Speaking The Bare Condom-minimum

, , , , | Right | May 27, 2021

I have just started a new job as a stocker in a popular chain store. So far, I’ve mostly worked one department while occasionally jumping into other departments. The one department I’ve worked the most is Health/Beauty and Cosmetics. Even though I’m only been here three weeks, I’ve gotten the area down. One day, during my third week here, I am stocking some shampoos when a customer comes up to me.

Customer: “Do you have male gloves?”

Me: “Yes, what kind of gloves are you looking for?”

I think he’s looking for automotive gloves or gardening gloves.

Customer: “No, no. Male gloves.”

What the h*** else would be ‘male gloves’? I have a very confused look on my face.


He points to his pants. Sometimes I can’t catch onto things, so I still look confused.

Customer: *Sighs* “You know, condoms?!”

Me: “Oh, yeah! They’re just a couple aisles over in the cosmetics section.”

Who the h*** says, “Male gloves,” for condoms?

Me: “You could have said that; there’s no shame here.”

Customer: “I didn’t want to make it weird.”

Well, congratulations. You did!

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New Beer’s Eve

, , , , | Right | May 26, 2021

It’s New Year’s Eve, which happens to fall on a Sunday this year. In Texas, you cannot sell alcohol before noon. I spend most of my morning telling people that they can’t buy alcohol at the moment. Most of them understand and politely give me their beverages or wait.

It’s about ten minutes until noon and an older man with a younger woman approaches the self-check carrying some beer.

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but you can’t buy the beer right now. If you wish, you can wait until noon to buy it. It’s only a few minutes.”

Customer: “Why can’t I get it now?”

Me: “It is state law that no one is allowed to buy alcohol on Sundays before noon, sir.”

Customer: “That’s just stupid!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s the law.”

Irritated, the customer puts down the beer and storms out. It hits noon and we get very busy. I’m running around helping people when I notice out of the corner of my eye that the man has returned. I’m helping another customer when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn my head and, lo and behold, it’s the man gesturing to the self-check he is at.

Me: “I will be with you in a second.”

I finished helping the customer I was with. I helped him and ran off to another customer just to feel another tap on my shoulder. I looked again and it was the same man telling me that someone needed help. I nodded and went back to the person I was helping.

I get that people want their beer and wine to ring in the New Year, but there is no need to be rude about something I can’t even help. When I help customers I’d try to do in a way so someone isn’t waiting for a long time, I would’ve eventually gotten to him and the other person; he did not have to touch me.

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I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 38

, , , , | Right | May 26, 2021

I am shopping at a local large retail store. I don’t think I am dressed as an employee, as they all wear blue vests, and I’m not wearing one. I hear loud coughing behind me and ignore it. Then, I get the feeling that I’m being watched. A woman comes into my peripheral vision and coughs loudly again. Seconds later, she full-on glares at me. 

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Finally! Yes, you can help me find the pregnancy tests?!”

Me: “I don’t work here, but I assume they’re with the condoms.”

Customer: “Don’t you dare sass me! I am a customer!”

Me: “Lady, I am a customer, too! I don’t work here!”

She storms off, only to come back with a tired-looking employee. 

Employee: “I need your name and employee number.”

Me: “I don’t work here!”

Customer: “Liar! I saw her put that doll back!”

Me: “I am shopping for a present for my niece!”

Employee: “Oh, do you not work here today?”

Me: “I don’t work here at all!

A supervisor is called over, and I explain the situation to her. She looks confused, then amused, and she turns to the employee and customer.

Supervisor: “[Employee], this woman does not work here. And you don’t have the authority to punish anyone. You’re still in your probation period. And [Customer], don’t harass other customers. This is the second time you’ve been warned about your behavior. Next time, it will be a temporary ban. I’m so sorry, miss. [Employee], come with me.”

The woman gave me a look that would freeze over Hell and stormed away. The employee simply looked embarrassed as he followed the supervisor away.

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 37
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 36
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 35
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 34
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 33

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In Line And Out Of Line, Part 19

, , , , , , | Right | May 26, 2021

On a very busy summer Saturday, this customer comes into the store with a leg brace on. She seems to have a slight hobble but is otherwise fine. She wanders around the store for three hours. When she is ready to check out, our line is to the back of the store. She comes to me at my register.

Customer: “Hi. I only have one item, and my leg is killing me. I just broke it last week and I really shouldn’t be standing on it. Is there a way I can jump the line?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately, you will have to stand in line and wait your turn. We are getting through the line as quickly as we can, so it should only take less than ten minutes.”

Customer: “I don’t think you’re understanding me. I am injured and need accommodations. I only have one item.”

Me: “I do understand. We just don’t have any accommodations that would let you check out at this very moment. You are more than welcome to put your item on hold in the Fitting Room and come back later! We’ll hold anything until the end of the business day.”

Customer: “Well, what about that sign you have over your register?”

I’m currently at a register that has a handicap sign above it, stating that the register accommodates people in wheelchairs and must remain open at all times.

Me: “That sign just means that the counter and PIN pad are low enough for a customer in a wheelchair to use without needing help. It does not mean that you get to cut in line to use it.”

Customer: “Why would you have a register for disabilities if you’re not even going to use it properly? People should be able to come to this register if they can’t stand in line!”

I don’t know about anyone reading this, but I’ve never heard of a store having a register specifically for disabled or injured customers to cut the line.

Me: “I apologise for the inconvenience, but you’re just going to have to wait or put your item on hold and come back later.”

Customer: “You’re not being very accommodating right now! It’s only one item. I don’t understand what the big deal is.”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’am, but the accommodations that we have for disabled people are currently in place and working just fine. I have given you all the options we have to help you, but—”

Customer: “So you’re not going to help me? You’re refusing to help an injured customer? I bet social media will be all over you for that. I bet when I go back to the doctor tomorrow for my checkup, he’ll tell me the damage to my leg got worse because you wouldn’t help me.”

She is holding up my register. My current customer ran off as soon as they had their receipt, and I can’t call my next customer without pushing her away. I’m fuming at her accusations, but I manage to talk through gritted teeth.

Me: “Ma’am, if I’m not mistaken, you’ve been shopping for the last three hours. If you can stand on a broken leg for that long, you can manage another ten minutes.”

Probably not the best thing to say, but it shuts her up for a minute at least.


Me: *Gesturing to the long line of patient customers behind her* “You may cut the line if every single person in it agrees to let you. Good luck with that.”

As if on cue, the customer at the front of the line — who happens to be in a wheelchair, to top it off — proceeds to move forward to my register and nearly hits the woman’s injured leg.


The woman called me a b**** before saying she was calling corporate and leaving, slamming her top on the counter, and pushing her shopping cart into my security guard. The customer in the wheelchair ended up buying her top!

In Line And Out Of Line, Part 18
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 17
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 16
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 15
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 14

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Revenge Of The Generation Gap

, , , | Right | May 25, 2021

I work at a local game store; we sell card games, board games, comics, and collectibles. A youngish customer comes in; he can’t be older than twenty.

Me: “Hi there, how’s it going? Anything we can help you find today?

Customer: “Hi, you have Star Wars posters?

Me: “Probably! Look on the wall to your right there, and there are more in the bin by that pillar.”

The customer goes off to go look and comes back a few minutes later with a game and its expansion, but no poster.

Me: “You find everything okay?

Customer: “Yeah. You don’t have any older Star Wars posters, do you?

Me: “The oldest we would probably have is something from the original movies.

Customer: “Not something from like, Revenge of the Sith or Attack of the Clones?”

Me: “…”

Those are OLD?!

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