There’s No Making Up From This

, , , , , , | Working | January 16, 2018

(This happens on my birthday when I am at the mall with my best friend, who is a professional makeup artist. We decide to stop a well-known makeup store because I need new foundation and concealer. I also want to try to a new bronzer, and I want my friend’s advice on which shades to choose based on my skin tone. Neither of us have any makeup on, and as soon as we walk into the store, a nearby associate looks us up and down before walking up to us.)

Sales Associate: “Do you girls need help finding anything?”

Me: “Oh, no, thank you! We’re just looking around!”

(The sales associate walks back to the front of the store, and as we walk over to find the foundation, concealer, and bronzer I want to try, I hear the associate whisper to another associate to keep an eye on us because we look suspicious. When we finally find what we are looking for, we notice that the color we need in foundation isn’t on the shelf, so we go over to the group of sales associates, who are chatting in a circle.)

Me: *smiling* “Could someone please help us?”

(The sales associates ignore me and continue their conversation as if they never heard us, so my friend decides to try to get their attention.)

Friend: “Hi. Could someone please check to see if there is a product on the shelf?”

(Finally, after a couple of minutes of these sales associates ignoring us, one finally looks at us and sighs, then breaks away from the group.)

Sales Associate: *very rudely* “What do you ladies need?”

Me: “I was wondering if you could help us; there’s no [Expensive Brand] in the color ‘light’ on the shelves. We were wondering if you could check in the back to see if you had it?”

Sales Associate: “I’m sorry, but if it’s not on the shelf it’s not in the back; we’re out. And besides, that shade is not your color.”

Me: *politely* “I don’t mind if it’s not in my color. Could you still check to make sure?

Sales Associate: “I guess, but I’m telling you: it’s not back there.”

(She looks me up and down before leaving and we stand there for ten minutes waiting for her. When she doesn’t return, we decide to look around, and a couple of minutes later, the sales associate finally walks up to us with the product we want in her hand.)

Sales Associate: “This is our last one. Are you sure you ladies can even afford these products?”

(We stand there in shock, looking at her and not knowing what to say. The associate smirks at us and hands us the foundation, then walks off. Part of me wants to put the product back and walk out without giving them my business, but the other part of me really wants to buy it, since it’s the last one there, so we go to the register. To our luck, we get the same rude associate who helped us on the floor. I silently put the things on the counter and she looks at us in disbelief.)

Sales Associate: “There is no way you’re getting these.”

Me: “Yes, I am. I would like to purchase these, please.”

Sales Associate: “You both know nothing about makeup; these aren’t your shade. You’re too poor to afford these.”

Friend: “I am a professional makeup artist and have been working in the makeup industry for thirty years, so I obviously have more experience than you. Just because we’re not wearing makeup doesn’t mean we can’t afford these items or don’t know anything about it.”

Sales Associate: “I highly doubt that; you’re not buying these items.”

(I am tired of this associate’s attitude, so I finally ask to speak to a manager, and the associate smirks and picks up the phone.)

Sales Associate: *very rudely* “I am sorry to bother you with another problem, but these two customers are complaining and want to speak to you.”

(The manager comes out and we explain the situation, the poor service the associate has been giving us, and how she is refusing to let us buy the products we want because she doesn’t think we can afford them. The manager makes the associate ring us out while she watches. The total of everything we purchase together is over $400, and when she sees us pull out the exact amount in cash, the sales associate’s attitude changes from rude to friendly.)

Sales Associate: *smiling* “I am so sorry for the misunderstanding. Here’s your change. Please come back to shop with us soon!”

Me: *smiling* “I won’t be coming back. You should probably learn how to be more polite towards customers instead of judging them based on whether or not they have makeup on.”

Susceptible To Tissue Damage

, , , , , | Working | January 16, 2018

(I have just used the last tissue in my tissue box. I’m taking the empty box to the recycling bin before grabbing a new one, when I notice some computer-printed text inside the bottom of the empty box. It’s likely a production date and lot code. I tend to tease people all day, and one coworker makes it so much easier for me to do so without even trying.)

Me: “Hey, look! Wait. Is that an expiration date? Did my tissue really expire two years ago?!”

Coworker: “Really? It does? I didn’t know that! Where’s the date so I can check mine?”

The Bone Isn’t The Only Thing Broken Around Here

, , , , , | Healthy | January 15, 2018

(I fall in my house while holding my two-year-old. As I fall, I turn my body to hold her against the wall so I do not crush her, and as a result, end up with a spiral fracture on my fibula, and a broken and dislocated ankle. When I arrive at the hospital, they try to wrench my ankle back into place but don’t quite align it, so they have to do it again. Of course, this time I know it’s coming, so they decide to use some sort of anesthesia that is meant to make the patient woozy and forget what happened. I’m concerned about whether this will work, and express that concern to the nurse preparing me for the injection.)

Nurse: “Don’t worry; you won’t remember a thing! It probably won’t hurt, either.”

Me: “Can’t you just use this with some actual pain medicine, too?”

(The only pain medicine I’ve received at ALL has been two doses of Fentanyl administered by the paramedics, an hour ago. Fentanyl at the dose I was given lasts 20 minutes, tops.)

Nurse: “Look: you won’t remember, and you won’t feel anything. The only time you might feel something is if I pricked you with a pin, or something!” *he says this as though he’s a genius for thinking of this persuasive argument*

Me: “You mean like the kind of pain I’d feel if someone was moving around my dislocated ankle?!”

(I remembered everything. They also acted like they were doing me a massive favor in keeping me overnight instead of sending me home with three broken bones before surgery the next day. I finally got pain medicine six hours later at the room they begrudgingly gave me, and the call button didn’t work! I had to call my own room phone number with my cell phone and let it ring until a nurse came, because I couldn’t find the nurse’s station phone number!)

What A Dummkopf

, , , , | Working | January 13, 2018

(I have fractured my wrist. I’m at the ER, getting an x-ray. The x-ray technician is trying to strike up a conversation.)

Tech: “You have an accent! Where are you from?”

(I have a slight accent, although I was born in the US.)

Me: “Oh, well, I was born in the US—”

Tech: “I mean, what nationality are you?”

Me: “I’m a quarter French, a quarter German—”

Tech: “German?”

Me: “Yes?”

Tech: “What’s that?”

Me: “German? Like Germany?”

Tech: *confused look* “I’ve never heard of Germany, ever. I’m going to have to look this up later!” *laughs*

(Needless to say, I was concerned with how he was working in a hospital.)

Grand Theft Double Standards  

, , , , | Working | January 12, 2018

(My mother and I are out shopping and she wants to pick me up the new game for Christmas to be sweet. I, in turn, have just purchased her a nice bottle of wine, which I am holding in a state bag. We go to [Video Game Store]. A woman and her son, who is around 16, are in line in front of us. The cashier is male and probably 20 years old.)

Son’s Mom: “I want to buy the new [Grand Theft Auto] game for my son.”

Cashier: “Oh, sick, man. It’s rated ‘M’ for nudity and violence, though. Like, you get to go to strip clubs and stuff!”

Son’s Mom: “I didn’t know that.” *to her son* “Did you know that?”

Son: “Yeah, that stuff is kind of part of the franchise.”

Son’s Mom: *shrugs and buys the game*

Cashier: “You’ll definitely enjoy it, man!”

My Mom: “Hi, I would like to buy this game.”

Cashier: “Are you buying it for her? It’s rated ‘M’ and there’s a bit of female nudity and violence. I really can’t recommend it to someone under 17.”

My Mom: “It’s a good thing that she’s never seen female nudity or violence in her 23 years she’s been alive.”

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