A customer is looking to get home wifi. She lives on a farm in a rural area, so we’re making sure we can cover her.

Me: “It looks like we should be able to get you set up at that address!”

Customer: “That’s great! But, uh… what about the wind? It’s super windy where I am.”

Me: “I don’t understand why that would be an issue, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, I was told that when it’s windy, it blows the wifi away.”

This is not the first time a customer has come to me with this misconception. Usually, an explanation as to how electromagnetic signals work confuses them further, so I just tell them the wifi comes from the box inside the house, so the wind wouldn’t affect it. I try this, but it doesn’t prove as effective as it has in the past:

Customer: “But it gets super windy sometimes! And I want to be able to use my wifi in the garden when I’m doing my gardening.”

Me: “The wind won’t affect the signal, ma’am.”

Customer: “But I was told that it would.”

Me: “With respect, ma’am, whoever told you that is wrong.”

Customer: “How do you know?”

F*** it. Let’s go full science on this.

Me: “The wind would have to be going appreciably close to the speed of light, in order to cause air particles to give off radiation, which is what would interfere with the wifi signal. At these speeds, your router would be obliterated due to sandblasting, and the signal disruption would be a… secondary issue.”

Customer: “…oh, well, I don’t think it gets that windy out on the farm. I should be okay then!”

I had the opposite experience from this story. 

My then girlfriend and I were buying breakfast after a big night out, the total came to about $17, and she gave the cashier a $50. The cashier counted out $23 in change.

Before she could hand it over, I said:

Me: “She gave you a $50, you’ve shorted us by $10.”

Cashier: “No, you gave me $40.”

Girlfriend: “Why would I give you two $20’s for a $17 meal?”

The cashier ‘uhmed’ and ‘ahhed’ for a second, then gave us the extra $10. 

Twenty-something years later, I’m still not sure if she was trying to scam us or just more hungover than I was.

Customer: “I want to use my [Store] points for this purchase.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, [Store] points are no longer an active campaign.”

Customer: “I’ve done it before!”

Me: “I’m afraid that’s not an active campaign anymore.”

Customer: “Well, you should let me use them today! Show some customer loyalty! I’ve been a frequent customer here for fifteen years!”

Me: “Great, so you know our policies, and you know the rewards points system was cancelled years before I even started working here.”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager! I still had points on my card, and I want that as a discount!”

They get our best manager, as in the one who takes no customer BS.

Manager: “So you’re claiming I should let you get a discount due to being a loyal and frequent customer, but the last time you shopped here was when we were still doing reward points? That was changed seven years ago. How frequently are you shopping here?”

The customer argued more, but after the manager explained that customers were told a year in advance that the points system was being cancelled and had that much time to spend them, the customer gave up.

A woman is standing outside the store with two small children, around the ages of five to seven years old. Her two kids come inside, standing by the door. Her son locks our doors so his mom can’t come back in.

Me: *To the kid.* “Please don’t do that.”

We got the door unlocked, and when the mom came back in, I said:

Me: “Ma’am, you need to pay attention to your kids.”

Woman: *Snaps back.* “His sister was watching him!”

I try to go back to the store, and she comes in and confronts me.

Woman: “Did you yell at my son?!”

Me: “I didn’t yell at him. I simply told him not to lock our doors.”

Woman: “No, you did! You did yell at my son, you unprofessional b****!”

Me: “Again, I didn’t yell at your son. You should have been watching your kids, and your son should never have locked our doors.”

Woman: “His sister was watching him! I don’t need to pay any attention to him if his sister is watching him!”

Me: “Ma’am, you need to leave, because you’re yelling at me and cussing in front of customers and kids, including your own.”

Real classy cussing in front of your kids, lady.

A customer has bought a $500 household appliance plus delivery.

Customer: “Why is this costing more?”

Me: “The delivery fee is $20, ma’am.”

Customer: “You should waive that for me.”

Me: “Why?”

Customer: “As a way of showing appreciation for a paying customer!”

Me: “But if you don’t pay… you’re not a customer.”

Customer: “No… I… but I am paying!”

Me: “Excellent! So, $520, please.”

Customer: “I… I… but…”

I think I broke her.