(Part of the procedure each morning is to have an employee call in to a banker who is already in the branch before coming in. This morning, the banker sees an employee pull up and answers the phone when it rings, assuming it’s her. Keep in mind, we don’t open for at least another half an hour.)

Banker: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’M PISSED OFF!”

Banker: “Oh… What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

(The customer then goes on a tirade about how her son is travelling and has no money in his account, which is obviously the bank’s error. It becomes apparent that she does not have his account number, or even permission to access the information.)

Banker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t actually open until ten. Would you mind calling back then, and then we’ll see what we can do for you?”

Customer: “When is that, twenty minutes? Fine, I’ll call back.”

Banker: “Perfect!”

Customer: “NO, IT’S NOT F****** PERFECT!” *hang ups*

(She never called back.)

(I stop by the meat counter at my local grocery store to stock up on some different meats. I decide to pick up some chicken, as it is on sale. Thus far, I’ve been making friendly small talk with the guy behind the counter, and nothing amiss has occurred.)

Meat Guy: “Anything else I can get for you, ma’am?”

Me: “Yes, could I please get a pound of the chicken drumsticks?”

Meat Guy: “Sure thing.”

(He reaches down and pulls out the tray, then grabs a handful of them and places them on the scale to check the weight. It comes out to 0.99 pounds. He then bends down to put back the tray with the rest of the drumsticks.)

Me: *jokingly* “Oh, man, 0.99 pounds isn’t going to cut it! I need exactly one pound.”

Meat Guy: *stands up, looking absolutely terrified* “Oh, uh, um, really? I…”

Me: *realizing he took me seriously* “Oh, my gosh, no! I was totally kidding. 0.99 is just fine.”

Meat Guy: *still looking anxious* “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s not a problem. I’m usually fine with whatever I get, as long as it’s within about a tenth of a pound off from what I asked for. I’m actually amazed it’s so close to a pound!”

Meat Guy: “Oh!” *laughs* “Okay. Some people actually do insist that I fix it when this happens.”

(You’d think that after five years of reading this site, I’d realize that some people actually are horrible enough to do that.)

(I work as a receptionist at a city hall. We only take 30 numbers of applicants who are submitting their documents for passports. We are open from 8:30 to 3:30 and typically run out of numbers before 12:00 pm. When we do we put up our “NO MORE PASSPORTS” sign. It’s 1:00 pm when this lady and her daughter run in.)

Mom: *as she is reading the sign* “Hi, I would like to get passports.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we are currently not taking any applicants today; we’ve already reached the 30 applicants we can process for the day. If you like, I can give you alternative locations, or you can come back next week.”

Mom: *starts breathing heavily and looks like she just ran a mile* “Oh, my God. My husband is in the hospital because he just had a heart attack and I just took my daughter out of school.” *which is what almost every parent says when I tell them no* “Can’t you squeeze us in?

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We’ve already reached our maximum, but I can give you a list of other locations that can help you today.”

Mom: “Oh, my God, are you serious? I’m about to vomit right now. I can’t go to [Location #1] or [Location #2]. They are too far.”

(She is looking at the list and pointing and asking about locations that are 20 minutes further than the locations I suggested.)

Mom: “So, what location can I go to?”

Me: “[Location #3] or [Location #4] are the closest walk-ins.”

Mom: “No, I can’t do that.” *starts to walk away with her daughter*

Me: “I’m so sorry.”

Mom: *to her daughter, mumbling* “Sure, you’re sorry, blah blah blah.”

(All I could think of was, “Wow, your husband is having or had a heart attack, and you are here instead of with him. He could die right now, and you are being a snob because you think I’M a horrible person for doing my job. Okay, lady, you need to check your priorities.)

(Ringing up a customer:)

Me: “Hi! How are—“

Customer: “Yes, I am.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “I am high!”

(An employee walks up to the boss’s office, looks at the door for a few moments, and then walks over to the secretary.)

Employee: “Is the boss in?”

Secretary: “I think so. Didn’t you see him in there?”

Employee: *glancing around the corner and looking at the door again* “Well, his door is closed.”

Secretary: “Could you see him through the window?”

Employee: “I don’t know; the door is closed.”

(The secretary gets up, walks to where the employee is standing, and points through the large window in the door. You can see the boss from where they are standing, and he is sitting at the conference table with a few other people.)

Secretary: “Yes, see? The boss is in, but he is in a meeting right now.”

(The employee thanks her and leaves. I come out of my office.)

Secretary: *to me* “Did I really just have to explain windows to her?”