Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Restaurant]! How can I help you?”

Customer: “I have ten dollars, and I want a [Hamburger], a large fries, and a small fries.”

Me: “Okay, is there anything else I can get for you?”

Customer: “Hmm, how much is that?”

Me: “That totals up at $8.56.”

Customer: *mutters something under her breath* “What if I ordered [Different Burger]?”

Me: “That’s [different price].”

Customer: *starts to get crabby* “Well, I want the original order.” *promptly changes her mind and I end up confirming her order four times, because she can’t make up her mind*

Me: “All right! Your order number is 253; thank you, and please come again!” *I start taking the next person’s order*

Customer: *receives order and starts screaming bloody murder at me* “I wanted two [Hamburgers]!” *points her finger at me* “You heard me say two [Hamburgers]! I want my other one right now!”

Manager: “I’m so sorry about that. Would you please ring up another for her?”

Customer: “I am not paying for it! He heard me say I wanted two!”

Me: *realizing at this point she was just trying to get a free meal, based on her trying to convince me that I hadn’t re-read her order back four times* “I’m sorry, ma’am, we can have that fixed for you right away.”

Customer: “See if I ever come back here again!” *leaves in a huff*

(The sad part is that this was my last day on the job, and I could have been just like her and gotten rid of all my frustration from that job in one fell swoop. The next three customers all said that they had heard exactly what I did, and they were really nice to me.)

(I am in labor at the hospital. My midwife comes in to check how it is going and to feel the baby’s position for delivery. After feeling my belly she says:)

Midwife: “I cannot find the baby.”

Me: “Well, I am pretty sure that he didn’t come out yet, so he must be somewhere inside.”

(I pull into the drive-thru at a nationwide fast food joint, one that I’ve been going to for eons.)

Worker: “Hi. Can I take your order?”

Me: “Sure. I’ll have a #6, but without mustard, large size. with a [Soda].”

Worker: “No problem.”

(I watch her punch it into the computer as it shows up on my screen and notice that she does not put “no mustard” in there. So, I drive up to her window.)

Worker: “Okay, that will be [total].”

Me: *hands her my card* “Here you go. Oh, and please make sure that my hamburger doesn’t have mustard on it.”

Worker: “Oh, that hamburger doesn’t come with mustard. That’s why I didn’t put it in.”

Me: “I’ve been ordering the same thing for years, and it’s always had mustard on it; when did it change?”

Worker: “Oh, you must be wrong; it’s never had mustard.”

Me: “It always has, for the many years I have been ordering it. Can you please make sure they don’t put mustard on it?”

Worker: “It doesn’t come with mustard, sir. I don’t need to tell them.”

Me: “Please go tell them, anyway, or give me my card back and I’ll go someplace else.”

Worker: “I already charged your card, but here.”

(She hands me my card back, and I’m about to ask for a manager, when a manager happens to come by the window.)

Manager: *to worker* “Is there a problem?”

Worker: “He ordered a #6 and says he doesn’t want mustard on it, but I’ve told him it doesn’t come with mustard.”

Manager: *to worker* “A #6 does come with mustard! Ugh, now I have to have them remake it. Next time just punch it into the computer.”

Manager: *to me* “Sorry about this.”

(A few minutes later:)

Manager: *to me* “Here you go. I threw in a chocolate cake for you. I’m sorry about her; she’s new, but she thinks she knows everything already.” *sighs*

(I visited that place many times after that and never saw her working there again.)

(While visiting my family, the conversation turns to how well-meaning people can still say ugly things.)

Dad: “You know, at a party back in college I was chatting with this attractive Asian woman. I told her I was really impressed with how good her English was, since I was still struggling with my own accent. She gave me a look, and said, ‘My family has lived here for two hundred years, and we run one of the largest ranches in the state.’”

Me: “Ouch, you were That Guy.”

Dad: “It gets worse. A month later I was at a party chatting to an attractive Asian woman…”

Me: “Oh, geez, same person?”

Dad: “Yep.”

Me: “Seriously? I should be glad you’re so inept with women; otherwise, you’d have found someone before Mom, and I wouldn’t be here.”

(I get a call from a lady who is very upset about some photos she sent to be printed.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “You ruined my Christmas! All of the photos I just ordered today have the heads cut off! I can’t use these as Christmas cards! I want a refund or a reprint!”

Me: “No problem. Let me look up your order real quick.” *looks up order* “I’m sorry, miss, but it seems you ordered these through our app or online. Unfortunately, if you want these to be cropped the way you want them, I’m going to need you to come into the store; we would be happy to redo them for free.”

Caller: “This is ridiculous! I don’t have time for this! I can’t believe you guys can’t do your f****** job!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but if that’s not something you would like, I’m sure my manager would be okay with us giving you a refund.”

Caller: “I don’t have time to come back to that store! I can’t believe you won’t remake them! This is ridiculous!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’d be happy to help you remake them or give you a refund. But for either one you have to be at our store.”

(After another five minutes of her screaming at me, I get my manager to talk to her.)

Manager: “Thank you for holding. How may I help you?”

(The lady is screaming through the phone the same things she has told me already.)

Manager: “I’m so sorry that this happened. I would be willing to help you remake them or give you a full refund if you come back in.”

(The lady on the phone is now screaming so loud I can hear from next to my manager.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately, unless you’re present in our store, I can’t give you a refund or remake your photos.”

(This continues for a good ten minutes.)

Manager: “Ma’am, what would you like us to do for you?”

(The lady is still screaming something about how we can’t do our jobs correctly.)

Manager: “Ma’am, what would you like us to do for you? I’ve given you your two choices; if you’re not satisfied with that then I can give you our 1-800 number.”

(The lady continues to scream at her for not being helpful.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but if you’re going to continue to scream at me then I’m going to have to hang up. I’ve given you your two choices in what we can do for you. If you’re not satisfied, then you can call our 1-800 number and leave a complaint.”

(The lady continues to scream at her.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that’s all I can do. I’m going to hang up now.”

(The lady continues to scream.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m going to hang up now. We hope to see you in soon. Have a good day.”

(The manager hangs up phone.)

Me: “Wow… she was not happy.”

Manager: “She said she was driving on her way to our store, anyway. Guess it wasn’t too much of an issue for her to come over. I’m just glad I don’t have to talk to her anymore.”