My last job had us enter the customers’ phone numbers to retrieve their information to save their purchases. It was very tiring because either they would refuse and get angry, or they would tell me the wrong phone number, insisting it was the right phone number.

Almost every time, this would happen. 

Me: “Hello, what’s your phone number?”

Customer: “It’s 555-5555.”

I check to see if it’s in the system.

Me: “I’m sorry, but that number isn’t in the system. You said it was 555-5555?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s the number I always use!”

Me: “I’m sorry, it’s not in there. Could it possibly be a different phone number?”

Customer: “No! There’s something wrong with your system, or they deleted it!”

Me: “Can I try your email to try and find it?”

The customer gives an email.

Me: “I found it. It’s under the phone number 555-7523; can we change that?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah!” *Laughs* “I haven’t used that number in years!”

My mother worked for a small mom-and-pop shop, and she learned retail work there until she opened her own little shop in another town.

She got trained by a sweet lady who retired while my mother was still working there but came in every now and then to help out and to add to her very small pension. [Sweet Lady] was a kind person whom everyone on the staff loved, including the manager/owner whom she also trained. She was pretty much the heart, soul, and some other parts of that store, even at the age of seventy-ish when this story took place.

As can happen with old people, one day, [Sweet Lady] felt dizzy and had some chest pain, and people were worried she was having a heart attack. An ambulance was called. Ambulances don’t give two f***s about parking spaces, so they just parked their huge ambulance right in front of the store, which is sensible when every moment counts.

My mom was working the register, so she heard what was going on at the entrance. Cue entitled person.

Customer: “What’s that contraption out there? I could barely get into the store!”

Manager: “Lady, my apologies, but one of our workers has a medical emergency.”

Customer: “A worker? Pffft. If it was at least a customer, but a worker?! Why can’t they get sick on their own time, right?”

Manager: *After swallowing his tears* “Please leave my store while you still can. One ambulance a day is enough.”

For the record, it was just some irregularity with [Sweet Lady]’s heartbeat, and she left the hospital the same day, no heart attack. She lived to the age of eighty-three, and the store was closed on the day of her funeral. There was no staff available to run it; they were busy elsewhere, including the owner.

Related:
Your Entitlement Has Reached Platinum Level! 

A customer at the checkout is moaning about using their debit card.

Customer: “Why can’t you just override the debit machine so I don’t have to put my PIN in?”

Me: “Sir, would you want me to be able to?” 

Related:
PIN-Headed, Part 24
PIN-Headed, Part 23
PIN-Headed, Part 22
PIN-Headed, Part 21
PIN-Headed, Part 20

I am talking to a customer during the world health crisis.

Customer: “I’m so paranoid about catching it! I need to protect myself!”

They’re saying all this while their mask is under their nose, moist, falling apart, covered in makeup, and so old it’s starting to become see-through…

Customer: “That should be 50% off!”

Me: “The sale sign says, ‘up to 50% off.’ This item is just 10% off.”

Customer: “That’s deceptive, and you know it! I want it 50% off!”

Me: “If it was just small fine print on the sign saying that, I’d agree with you, but the ‘up to’ is the same size text as the ‘50% off’ on the sign, so it’s pretty clear to me.”

Customer: “I bet your manager will give me the discount!”

Me: “My manager won’t give you a discount just because you misread a sign. That would be like someone saying they misread the sign as ‘free’ and then demanding the item for free.”

Customer: “Well then, maybe I will for all the sass you’re giving me!”

I point to another sign, behind me. 

Me: “You see those names and stars on the wall?”

Customer: “Yeah? What about them?” 

Me: “Every time a customer complains about one of us following a policy set by the manager, to said manager, she rewards us with a star. If we get ten stars, we get a $50 gift voucher for putting up with customers making unrealistic demands.” 

Customer: “…”

Me: “Please make me call the manager. I have nine stars, and I need a new toaster.”