Found Yourself A True Renaissance Man

, , , , , , | Romantic | September 27, 2017

(This is the second year I’ve gone to the local Renaissance fair with my boyfriend, and the first year I’ve had any kind of money to spend, so I’m quite eager to head to one of the major costume shops along the main street. The capes from this shop are STUNNING, and I have been wanting one for years, so I’ve made sure I’ve got what I think is enough money to buy one. I drag my boyfriend over to the stall to look over which ones he thinks look best on me.)

Me: “Excuse me, how much are these emerald cloaks over here?”

Shop Lady: “Oh, the unpainted ones are [price way higher than I expected], but if you want one of the painted ones, it’s [higher price].”

Me: *heart sinking a good bit* “Oh, okay. Thanks!” *I sigh and whisper to my boyfriend* “Oh, well. I can always get it next year.”

Boyfriend: *smiling as he squeezes my hand* “You sure? I can lend you the money or something.”

Me: *awkwardly blushing, wondering if it sounded like I was guilt-tripping him to pay* “Nah, it’s fine; I don’t need it, and I don’t know when I could pay you back. Thank you so much for offering, though. It means a lot to me.”

(I go back to admiring the painted capes, making sure I knew which cape I’d want the next year when I could get one for myself. My boyfriend excuses himself for a moment and one of the shopkeepers chats with me for a bit. Next thing I know, my boyfriend is back with one of the bags the store puts purchases in. I stare at him for a moment before it clicks.)

Me: “Did you…?”

Boyfriend: *with a smile that I swear lit up the whole park as he hands me the bag* “Don’t worry about paying me back. Consider it a two-week-early birthday present.”

(I’m ready to cry, I am so touched! My whole face warms up as I blush, and I can’t stop grinning. He takes my hand and gives it a gentle kiss, looking at me adorably.)

Shop Lady: *winks* “Just so you know, those capes are waterproof if you ever wanna wear yours after a shower. Say, after he’s gotten home and you’ve got nothing else to greet him in…”

(Now it was his turn to blush as I giggled uncontrollably.)

This Has A Bad Ringing Out To It

, , , , , | Right | September 25, 2017

(I’m a cashier and it’s the end of my shift. I have my register light off and my “closed” sign up. There are other cashiers on either side of me with no customers. I’m about to sign off, when a man in his 40s comes walking up with a basket containing a few items.)

Customer: “Wait, wait, wait. Don’t go anywhere. I only have three things.”

(I look at the cashiers on either side of me.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m closed, but my coworkers would be happy to assist you.”

Customer: *sighs* “You’re gonna make me carry my basket all the way over there?”

Me: “I… I guess I can ring you out.”

Customer: “Great! Thank you!”

(He hands me his basket and watches as I ring up his three items.)

Me: “Your total comes to $6.79.”

Customer: “Oh, wait! I forgot the one thing I came in to get.”

(He runs off before I can even open my mouth. I’m waiting for a good five minutes before I see him coming again… carrying an armful of groceries.)

Customer: “These, too.”

Me: “…”

(I don’t say anything, but ring up the additional items.)

Me: “Your total is now $24.37.”

(The man goes to reach for his wallet.)

Customer: “Oh s***. I forgot my wallet in my car.”

Me: “That’s fine. I can hold your order while you run out.”

(I waited another ten minutes. The guy never came back.)

Recovering One Nugget At A Time

, , , , , , | Hopeless | September 22, 2017

(My brother is getting surgery since he broke his collarbone, and he requests to have a burger and chicken nuggets when he wakes. I go to get some near the end of the surgery.)

Cashier: “Hello. Welcome to [Fast Food Place]; how may I help you?

Me: “Hi, I would like a [burger], an order of five chicken nuggets, and a small fry.”

(The cashier nods and I pay and wait for my order. When they call my number, I am confused to find ten chicken nuggets squeezed into a five nugget box, as well as a large fry.)

Me: *goes back to cashier* “I think you may have confused my order and—” *giggling a little* “—there’s ten chicken nuggets in here and I ordered five.”

(I figure the fry is a mistake, but that the chicken nuggets mean someone is really stupid or really nice.)

Manager: *coming up behind the cashier* “Yes, I saw your hospital visitor tag, and you also seemed to look stressed, so I figured you were having a bad day and told them to give you extra. My best wishes to whoever is in the hospital. Have a good day, ma’am.”

(I smiled at them and thanked them numerous times before returning to my brother. He didn’t want the [burger] or chicken nuggets since he was feeling sick from the anaesthesia, but he ate every last fry and I shared the chicken nuggets with his nurse. Sometimes people do things for a reason and it’s not a mistake.)

Steve Me Alone!

, , , , , , | Working | September 22, 2017

(I am expecting a call from a hospital scheduling agent. Despite the fact that I normally don’t answer calls that show as “unknown” on the caller ID, I am answering now, in case it’s the agent.)

Caller: “Hi. Is this Mrs. [Last Name]?”

Me: “Yes, is this the hospital?”

Caller: “No, I’m looking for Steve [Last Name]. I’m calling about—”

Me: “There’s no Steve here.”

Caller: “But you ARE Mrs. [Last Name]?”

Me: “Yes, but my husband’s name is not Steve.”

(The caller begins a tirade about how he has to talk to Steve, I am hiding Steve, and Steve needs to pay his bills. I finally hang up on him, but he calls back a few seconds later. The caller ID shows a different number so I answer.)

Caller: “You cannot refuse to put Steve on the phone!”

Me: “Actually, I can. I suspect you are looking for my husband’s uncle, but he has never lived here.”

Caller: *now suddenly nice* “Oh, I’m sorry. Can you give me Steve’s phone number?”

Me: “No, actually I can’t. Steve died last spring.”

(The caller then began berating me about how Steve HAD to pay his medical bills. I hung up again. The scheduler called right after I hung up, so I went back to ignoring unknown calls. There were four different voice mails from this bill collector about needing contact information for Steve. I ended up filing a complaint with the attorney general’s office. I don’t expect to ever hear from them. The same agency calls and leaves voice mails for Steve at least three times a week.)

Everyone Should Speak Vodka

, , , , | Working | September 15, 2017

(We’ve been out of a product all day, and I inform my coworker over the headset that I have just finished making some more.)

Coworker: “You said we’ve got cold brew again?”

Me: “Si.”

Coworker: “I don’t speak Taco.”

Me: “Oui.”

Coworker: “I don’t speak Croissant.”

Me: “Da.”

Coworker: “I don’t speak Vodka.”

Me: “Get out.”

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