(I’m working the returns desk for a well-known retail chain. We have a strict return policy of 30 days, but we will sometimes bend the rules a bit if a customer is a bit outside the window. I am doing a return for an older female customer who is returning two separate orders.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, since it’s two transactions, I’ll have to do them separately; is that all right?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s okay. Do this one first; it’s older.”

Me: *thinking it’s a few weeks out* “Okay. Let me look at the receipt.”

(I see her receipt is missing the barcode and receipt ID number. Since the customer paid cash, I offer to look up the receipt with her store rewards card, which she agrees to.)

Me: “Hmm, it can’t find your item.”

(I glance at the receipt again and look at the date; the item was purchased over three years ago. Her other receipt was for the previous week.)

Me: “Um, ma’am, I cannot return this item, as it is way outside our return date window.”

Customer: “Oh, well, can’t you just bend the rules? Just this once?”

Me: “If it were a matter of a few days, I might be able to, but this item was purchased three years ago. I cannot take it back.”

Customer: “How about for store credit?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this rule is from our corporate office, and I cannot do any sort of refund or exchange, even for store credit.”

Customer: “But I never used it!”

Me: “I understand, but that is the rule. The computer won’t even find your purchase outside of the return date window. I can do your other return, as it is still in date, but not this one.”

Customer: “But I never used it! Just give me store credit!”

Me: “Again, ma’am, I cannot give you any refund or exchange for this—”

Customer: “BUT I NEVER USED IT! THIS IS RIDICULOUS! I can’t wear these shoes; they don’t fit!”

(The man behind her in line has had enough.)

Customer #2: *mumbling* “And it took you three years to figure that out?”

([Customer] immediately shuts up and lets me do her other return. She is still screaming about “never using” her item as she leaves. I turn to help the next customer.)

Customer #2: “Are people really that stupid?”

Me: “I wish I could say that was a first, sir.”

(I work in a store in a new department that they just opened. The store is now bigger with this new department, but the storage area is not, so we put the merchandise that we can’t place on the racks in shelves just on top. A woman has an item in her hand and is looking at our shelves with determination…)

Me: “Hi there. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need this item—” *pointing to the one in her hand* “—do you have more up there?”

Me: *looking on the rack, there are about five of them right in front of her* “Well, I know that there are those ones, and maybe two or three more up there. How many do you need?”

Customer: “Only one.”

Me: *confused* “Do you need another color than that?”

Customer: “No! Only one just like that!“

Me: “Okay? Is this one broken?”

Customer: *yelling* “Oh, you don’t understand!”

(She then left without the item… I still don’t understand.)

(I work in a store that makes balloon displays. A customer has ordered a large quantity of balloons and I’m packing them into bags. It’s quite clear there are still plenty of balloons to be packed because they’re behind the till. It’s hailing heavily outside and the customer is already irate because he needs to get the balloons safely home.)

Me: *passes one bag to customer* “Here’s the first bag. I’ll just pack up the rest.”

Customer: “Thank you!”

(I turn around to open up another carrier bag. When I turn back, the customer is gone. I look at my colleague, confused.)

Me: “Where did he go?”

Colleague: “He went out the door. Run after him!”

(I have a lung condition and cannot go sprinting after the customer, especially not in the cold and hail, and I also have another customer waiting. When they realise this, my colleague runs after the customer, but cannot find him. An hour later, the phone rings. It’s the same customer.)

Customer: “I bought some balloons earlier and you only gave me half of them! I need the rest right now!”

Me: “With respect, I explained that the bag only contained half the balloons, and you left before I had the chance to give you the rest.”

Customer: “It’s not my fault; it’s yours! I’m not coming back into town, so you need to bring the balloons to my house right now or my party will be ruined!“

(To dispel the situation, my manager ended up driving out of town to the customer’s house, dropping the balloons off, and apologising for my “bad service” because “the customer is always right.” I really hope the balloons deflated.)

(I work at a big box electronic retailer in their IT division. I’m helping a 16-year-old girl and her father. They are here to pick up the girl’s computer after a repair that did not require a data backup.)

Me: “Okay, your computer is fixed.” *shows that damage has been repaired*

Girl: “What about my pictures? Are my pictures there?!”

Me: “Yes, this was a damaged keyboard; it didn’t affect your data in any way.”

Girl: *in the most dramatic, panicked, voice you can imagine* “I don’t believe you! Where are my pictures?! Why aren’t you showing me my pictures?!”

Me: “Okay, calm down.”

(I turn the laptop on, click on the pictures directory, and click on a random picture to bring it up. The randomly-chosen picture happens to be of a young, muscular man, fully nude, holding an enlarged portion of his anatomy that is larger than what is considered average.)

Me: “Woah!”

(I turn the laptop around to face my side of the counter as not to expose other customers. One of my coworkers turns and notices the image I have just turned in his direction.)

Coworker: “WHOA!”

(I alt-F4 faster than I have ever alt-F4ed in my life.)

Father: “Was that…?”

Girl: *stunned silence*

Me: “I don’t know; I didn’t see anything”

Father: “Thank you.”

(He put $100 on the counter for a $30 repair, closed the laptop lid, and walked away with his mortified daughter in tow. We bought chicken wings for the whole team. We still talk about it to this day.)

(An elderly woman is paying for her purchase with a credit card. I help her swipe her card through the reader and prompt her to sign on the screen with the stylus. She is having some difficulty.)

Customer: *shaking the stylus* “This pen must be out of ink; it won’t write.”

Me: “It doesn’t use ink, ma’am. You need to keep your signature within the box.” *pointing at the box on the screen*

(She managed to make some illegible squiggles in the box. I handed her her receipt and wished her a pleasant afternoon. I giggled inside because I’m pretty sure she thought her shaking the stylus for ink is what made her signature appear.)