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Telling Porkies

, , | Right | July 21, 2010

(A family sits at a table in our restaurant, which specializes in steak dishes.)

Me: “Hi, guys, welcome to [Restaurant]. Let me just tell you about today’s special, the prime rib with–”

Customer: “We don’t need to hear this. Just stop.”

Me: “So, you already know about the special? Great! Would you like to start with any–”

Customer: “No! We’re vegetarians!”

Me: “Oh, all right, well, we have a few vegetarian dishes on this–”

Customer: “No! Listen, we know what we want already.”

Me: “Okay, great. Go ahead.”

Customer: “Finally! The kids will have the chicken nuggets, my husband will have the chicken burger, and I’ll have the chicken strip salad.”

Me: “Sure. Anything else?”

Husband: “I’ll have extra bacon on the burger.”


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A Fowl Plot

, , , , , , | Right | June 16, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, these ‘Wicked Wings’ you gave me are hot and spicy.”

Me: “Yes, I know.”

Customer: “Well, I can’t eat anything that is spicy because of my health. You should have told me they were spicy.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I assumed you’d known because that’s the only thing you ordered. I’ll give you a refund.”

Customer: “No, that’s not good enough. You should have told me that they are spicy; it’s your responsibility.”

Me: “I apologize.”

Customer: “I thought it was made from the evil chickens or something.”


This story is part of the Spicy roundup!

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Damage Your Self E-Steam

, , , | Right | June 14, 2010

(A customer brings in a steamer set.)

Customer: “This doesn’t work. It’s faulty.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem with the item?”

Customer: “It doesn’t steam the food.”

Me: “Okay, I’m just going to have to test it, to confirm that it’s faulty.” *I ask my coworker next to me* “How much water do I put in it?”

Customer: “You put water in it?”

Women’s Studies, Not Studying Women

, , , , | Learning Right | March 24, 2010

(I work in enrollment in my university.)

Me: “What degree would you like to enroll in?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, what are you interested in?”

Customer: “Hot girls.”

Me: “You mean ‘Women’s Studies’?”

Customer: “Does that have lots of girls in it?”

Me: “Pretty much all girls.”

Customer: “Awesome, I’ll do that.”

(Note: ‘Women’s Studies’ studies feminism.)


This story is part of the College-Admission-Fails roundup!

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Playing The Blame (Video) Game

, , , , , , | Right | February 19, 2010

Customer: *walks up with an Xbox game* “Hi, I’d like to purchase this.”

(Later in the afternoon, the same customer from that morning comes in.)

Customer: “You! You sold me a bad game! You’ve ruined my son’s birthday!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What’s the problem?”

Customer: “My son asked for this game for his birthday! The machine said he can’t play it! What kind of cruel business do you run? Teasing small children!”

(I look at the disc and it’s in brand new condition.)

Me: “That’s odd, ma’am. I’ll just test it on our machine quickly.”

(I go over to our display case wear our consoles are set up. I start to put the disc in the Xbox.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, do you have any idea what you’re doing?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’re putting it in the wrong machine! It’s no wonder you sold me a faulty disc!”

Me: “What does his machine look like?”

Customer: “That one there!” *points at Playstation* “Don’t you dare tell me it’s a faulty machine. It plays the other discs fine!”

Me: “I’ll bet it does, ma’am, because those are Playstation games. And this is an Xbox game.”

Customer: “We’ll, why didn’t you tell me that when I purchased it?”

Me: “I didn’t know your son owned a Playstation.”

Customer: “Well, whose fault is that?!”


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