This happened when my friend and I were thirteen. We went camping at the beach with my entire family. But being thirteen, we were teenagers! At least in our minds.

We brought a tent for us to share away from the family. The last full day that we were there, my friend and I went out into the ocean all day, so when we came back that night we were exhausted. 

My niece, who was six, asked if she could sleep in the tent with my friend and me, wanting to sleep with the big girls. We said sure and put her sleeping bag in between ours and we all went to sleep.

My niece, even to this day, is an active sleeper, meaning she moves around all the time in her sleep. But we were so tired that we didn’t even notice that she threw her arms wide and hit my friend and me in the face. We only found out the next morning when my friend had a black eye and I had a busted lip… and my niece was perfectly fine.

My sister and I live on different continents, so we keep in touch through lots of video calls. This also allows me to keep up with my niece and nephew, both toddlers.

I’ve spent time on the phone talking with them, eating with them, singing to them, and listening to crying, arguments, and tantrums. I’ve also been on video chats during bath time. I’ve heard a lot of hilarious things over the past two and a half years, but this has been the best, without a doubt.

After hearing my sister telling someone to stop peeing in the tub, emptying it, and refilling it, I suddenly heard, “No! Stop! Give me that booger right now!”

I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. She explained that the older one was waving around a giant booger on his hand and getting waaay too close to his little sister. She also agreed that it was one of the most absurd things she had ever had to say. Of course, my nephew thought we were laughing at him and tried to do it again.

I’m video-chatting with my sister and almost-three-year-old nephew while he’s in the bath. Obviously, there’s been lots of fun and too much splashing, but he quiets down for a minute and then says:

Nephew: *Looking at his finger* “Mama, can’t find boo-boo.”

Sister: “You can’t find your boo-boo?”

Nephew: “No.”

He starts looking around in the tub.

Sister: “What are you doing?”

Nephew: “Looking for boo-boo!”

Sister: “You’re looking for your boo-boo in the water?”

My sister and I are already laughing, but since she’s sitting there with him she has to keep it together. I, on the other hand, do not!

Nephew: “Yeah! Swim away!”

Sister: “Your boo-boo is swimming away?”

Nephew: “On the wall!”

Sister: “It’s on the wall now?”

Nephew: “Yeah!”

Sister: “Well, what is it doing on the wall?”

Nephew: “Alligator got!” 

Sister: “Oh, an alligator ate your boo-boo? That’s too bad.”

I’m basically dying of laughter. My nephew is suddenly sad and looking at his finger again.

Nephew: “Yeah…”

Sister: “Buddy, don’t worry. It’s actually better to not have a boo-boo, okay?”

My nephew thinks for a second.

Nephew: “Okay.”

Of course, he then immediately went back to playing! Family is fun, even from far away.

(When my nephew is little he picks his nose until it bleeds CONSTANTLY. Nothing we nor the doctor do will stop him. Even painting his nails with medicine the doctor recommends barely helps.

One year, when he is still in this stage, my parents and I take him to the Fred Hall Sportsman Show. It’s an annual California show for people who fish, hunt, hike, and generally love the outdoors.

We’re passing a booth run by an older man who sees my nephew with his finger back up his nose despite us telling him to stop. The man walks up to my nephew holding out his right hand, revealing that his index and middle finger have been amputated at the knuckle.)

Man: “Do you know how I lost these? By picking my nose.”

(My nephew instantly took his finger out of his nose and never put it back up there. He still talks about that now that he’s in his early thirties, laughing about it. Thank you, sir, for getting him to stop picking his nose. Now, we just need to find another man with amputated fingers to talk to my great-nephew. No, not my nephew’s son — his sister’s.)

My wife, my sister-in-law, my young son, my young nephew, and I were at an amusement park that’s geared to the younger set. My nephew is nine months older than my son, but they were both about five or six years old. They were about to get on the bumper cars.

There was a big sign about safety so I yelled out to my son, “[Son], no head-on collisions… so just T-bone [Nephew].” My sister-in-law laughed and then scolded me.