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A collection of stories curated from different subreddits, adapted for NAR.

A Different Kind Of Anti-Vax Rant

, , | Right | CREDIT: AdoptsDEATHsCats | September 23, 2020

I’ll start by saying anyone has been around as long as I have will recognize this is an old story because the VAX was one of the big mainframe computers, not one that took an entire room, but a good portion of one. Relevant to the story is the fact that the software for these computers was put on reel to reel tapes that were shipped to the customers.

I work for a company that manufactures software for these computers and it is quite easy for a bug in the software to cause the computers to crash. I take a support call:

Caller: “Your software crashed our system!”

This is how the caller announces himself, so immediately I do the apologetic that’s so awful and I’m so sorry, etc.

Me: “Could you tell me where you loaded the software?”

Caller: “I walked into the computer room and set it on top of the computer and the whole system went down.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Caller: “I sent the tape reel on top of the computer and it crashed! You crashed my VAX!”

Me: “Could I have you hold just a moment please, sir?”

I mute my headset and start laughing. My coworker next to me notices.

Coworker: “What’s happening?”

Me: “Apparently we crashed this guy’s computer by osmosis.”

Coworker: “How?!”

Me: “We apparently are that powerful. Merely touching our software to the outside of the system caused the entire system to die.”

I return to the customer and give him instructions on how to send us his crash log of what was happening when the system went down. Spoiler alert: Our software was not the cause of the problem.

Giving Them A Grand Opening To Exit Peacefully

, , , | Right | CREDIT: macsmith230 | September 23, 2020

Customer: “I was in here a few weeks before and gotten shorted on one of my carryout meals. We were leaving town and we didn’t notice until we had driven too far to come back for it, Can you please give me another meal to make up for it.”

Me: “I’ll need to check with the owner for that.”

The owner is nearby so I call him over and ask the customer to repeat the story. The owner asked him to verify that it was a couple of weeks before, which the customer does.

Owner: “I see. I want to know if you noticed the ‘Grand Opening’ sign on the building as you walked in, as we’ve only been open for two days.”

He comments as he quickly slouches his way back out:

Customer: “I… have not noticed the sign. Maybe he was thinking of a different restaurant…”

The Time 911 Called Me

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: EisConfused | September 23, 2020

Please note that at the time of this story I was running on hope and caffeine, and had been awake for thirty hours, so some details might have changed due to my recollection.

It is the winter of 2018. I work at a call center for a power and natural gas company. The worst polar vortex storm the state has seen in ages hits us, with temperatures frequently hitting -25 or below for over a week.

Even the waffle houses closed; waffle houses are so reliable FEMA uses something called “the waffle house index” to rate disasters!

I was living close enough to work that they called me in a few times and all hours of the day over the weeks because the number of people who could arrive safely is small.

At the beginning, our queue could be over 500 people. By day three it is mostly just shouting that we need to reconnect their power before anyone else because of any number of reasons, none of which changed the reality that we couldn’t do that. The power grid is like a vascular system. If the end of the line isn’t getting blood it isn’t because the immediate juncture is stopped up. This is compounded by weather and reconnection surges frying an entire second batch of equipment and causing a second wave of outages.

Me: *Taking a call* “Thank you for calling [Power Company], my name is [My Name]; how may I help you today?”

Caller: “I’m not sure you can help, please let me know if you need to get a supervisor. My name is [Caller’s Name] and I am with [Major cellular company]. We donate facilities to be used as 911 relays and switchboards, and the 911 branch in Minnesota town has a problem. See, we have generators and fuel, but only enough for 86 hours. We are currently at about 76 hours without power. We have a fuel delivery being made on an emergency basis tomorrow after they will have been out of power for about 90 hours. With this weather, we need to remain active so our last-ditch hope was to contact you guys and see what can be done.”

I am staring blankly at the address search screen trying to process this.

Me: “Well… let me put you on hold for just a second, I want to see if we have a protocol for… this. Can I get the address of your building?”

Caller: “Oh yeah, absolutely, ask around! Anything that may help. Our address is [Very Minnesota road in very mid-west town].”

At this point, I just mute and ask the girl next to me what the h*** I do. The supervisors are beyond busy, sometimes even taking calls themselves, but she had worked there for six years and just gave me a blank stare for a moment.

Supervisor: “Huh, that’s new, call dispatch I guess. It is an emergency. Several actually.”

I hop on the line, check to make sure an order to investigate the outage is already there, check-in with the caller and get his callback line, all that, then call dispatch.

Dispatch: “Dispatch, what’s the issue?”

Me: “So I know we don’t prioritize who gets reconnected b—”

Dispatch: “Ya d*** right we don’t!”

Me: “Yes I understand that, but I have a fellow from 911 on my line. He says they’ve exhausted their options for keeping the lights on themselves. They won’t get fuel for the generator until they’ve been offline for several hours. That town was hit some of the worst, the last thing they need is to not be able to contact emergency services.”

There is a long pause.

Dispatch: “Okay, I need to put you on hold.”

I hear a bunch of shouting into different rooms because he didn’t put me on hold or even mute me. The dispatcher’s boss gets on the line.

Dispatch Boss: “This is [Dispatch Boss], I hear you’ve got 911 on your line?”

We go back and forth, I bring the cell rep into the call and hop around in the system getting our protocol stuff done, and letting my team lead know what’s going on. I never heard about the issue again, so I have to assume it worked out.

Honestly, I think that dispatch actually giving a hoot was more surreal than being called by 911. Those guys always sound like every request you make is like squeezing lemon juice in their eyes.

Hats Off To Their Attempt To Get A Discount

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: AStaticDynamic | September 22, 2020

This was my first experience in retail where I learned what many customers would be like.

Seasons are changing, so we put a lot of shirts we have to get rid of in the front and mark them 50% off. I am working the register when a woman comes up to buy her things. I ring her up and can see a look on her face like something is wrong.

Customer: “Why is this so much?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “This should only be $10, not $20.”

I think that maybe her item is on sale, so I ask if she could point out the sign because I’m not aware of it. It is a small store and we don’t have to walk anywhere.

Customer: “This sign here.”

Me: “This sign says that all shirts are 50% off.”

Customer: “Yes, so why is this full price?”

Me: “This is a hat.”

New Ice Cream Flavor: Half-Baked Shoplifting Attempt

, , , , | Legal | CREDIT: OJRmk1 | September 21, 2020

It is 2005 and I am working at a video rental store – remember those? We also sell snacks, sweets and ice cream. All the food items are in view of the counter, and are the only items of value that aren’t stored behind the counter (all the DVD and video game boxes on the shelves are empty).

The location I work in is in a slightly seedy part of town, on a major road leading to the city center, and we are surrounded by a mix of cheap bed-and-breakfasts and bail hostels, so shoplifting is an issue for us. The ice-cream is often targeted since it is the most expensive single food item we sell; one-pint pots cost for about $5 each.

There are always at least two people on shift, and the cleverer shoplifters wait for us to both be busy before swiping the ice-cream, but this guy is far from smart…

While I am sorting a couple of things out behind the counter my colleague watches this guy walk up and get a tub of ice cream and walk out of sight between the aisles. He goes to leave the store a couple minutes later and my colleague pipes up:

Colleague: “Excuse me, sir, are you going to buy that ice cream?”

Shoplifter: “What ice cream?”

Colleague: “The tub of cookies and cream that you have in your carrier bag.”

There’s a pause and the shoplifter looks like a deer in headlights, then my colleague points at the bag, which is obviously bulging and semi-translucent, so you can clearly see the tub of ice-cream, which is how he can tell the flavour.

It was priceless watching him sheepishly put it back and slouching off like a scolded child.