Till Password Reset Do Us Part

, , , | Right | July 1, 2010

Me: “Okay, all I need now is the security password you gave us when you opened your account.”

Customer: “No idea.”

Me: *seeing the password is a girl’s name* “Most people choose something or someone familiar…”

Customer: “Lisa? Scott? Elizabeth? Rusty? Oh! Is it my mother’s maiden name?”

Me: “No. I’m just going to check if you’ve left yourself a hint but it takes a second.”

Customer: “Well, there’s just no point in you checking; it has to be one of those names. I never ever use anything else. If I did, I don’t know it. I must have set this years ago. How am I supposed to remember that?”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t one more try? Your hint is ‘wife.’”

Customer: “Emma! Don’t tell her I forgot that!”

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When Judgment Is Clouded

, , , , | Right | May 18, 2010

(We give weather forecast information for Royal Air Force aircrew officers for fast jet flying.)

Caller #1: “Hi, this is flying officer [Caller] with [Squadron]. I need the weather for five hours’ time on the west coast.”

Me: “So, that’s the forecast pressure, wind, and cloud cover?”

Caller #1 : “No, I don’t want the forecast conditions. I want the actual weather for five hours ahead.”

Me: “I can only do actuals for what hasn’t happened, but I can give my best forecast.”

Caller #1: “No, that’s not good enough. I don’t want forecasts. I want to know what’s going to actually happen!”

(Someone else takes the call.)

Caller #2: “Hi, this is [Squadron] navigator. Sorry about that. Can I get the forecast conditions for him, please?”

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A Father’s Love Is Very Console-ing

, , , , | Right | May 4, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, could you give me some advice, please?”

Me: “Sure, how can I help?”

Customer: “I was looking to buy a Nintendo 360 for my son.”

Customer’s Son: “Dad! It’s an Xbox360!”

Customer: *to me* “This is how much help I need. Would you, please?”


This story is part of our Father’s Day roundup.

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To Have And To Hold On To The Remote

, , , , | Right | February 5, 2010

Customer: “I bought a TV from you last week, and one of my friends told me I need a universal remote control for it.”

Me: “Right. Was it a TV off display?”

Customer: “No, a new one in a box.”

Me: “Did you not get one in the box?”

Customer: “Yes, but the wife has that! If she’s sitting on one couch and I’m on the other couch and I want to change the channel, what is she supposed to do, throw it to me?”

Me: “You could ask her to change the channel for you.”

Customer: *chuckles* “That’s not how marriage works, son. I’ll just buy this one.”

Me: “Right, but if you both have a remote then you’ll keep changing the channel on each other and never see a full programme.”

Customer: *chuckles again* “Oh, son, one day you’ll learn how the world works.”

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Mr. Anal And Mrs. Retentive Go To Scotland

, , , , | Right | June 30, 2008

(A South American customer and his wife are browsing in a souvenir shop where I work; note that it’s located in Scotland.)

Customer: “Hey, why do you have mugs here with England written on them? I’m not in England… Why would I buy a souvenir mug with the English flag on it?”

Me: “Well, you don’t have to buy an England one. We have plenty of mugs with Scotland written on them, too.”

Customer: “I can see that! I’m not stupid!”

Me: “I didn’t mean to imply you were, sir.”

Customer: “Well, you did. I just wonder why the h*** anyone would want to buy a knick-knack from a country that has a different country’s name on it. What’s the point?”

Me: “I really don’t know what to tell you. We’ve just always stocked those mugs.”

Customer: “I don’t see the point.” *calls to his wife, who comes over*

Customer: “There are England mugs in a Scotland shop!”

Customer’s Wife: “Wow, that’s really f***ing stupid. What’s the point? Ask the girl.”

Customer: “She doesn’t know. This is so stupid.”

Customer’s Wife: “She’s stupid. ”

(His wife puts down the Loch Ness Monster teddy she is holding and walks out of the shop. He turns back to me.)

Customer: “You should know things like that. You do work here. What’s the point?!”

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