiliated that it wasn’t as safe and easy as I had thought. He said that I looked like a mess. We went home, and I took off the gear and skates and put it in my closet and never used it again. I stuck to bikes after that. I’m glad that he got me the pads, though, since I definitely would’ve broken something.