(While working at a fast food restaurant, I have a customer come up looking for a specific toy we are selling at the time. My managers are nearby as all of this is going on. I work the front register for the lobby sales.)

Me: *coming back from the drive-thru window* “Is this the one you’re looking for?”

Customer: “No, that one’s not quite right, either.” *describes the toy again*

Me: *goes in search of the toy and finally finds what she’s asking for* “Here you go! I found it buried underneath the similar ones.”

Customer: “Oh, great! Thank you so much!” *tries to hand me a $20 tip*

Me: “Oh, I’m really sorry, but I really can’t accept that.”

Customer: *calls over the manager* “Sir, this young woman has been so helpful and patient; would it be all right if I gave her this tip?”

Manager: “I have no part in this.” *smiles and turns his back*

Customer: *slides the bill into my hand as she shakes my hand before leaving*

(I am staying with my parents while looking for a new job. I’ve finished another day of looking for positions and sending applications and am ready to kick back and relax, when my mom comes over to me.)

Mom: “I think I’ve found a job for you. Go to this website.”

(She shows me a piece of paper on which she’s written a URL. I navigate to it and read the listing.)

Me: “Mom… this is a civil engineering position.”

Mom: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “I majored in computer engineering. I can’t apply for this.”

Mom: “Why not? It’s an engineering job. It shouldn’t be too different.”

Me: “Look at the description. They want someone who can design and maintain roadways. I’m good at designing and maintaining computer systems. I’d have to learn from scratch.”

Mom: “What were you doing in college, then?!”

(My mom gets up and walks away.)

Mom: “It’s all engineering! You should be able to do that!”

(I didn’t apply for the civil engineering position. Thankfully, I managed to find a job within my field of study, and my mom dropped the matter.)

(An older man comes up to the counter where I am currently ringing. On either side of me are the other two shift managers; both are distracted by work-related things, leaving me alone to ring. The man has with him an older engineering book that is rather high in price.)

Customer: “Is there any discount on this?”

Me: “We don’t have any discounts right now, but let me see if I can knock off a few bucks for you.”

(While I’m looking at the date, we price the book and the condition, the man bemoans about how old it is, and that it’s too high, and that there’s a small tear on page whatever, essentially trying his best to find a discount by any means necessary. Just as I decide to give him 10%, he comes out with this gem.)

Customer: “What if I let you ride me like a horse?”

Me: *stares at him in alarm for a good ten seconds before firmly saying* “SIR. That is not appropriate whatsoever to say to me. I don’t want you saying anything like that to my staff here, either. Now then, you’ll be taking this book today, right?”

Customer: *stutters* “I… Well, yes, I am sor—”

Me: “GREAT.” *scans book* “That’ll be [total]! Credit or cash today, sir?”

Customer: “Cash, um, yeah, I only meant—”

Me: “Awesome. Do you need a bag today, sir?”

Customer: *gets the hint and nods, giving me the cash and eventually leaving*

Other Two Managers: “DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?!”

(I am working the customer service desk at a large retailer. A customer comes to the desk while I am on the phone with another customer, slams an Xbox game on the counter, and starts talking immediately.)

Customer #1: “This game doesn’t work!”

Me: *covering the phone* “Just a moment, ma’am. Thank you for your patience.”

(Two more customers get in line.)

Customer #1: “Don’t tell me to wait!”

Me: *holds up one finger* “I’m sorry, I’ll be right with you.”

Customer #1: “You’ll be with me now!”

Me: *holds up one finger again* “Just a moment.” *turns my back to her and takes a deep breath*

Customer #1: “DO NOT TURN YOUR BACK TO ME, B****!”

Me: *finally done with the phone* “I apologize for your wait. How can I help you?”

Customer #1: “You can get me your manager!”

Me: “Okay.” *calls manager* “She’ll be over shortly. Anything else I can do for you?”

Customer #1: “No!”

Me: “Okay. Next?”

([Customer #2] comes up.)

Customer #1: “What the f*** are you doing?!”

Me: “You said I can’t help you anymore.”

Customer #1: “I’ll have your job you f****** b****!”

Me: “Management will be up shortly, ma’am.”

Customer #1: “First you ignore me, then you shove me off? F*** this store and f*** you!”

Customer #2: “How about you take that tampon out of your a** and wait like a decent human being?”

Customer #1: “I will never be back!” *storms off*

Customer #2: “Thank God!”

(A customer comes up to me at my counter.)

Customer: “Where can I find hardware?”

Me: “If you walk to the center of the store and turn right towards furniture–“

Customer: *arrogantly* “Bro, there’s a lot of centers of this store.”