Logical Arguments Can Be A Drag

, , , , , | Related | November 10, 2017

(I am with my precocious toddler in a store. He really doesn’t want to be there, and in a sign of protest, he decides to sit down on the spot. I have to resort to dragging him through the store, literally.)

Me: *gesturing to the other well-behaved children in the store* “You do realize that you’re the only child that has to be dragged through the store?”

Child: “You do realize that you’re the only parent that has to drag their child?”

Deaf Jam

, , , , , , | Working | November 10, 2017

(At the store where I work, one of our overnight stockers is profoundly deaf. He usually works with another stocker who is partially deaf and can sign for him. One day, the other stocker is out sick, and the delivery that day is very large so the stockers are kept late and  are therefore still in the store when it opens. I’m working one aisle over from the deaf stocker when I hear a customer making a commotion.)

Customer: “Hello! HELLO! HEY! STOP IGNORING ME, YOU IDIOT!”

(I hurry over to see her standing behind the stocker, who is working on something and hasn’t noticed her there.)

Me: “Excuse me, can I help you?”

Customer: “No! This jerk is ignoring me! I want him to show me where the jam is and he won’t answer me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can show you. It’s right over this way.”

Customer: “No! I want him to do it! Make him do it! Why is he ignoring me!?”

Me: “Ma’am, he is deaf. He can’t hear you and hasn’t seen you.”

(At this point, the stocker finally turns around. He waves hello and tries to go about his work, but the customer jumps in front of him and starts speaking in a very loud, exaggerated manner.)

Customer: “Where! Is! Jam! Show! Me! Jaaaam!”

Me:Ma’am. He cannot understand you. I can show you where the jam is.”

Customer: “No! I want him to do it. It’s the principle of the thing! He spent so long ignoring me, and now I will make him acknowledge me! He’s deaf, so he can read lips, so of course he can understand me!”

Me: “No, ma’am, he can’t read lips. Please, let me show you to the jam.”

(The customer keeps insisting that the deaf stocker be the one who helps her, so I give up and call over the manager, who knows some very limited sign language. He comes over, listens to what the customer has to say, and signs a short phrase to the stocker. The stocker signs something simple back, and walks off.)

Manager: “Ma’am, he says he didn’t mean to ignore you, and he’s very sorry he couldn’t understand you, but he only lip-reads in Spanish. Now, I’ll show you where the jam is.”

(After the customer has left I ask what he really signed.)

Manager: “I just told him to go work in another aisle. To the best of my knowledge, [Stocker] doesn’t understand a word of Spanish, either lip-read or written. I just figured that would be the best way to get the customer to let someone else help her without more of a scene. But d***, do I wish I could ban people like her from the store.”

Cannot Perceive The Depth Of Their Stupidity

, , , , , , , | Right | November 10, 2017

(I work in a small store with a pharmacy in the back. As a veteran employee, my store manager occasionally leaves me in charge while she runs short errands. It’s just before lunch time, and the store is dead, so my manager leaves to get decorating supplies for the summer season. A little while later, a woman comes limping in with a companion, and comes straight up to the front desk where I am. Note that our store is in an area with a BIG shoplifting problem, where other stores have had to shut down just from the theft alone.)

Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to return these.”

(She pulls two identical pairs of brand-new over-the-counter reading glasses out of her purse, which retail at $25 each, our most expensive variety.)

Me: “All right, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: *glares at me*No! I bought these just last month! When I put them on I started seeing double and fell down the stairs! I have been in the hospital for three weeks with a broken foot! The doctor told me the glasses made me develop a condition called ‘Depth Perception!’ I could have died! You should be ashamed of yourself for selling faulty glasses like that!”

(She begins leaning on her companion for physical support and moaning in pain.)

Me: *struggling to not make a face at the customer’s “diagnosis”* “I see, ma’am. Let me get a scanner and look at your purchase.”

(I bring over an internal scanning unit and check the UPC number on the glasses. Not only have we not sold any for the last six weeks, but we don’t carry this particular type of glasses. However, the store down the road does. I excuse myself, saying I need to verify the current price of the glasses for the customer, and walk back to the pharmacy so I’m out of earshot. I call [Neighbor Store], which is two miles away, and they confirm they are missing several pairs of these glasses. Since my manager is out of the store, I make a judgement call and return to the front. All of this has taken five minutes. When I get back, the customer has dragged a chair over from our photo department and sat down at my register.)

Customer: “Well, finally! We’ve been waiting forever!”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am. Unfortunately, it looks like we don’t carry this item. You will have to return them to the store you purchased them from.”

Customer: “I got them at [Neighbor Store]. Your company policy says I can return them anywhere!”

(The customer moans in pain, rubbing her upper calf. I notice this is the opposite foot from the one she indicated when she came in the store.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s true for the items carried by all our stores. For items carried by select stores, those items must be returned to a store that carries the merchandise, so they can either resell the items or receive credit from the vendor. If I accept this refund, we can neither sell the item, nor return it for credit, as it’s not recognized by our system.”

Customer: “I can’t go all the way down there! I have a broken foot! I can’t even drive right now! My neighbor brought me here and we don’t have the gas to get to the other store!”

(As she says this, she’s groaning in “distress.”)

Me: “I really am sorry, ma’am. Even if I could return these glasses, without a receipt, I would have to give you store credit, and I don’t have access to the cards to do that at the moment.”

Customer: *suddenly livid, no longer faking an injury* “WHERE’S YOUR MANAGER?! I WANT TO TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “She stepped out of the store for a few minutes, but she should be back shortly. Would you like to wait outside for her? You can leave the glasses here, if you like; that way, if she can override the refund, we can do it without you even getting out of the car again.”

(At this point, I’m just stalling for time. I know there’s no way in heck my manager is refunding these. The customer obviously thinks she’s going to win the argument when the manager returns.)

Customer:Fine! I’ll leave them here. Make sure no one takes them. I’m already going to sue you guys for my hospital bills.”

(She hobbles out of the store in a very exaggerated fashion, leaning on her neighbor. I move the glasses behind the counter where the customer will not be able to reach them. About ten minutes later, my manager comes back. The customer ambushes my manager while she’s still on the sidewalk.)

Customer:You! You need to fire that worthless cashier! She won’t refund my glasses!”

(She gives her entire explanation again, including the doctor diagnosing her with “Depth Perception.”)

Manager: “Did you forget that I filed a criminal trespass against you for shoplifting? You aren’t allowed to be anywhere on the property, including the parking lot. Go away, or I’m having you arrested.”

Customer: “BUT SHE STILL HAS MY GLASSES! GIVE THEM BACK TO ME OR I’LL SUE YOU INTO THE POOR HOUSE!”

Manager: “You mean the glasses that [Neighbor Store] has you on camera shoving in your purse before walking out the front door? No. We’ll be keeping those as evidence. I look forward to seeing you at the trial.”

(The customer keeps trying to argue, so my manager takes out her cell phone and dials the police, showing the customer the screen. The customer then takes off RUNNING and gets into her car, speeding out of the parking lot. The manager comes back into the store.)

Me: “How did you know she stole them? I just had a suspicion. I was waiting for you to come back and shut her down.”

Manager: “She came in last week, and the week before, with the exact same story. It was literally word for word what she just told me now. Plus, she’s been going around to three of our stores in a ten-mile area and doing the same thing.”

Me: “You know, if she’d bothered to look up an actual medical condition, I might have believed her. I mean, almost everyone has depth perception. It’s why we have two eyeballs!”

Manager: “Well, you can’t accuse her of a lack of creativity. Most people just claim the stolen goods were something their ‘grandma bought and no longer needs.'”

(This was over three years ago, and we still laugh about it. The customer was later arrested and found guilty of felony theft. Apparently, she didn’t learn her lesson and kept at it until someone caught her again.)

Gunning For A New Way To Say That

, , , , | Right | November 10, 2017

(I’m pushing a metal cart around when suddenly I hear a customer start yelling.)

Customer: “GUN! GUN!”

(I quickly stop and look around, along with many other customers whose looks range from confused to panicked. Then, a customer walks up to me with my scanner in his hand.)

Customer: “Your scan gun fell off; I yelled so you could hear me over the noise of your cart.”

Me: *after a moment of regaining my composure* “Uh, thanks, but do you think next time you could do something other than yell, ‘Gun!’ in a crowded store?”

Customer: “Oh… Oh, dear. That wasn’t the smartest thing, huh?”

Me: “I’d certainly say not, no.”

A Self-Serving Why

, , , , , | Right | November 9, 2017

(I am serving at the returns desk. To the far end of the tills is a staff-only area where we sort out the clothing into appropriate sections, sort lost property, etc. All floor staff need access to this area and, as such, often walk back and forth behind the tills whilst tidying up.)

Customer: “I don’t understand why people keep walking behind you; they should be on the tills serving so I don’t have to wait so long.”

Me: “Unfortunately, for security reasons, not all staff are allowed on the tills. Each till is only operated by one person, because if multiple people used the same till money could be stolen and the store wouldn’t be able to tell who it was. Therefore, those people are not allowed to use these tills.”

Customer: *irate* “Yes, yes, yes I get that. But I still don’t understand why they can’t serve me.”

(I had to grit my teeth not to point out I had just told her why.)

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