(I am the type of person who likes to move things around for a fresh look. My husband is the opposite so I usually move things while he’s not home. I’m cleaning the kitchen one day and decide that the microwave needs to be closer to where I prepare food instead of on the other side of the room. Husband walks in as I’m about to pick up the microwave. I usually have to move the microwave out of the spot to clean under and behind it, it’s not heavy to move.)

Husband: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Moving the microwave; it’s in a stupid spot.”

Husband: “Why can’t you just leave it there?”

Me: “Because I have to carry boiling items across the room and avoid toddlers at the same time.” *I start pick it up*

Husband: “That’s too heavy for you. I’ll do it.”

(He makes me put it down and drags it out, dropping the corner and taking a chunk out of the wooden bench top.)

Me: “Look at what you just did.”

Husband: “That thing was heavy. You would have dropped the whole thing.”

Me: “I move that microwave all the time, and have never dropped it.”

Husband: “See? This is why I don’t want you moving things around. Things get damaged.”

Me: “No, this is why I move things while you aren’t home because I don’t damage things.”

Husband: “I told you it was too heavy.”

(I work in a 24-hour service station and as such I see plenty of people lighting cigarettes at the pumps, talking on the phone while pumping, etc, but this story by far takes the cake as the most incredible lack of common sense I have ever seen in my life. It is about 8:30 in the morning and I am changing the bins in the forecourt when a truck driver approaches me.)

Truck Driver: “They’re not allowed to do that, are they?” *points to one of the pumps*

(I look over to see a man connecting jumper cables to his battery, AT THE PUMP.)

Me: “No, they’re not.” *walks over to them* “Hi, guys. I’m sorry, but you can’t try to jump start it here. You need to move it away from the pump.”

Customer: “We can’t start it to move it.”

Me: “I understand that, mate, but you need to put it in neutral and try to roll it away. If you try to jump start it here, it could make a spark and the whole place could go up.”

(At this point the customer pretty much ignores me and continues connecting the leads. Luckily by this stage the man who is kind enough to offer to use his car to jump start it is within earshot.)

Me: “I’m sorry guys, but you REALLY can’t jump start it here!”

Kind Customer: “Oh, we can’t?”

Me: “Not right next to the pump. You need to try and move it away.”

(The customers manage to roll the car away from the pump and jump start it. I just couldn’t believe the complete lack of disregard for everyone’s safety!)

(A thirty-something woman comes into the camera shop, pushes past some other customers, and slams a camera bag onto the counter, brandishing a receipt.)

Customer: “I bought this camera yesterday! AND IT’S BROKEN!”

(She thrusts the receipt in front of my face, and jabs her finger at the date. It’s worth noting that when we sell a camera, we always open the box and check that it’s working before the customer leaves the store.)

Customer: “I want a replacement, and an upgrade to a better camera!”

Me: “Sorry to hear that, ma’am! May I please have a look at the camera?”

(The customer issues a massive sigh, opens the camera bag and shoves a little point and click camera at me. I turn it over at I notice that the battery door is ajar. I open the battery door.)

Me: “The battery is in upside down.”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “The battery is in upside down, and so the battery door won’t close. One second.”

(I used a bit of tape to remove the lithium-ion rechargeable battery, turn the camera on, check it’s working, and then hand it back to her. It has about 50% charge.)

Customer: “So you’re not going to give me an upgrade?!”

Me: “Sorry, madam, but I can’t do that. If it were broken, I would happily give you a replacement, or a refund, but I couldn’t give you an upgrade. As it is, the camera isn’t broken. When you removed the battery, you put it back in upside down.”

(She does a job of looking over the camera, takes bunch of photos, and finally seems happy that the camera is working. I think everything is sorted. It wasn’t. Just before closing time, she comes in again, and makes a beeline for me.)

Customer: “IT’S BROKEN AGAIN!”

Me: “How can I help?”

Customer: “When I turn it on, It gives an error message, and then turns off again! I want you to UPGRADE me to a better camera!”

Me: “Again, sorry, I can’t give you an upgrade, but I can replace or give you a refund. May I please see the camera?”

(She hands me the camera. I turn it on and it says “battery exhausted.”)

Me: “Oh! This message just means that the battery is flat. Once you recharge the battery using the charger, or plugging the camera in, she’ll be right!”

Customer: “What do you mean, I have to charge the battery? Doesn’t it just take photos?”

(I stare at her for a long moment.)

Me: “No, madam. Like your mobile phone, you need to recharge the batteries when they go flat.”

Customer: “You mean I have to plug it into the wall?!”

Me: “Yes, that’s right.”

Customer: “But it just takes pictures.”

Me: “…and that uses electricity. When the battery goes flat you need to charge it.”

Customer: “I wasn’t told that when I bought it yesterday! I want a camera that doesn’t need batteries or charging. Now are you going to give me an upgrade, or do I need to speak to your manager?!”

Me: *sigh*

(I work outside in a plant nursery and this particular day it has been bucketing down right since I woke up that morning. I am down at the info desk trying to dry off a bit when an middle-aged woman comes up.)

Customer: “You guys wouldn’t have any umbrellas to borrow, would you?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry; we don’t.”

(She looks at me as if I had offended her.)

Customer: “Well, why not?! It’s raining outside! How am I meant to get any plants!”

Me: “I’m sorry. We used to, but people kept stealing and walking out with our umbrellas so we’ve stopped now.”

Customer: *rolls eyes and sighs* “Well, that’s just an inconvenience. You really should have a couple of umbrellas!”

(She walked off and I went into the office nearby. Only a couple minutes later I walked out after drying up to see the same woman walking back into our store with her own umbrella from her car.)

(I’m a manager, and I’ve just transferred from a stand-alone store (with a drive-thru and a dining room) to one located within a shopping centre food court. It’s the middle of our busiest half hour of the day, as the local school kids come for lunch when the phone rings.)

Me: “[Location], [Store]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hello there. How are you this afternoon?”

Me: “Well, thank you. How are you?”

Caller: “Thank you so much for asking. I’m well, too!”

Me: “I’m glad to hear…” *at this point wondering if this is a prank call*

Caller: “By the way, my name is [Caller] and I’m calling from [Solar Panel Company].”

(At this point I recognise the script, having taken these calls almost daily at my old location, On average it would take about five minutes to convince the caller that I can’t agree to install solar panels on our roof, and that anything like that is decided by our corporate offices.)

Me: “Listen, I’m going to stop you right there.”

Caller: *continues with script about government rebates*

Me: “Listen! You’ve called a store located within a food court. You need to do some research before calling random businesses. I do not own the roof or the building. Please do not call this number again.” *hangs up*