(A customer comes in with his tablet; he’s been having a lot of problems with his eBook account and wants a hand.)

Customer: “Can you please help me get this book onto my account? I bought it the other day but can’t see it. The book in there should be [Christian-based book about Jesus].”

(I go through the app and cannot find any trace of the book.)

Me: “I cannot seem to find the book anywhere. Do you mind if I access your web browser so I can have a look at your settings for your eBook account?”

(The customer had no problem with the gesture. I went to open up the browser. About ten p*rn tabs were already open. I looked up at the old man and quickly exited the browser, as there were customers behind him who probably saw it. He didn’t even looked phased or embarrassed; he just stood there.)

(I work in IT for a large county health department. Recently we began web-based training for all employees on cyber security. A supervisor is using the agency training lab to have our school nurses take the training. I’m there to help the nurses navigate to the training.)

Supervisor: “Now that they are all online, I’m sure I can handle this, though I’m still a little fuzzy on talking about ‘fisting’ emails.”

Me: *pausing a minute* “Do you mean ‘phishing’?”

Supervisor: “Fisting, fishing, whatever…”

(I’m now a bit afraid of what other information this supervisor gave.)

(I am ringing up a customer in his 50s. Because it’s a small store, and it’s midday, I enjoy making small talk with our customers.)

Me: “Your total comes to $19.75, sir.” *without saying dollar*

Customer: “1975, great! That was also a great year.”

Me: “Really? Was that the year you were born?”

(As I am in my late 20s and the customer in his 50s, I know this is impossible, but I am being friendly.)

Customer: “Nope. Even better; it’s the year I lost my virginity!”

(Stunned, not knowing what to say, I handed him his receipt. He just smiled and walked out of the store with his bags.)

(I’m a medical student. My neighbor who is a doctor tells me this story. She has a patient with something stuck.)

Neighbor: “So, you were cleaning the kitchen naked, tripped, and ended up with a carrot up your rectum?”

Patient: *red-faced* “Yes…”

Neighbor: “Honey, I’m a doctor. This is far from the weirdest case I’ve had. I also don’t have the right to comment on people and their experiments.”

Patient: “So, when will I get this out?”

Neighbor: “After the proctologist sees you.”

(I’m working in the white goods department of the electronics store, and I get sent to an old boy in his 60s who wants a microwave. This exchange happens:)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I want this microwave.”

(I choose this point to ask him:)

Me: “Would you like me to take it out to the car for you?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. I have arthritis in both hands, you see.”

Me: “All right, I’ll help you out.”

Customer: “It makes it very difficult to play with yourself.”

Me: “…!”

(I couldn’t help but laugh. At least he had a sense of humour!)