I am working as a cashier in a pet store, ringing up a frequent customer, when his mobile rings. The ring tone is a clip from Blue Oyster Cult’s “Don’t Fear the Reaper.”
When he answers it with, “Hi, honey,” I realize that it is his wife calling, who is also here frequently.
I held it together until he left, and then I burst out laughing.
(While working in my department, I overhear an elderly woman complaining to her son.)
Woman: “I honestly don’t understand how these people nowadays don’t have common sense. When I ask for Tylenol, they should know I mean acetaminophen and direct me to the generic stuff. What kind of level of stupidity is our nation stooping to?”
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10 Strange Stories About Customer Conspiracy Theorists
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(While working at a fast food restaurant, I have a customer come up looking for a specific toy we are selling at the time. My managers are nearby as all of this is going on. I work the front register for the lobby sales.)
Me: *coming back from the drive-thru window* “Is this the one you’re looking for?”
Customer: “No, that one’s not quite right, either.” *describes the toy again*
Me: *goes in search of the toy and finally finds what she’s asking for* “Here you go! I found it buried underneath the similar ones.”
Customer: “Oh, great! Thank you so much!” *tries to hand me a $20 tip*
Me: “Oh, I’m really sorry, but I really can’t accept that.”
Customer: *calls over the manager* “Sir, this young woman has been so helpful and patient; would it be all right if I gave her this tip?”
Manager: “I have no part in this.” *smiles and turns his back*
Customer: *slides the bill into my hand as she shakes my hand before leaving*
(I am staying with my parents while looking for a new job. I’ve finished another day of looking for positions and sending applications and am ready to kick back and relax, when my mom comes over to me.)
Mom: “I think I’ve found a job for you. Go to this website.”
(She shows me a piece of paper on which she’s written a URL. I navigate to it and read the listing.)
Me: “Mom… this is a civil engineering position.”
Mom: “Yeah, so?”
Me: “I majored in computer engineering. I can’t apply for this.”
Mom: “Why not? It’s an engineering job. It shouldn’t be too different.”
Me: “Look at the description. They want someone who can design and maintain roadways. I’m good at designing and maintaining computer systems. I’d have to learn from scratch.”
Mom: “What were you doing in college, then?!”
(My mom gets up and walks away.)
Mom: “It’s all engineering! You should be able to do that!”
(I didn’t apply for the civil engineering position. Thankfully, I managed to find a job within my field of study, and my mom dropped the matter.)
(An older man comes up to the counter where I am currently ringing. On either side of me are the other two shift managers; both are distracted by work-related things, leaving me alone to ring. The man has with him an older engineering book that is rather high in price.)
Customer: “Is there any discount on this?”
Me: “We don’t have any discounts right now, but let me see if I can knock off a few bucks for you.”
(While I’m looking at the date, we price the book and the condition, the man bemoans about how old it is, and that it’s too high, and that there’s a small tear on page whatever, essentially trying his best to find a discount by any means necessary. Just as I decide to give him 10%, he comes out with this gem.)
Customer: “What if I let you ride me like a horse?”
Me: *stares at him in alarm for a good ten seconds before firmly saying* “SIR. That is not appropriate whatsoever to say to me. I don’t want you saying anything like that to my staff here, either. Now then, you’ll be taking this book today, right?”
Customer: *stutters* “I… Well, yes, I am sor—”
Me: “GREAT.” *scans book* “That’ll be [total]! Credit or cash today, sir?”
Customer: “Cash, um, yeah, I only meant—”
Me: “Awesome. Do you need a bag today, sir?”
Customer: *gets the hint and nods, giving me the cash and eventually leaving*
Other Two Managers: “DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?!”
